<p>TOPIC : can success be disastrous?</p>
<p>People work hard tirelessly to transform their childhood dreams into reality. They give up all the luxuries that life has to offer to do so. But when they are at the zenith of their careers success consumes them. They loose touch with family and friends and later lose themselves . They are not able to escape the cobweb of complexities in life.</p>
<p>Musicians,actors and famous sports personalities make for the best examples in this case. Some of them who were very poor initially and achieved success later in life suffer most. They aren’t able to control or limit themselves. They get into drugs and what not. They develop an insatiable appetite for pleasure. Later they forget about their obligations towards their respective families and compromise their family values. The 27 club is a famous term used for famous musicians who died at a young age of 27. Most of them including Jimmy Hendrix and Amy whinehouse died to drug overdose.
Such people aren’t able to handle success and are now paying the price for it. Too much of anything is bad. This is quite valid in this case as well.</p>
<p>Top notch Engineers , Businessmen ,Doctors and Lawyers suffer from the same problem. They work so hard to maintain the position that they have achieved , they have no time left for their own family. In some cases even their children have to take an appointment just to have a talk with them. Even though they have everything they wished for they aren’t really able to enjoy .They are married to their respective jobs and are running in the rat race of life. They think that they are happy but in reality they are very sad and lonely. I feel really sorry for such people.</p>
<p>From the above stated examples the devastating effects success has on a person both physically and emotionally should be clear .This does not mean that we should stop dreaming or working hard. We should limit ourselves and take out some time from our mundane lives for ourselves. Just take a deep breath in and handle life as it comes.</p>
<p>6 out of 12.</p>
<ul>
<li><p>Multiple words used in the wrong contexts. Your sentences are complex and interspersed with college level vocabulary but with no meaning.
What does: “They are not able to escape the cobweb of complexities in life.” mean and how does it relate to the topic at hand?
Similarly with “We should limit ourselves and take out some time from our mundane lives for ourselves.”, “People work hard tirelessly to transform their childhood dreams into reality.”, and “They are married to their respective jobs and are running in the rat race of life.” etcetera.</p></li>
<li><p>Your first example does not pertain to the topic at hand in any way. So what you’re stating is, that when actors/musicians succeed, they can’t control themselves anymore and seek a life of indulgence aka drugs? How does their success in their careers relate to vices of their personalities? Jimmy Hendrix died of a drug overdose, indeed, but how does his drug addiction relate to his career success?</p></li>
<li><p>Your second example is acceptable.</p></li>
<li><p>No historical/literary/scientific examples. You’ve stated hypothetical scenarios only. I’d like to see a concrete example from history that relates to the topic at hand, and profoundly supports your thesis that success is indeed disastrous. Take Hitler for example. He managed to grasp all of Europe in a very short period, meaning that he reached the epitome of success. But this success intoxicated him, and drove him into invading nations when he was not prepared. AKA his success choked him and boosted his ego, meaning that his success was disastrous and lead to his own downfall eventually. Anything like this or similar would have swung me over to your side.</p></li>
</ul>
<p>My advice to you, is to focus more on trying to convince the reader of your point rather than try to make flowery prose out of it.</p>
<p>Will surely keep those things in mind next time.</p>
<p>Both examples are horrible; not because of the writing, but more because you need a concrete example. NO HYPOTHETICAL EXAMPLES AT ALL. NO HYPOTHETICAL EXAMPLES AT ALL. NO HYPOTHETICAL EXAMPLES AT ALL. NO HYPOTHETICAL EXAMPLES AT ALL. NO HYPOTHETICAL EXAMPLES AT ALL. NO HYPOTHETICAL EXAMPLES AT ALL. NO HYPOTHETICAL EXAMPLES AT ALL. NO HYPOTHETICAL EXAMPLES AT ALL. NO HYPOTHETICAL EXAMPLES AT ALL. NO HYPOTHETICAL EXAMPLES AT ALL. NO HYPOTHETICAL EXAMPLES AT ALL. NO HYPOTHETICAL EXAMPLES AT ALL. NO HYPOTHETICAL EXAMPLES AT ALL. NO HYPOTHETICAL EXAMPLES AT ALL. NO HYPOTHETICAL EXAMPLES AT ALL. NO HYPOTHETICAL EXAMPLES AT ALL.</p>
<p>dont say anything like “i think”</p>