Please score my essay~ ThX

<p>Assignment:Is it easier now to form friendships than ever before?</p>

<p>In the 21st century, social networking sites enable people to communicate with each other via blogs, chat rooms, MSN or Facebook by clicking a few buttons, regardless of the physical distance and ethnic differences between them. Some people therefore presume that now it is much easier to form friendship than ever before. However, friendship actually requires much more than superficial conversations; true friendship is a heart-to-heart relationship based on mutual understanding, which shallow and hasty chats cannot provide. To illustrate this point, we need to look no further than The Social Network, a 2010 American Drama film which portrays the founding of social networking website Facebook and the resulting lawsuits.
Dumped by his girlfriend Erica, Harvard University student Mark Zuckerberg creates an on-campus website called Facemash. Facemash’s popularity and the fact that Mark created it in one drunk night brings him to the attention of the Winklevoss twins and their business partner Narendra who offer Mark a job as programmer for a proposed dating website.
After Mark tells him of his idea for “Thefacebook”, an online social networking website, his friend Eduardo agrees to help him and contributes $1,000 to help start the site. When they learn of Thefacebook which becomes popular throughout the student body, the Winklevoss twins and Narendra believe Mark to have stolen their idea while stalling on their website.
When competing in the Henley Royal Regatta for Harvard, the Winklevoss twins discover Facebook’s expansion to a number of English universities and footage of their lost finals match against the Hollandia Roeiclub on it; they finally stop just watching “their idea” advance without them and decide to sue.
Meantime, when Eduardo visits the new company headquarters, he argues with Mark for Mark’s new partner Sean lives in their house, making business decisions for Facebook, while Mark makes a demeaning remark regarding Eduardo’s failed attempts to find advertisers. Eduardo freezes the company’s bank account and returns to New York. When he discovers later that the deal he signed with Sean’s investors has allowed them to dilute his share of the company from 34% to 0.03%, while maintaining the ownership percentage of all other parties, Eduardo confronts Mark and announces his intention to sue him.
During a party celebrating Facebook’s one millionth member, Sean is arrested for possession of cocaine. Sean fails to deceive Mark that Eduardo stashed the drugs, and is expelled by Mark.
The story is intercut with scenes from depositions taken in two lawsuits against Mark and Facebook filed by the Winklevoss twins and by Eduardo. After everyone leaves, Mark sends a friend request to his ex-girlfriend Erica on Facebook, refreshing the page every few seconds waiting for a response.
Although there were over a million residents in the Facebook empire created by Mark Zuckerberg, he was actually alone with all of his friends and partners gone. All in all, more rapid and convenient contacts does not equal to more quickly established friendships.</p>

<p>Another question forgot–! Can I use surveillance breaches as examples in SAT essays pertaining to technology and privacy?</p>

<p>I would say this essay would get a 4 or 5 out of 12. I would’ve said zero but that MAYBE a but too harsh.</p>

<p>The point is it was more like a movie summary. The second page on a SAT exam says “Blank or off topic essays will get a zero on the essay”. </p>

<p>I know you tried to connect it all at the end, but grader is mentally scoring the test as he reads it as well, and till the very last 2 sentences he would be going “Wait am I reading the movie of the day column in the news paper?” I don’t mean to be rude, just trying to get the point across. </p>

<p>The good thing is you can make this better easily, just keep connecting each paragraph of your essay to the prompt as you go. Before you end each paragraph, think about what you said, try and connect it to the prompt in one line or so, and there you have it.</p>

<p>ThX a lot~ This is the first time I have tried to use a single fictional instance in my essay. Ur suggestions are really really useful ^~^</p>