Please score my essay....Urgent!!!! 2 days remaining!!!

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Topic: Do we need other people in order to understand ourselves?</p>

<p>We need other peoples to understand ourselves. Root “psychology” comes from Ancient Greeks. It means “clairvoyant”, someone who can foresee and explain to person who is he. Nowadays, people whose job is to help people who they really are, is named psychologists. This is another part of science – psychology. Among first psychologists were J. Franchat, A. John, J. Rivera, and others. Both Susan Hollander’s case and sportsmen who are taking part in Olympic Games, clearly exemplifies that we need psychologists to interpret who we are and what we should do in particular situation.</p>

<p>Let us consider Susan Hollander’s case. She lived in Topeka, Kansas. Her love was Mr. Bagwell, who killed 6 students in Alabama and escaped to Kansas. The problem is that she didn’t know who he really is, and that his place is in prison. Accidently she was watching “America’s Most Wanted” she understood who is he. Then, in zenith of this case, she called 911 and her “love” was in jail. Susan H. had a bad feeling; not good ones… She can’t carry on living with feelings like someone easily circumvented her. That is why Ms. Hollander suggested with psychologist. And their advice was to stand face-to-face with Mr. Bagwell and speak all she had on her mind. Eventually, she did it; after that, she could easily continue her daily life. Thus, did she need “other peoples” to understand who is she? The answer is definitely “Yes”. In the term “understand ourselves”, in this case, we consider to extricate from hard psychological problem, to understand who we are in this case and what we should do.</p>

<p>Another good example is sportsmen who are taking part in Olympic Games. In any kind of competition they need psychologist’s help. Only one thought that you have been preparing four years for four minutes scares every participant. According to psychologist’s analysis the rule number one to do well is to close your eyes for how your opponents were, I mean, don’t look for other’s results, just do your job, to win. Each sportsman should imbue himself that he is a winner, that he is the best, and nobody, for instance, skies better than he does. These all characteristics are creation “mood for success” and theoretically it refers to the “psychology”. Today, we can’t imagine skier without psychologist. Eugenie Plushenko is good confirmation to that theory. He won Olympic Gold Medal in 2005, and, in interview with his trainer, they both explained that this Gold Medal is impossible without psychologist’s assistance. In addition, 2005 Analysis of Olympic winners shows that preparation and psychological inspire play equal part in sportsman’s success. Hence, one could conclude that it’s very and again very important to understand ourselves. This example, shows that people, whose job is to help understand people who they really are, is the one of the keys for success.</p>

<p>After careful analysis of Susan Hollander’s case and participants in Olympic Games, we can see that we need others to understand ourselves. The nineteenth-century moralist’s view was that every person is “closed flower with ability to jump though hardships and extricate from them” and we need “sun light and desire to go”. </p>

<hr>

<p>Thanks.</p>

2

<p>anyone please!</p>

3

<p>Please…Ok. I’ll score=(
I corrected grammar. I’m confident that this essay is 10/12. Your opinion?
Topic: Do we need other people in order to understand ourselves?</p>

<p>We need other peoples to understand ourselves. Root “psychology” comes from Ancient Greeks. It means “clairvoyant”, someone who can foresee and explain to person who is he. Nowadays, people whose job is to help people to understand who they are in reality, is named psychologists. This is another part of science – psychology. Among first psychologists were J. Franchat, A. John, J. Rivera, and others. Both Susan Hollander’s case and sportsmen who take part in Olympic Games, clearly exemplify that we need psychologists to interpret who we are and what we should do in particular situation.</p>

<p>Let us consider Susan Hollander’s case. She lived in Topeka, Kansas. Her love was Mr. Bagwell, who killed 6 students in Alabama and escaped to Kansas. The problem is that she didn’t know who he really is, and that his place is in prison. Accidently she was watching “America’s Most Wanted” she understood who is he. Then, in zenith of this case, she called 911 and her “love” was in jail. Susan H. had a bad feeling; not good ones… She couldn’t carry on her life with feelings that someone easily circumvented her. That is why Ms. Hollander suggested with psychologist. And their advice was to stand face-to-face with Mr. Bagwell and speak all she had on her mind. Eventually, she did so; after that, she had easily continued her daily life. Thus, did she need “other peoples” to understand who is she? The answer is definitely “Yes”. In the term “understand ourselves”, in this case, we take into account to extricate from hard psychological problem, to understand who we are in this case and what we should do.</p>

<p>Another good example is sportsmen who take part in Olympic Games. In any kind of competition they need psychologist’s help. Only one thought that you have been preparing four years for four minutes scares every participant. According to psychologist’s analysis the rule number one to do well is to close your eyes for how your opponents were, I mean, don’t look for other’s results, just do your job–go and win. Each sportsman should imbue himself that he is a winner, that he is the best, and nobody, for instance, skies better than he does. These all characteristics are creating “mood for success” and theoretically it refers to the “psychology”. Today, we can’t imagine skier without psychologist. Eugenie Plushenko is good confirmation to that theory. He won Olympic Gold Medal in 2005, and, in interview with his trainer, they explained that this Gold Medal is impossible without psychologist’s assistance. In addition, 2005 Analysis of Olympic winners shows that preparation and psychological inspire play equal part in sportsman’s success. Hence, one could conclude that it’s very and again very important to understand ourselves. This example, shows that people, whose job is to help understand people who they really are, is the one of the keys for success.</p>

<p>After careful analysis of Susan Hollander’s case and participants in Olympic Games, we can see that we need others to understand ourselves. The nineteenth-century moralist’s view was that every person is “closed flower with ability to jump though hardships and to extricate from them” and we need “sun light and desire to go” to amaze surrounding people with “beauty and aroma of our flower”.</p>

4

<p>Hey i think this was really great! i would definitely score 5-6 points…
how do you manage to come up with all of this within 25 minutes? ahh so stressfull!
Help me with mine! :)</p>

5

<p>7-8/12</p>

<p>Definitely not a 10.</p>

6

<p>how about this one?</p>

<p>Topic: Should books represent world as it is or as it should be?</p>

<p>According to Old Russian folk wisdom, “Book is the best gift”. Books are our sources of knowledge, examples of a peaceful and yet a severe life. There are different kinds of books; the most prevalent are: mythology and fiction, science, and others. The majority of books about mythology and fiction, portraits unreal creatures, events, or any other inscrutable issues; consider characters of those books: Hercules, the monster killer; Asclepius, the first doctor; Dionysus, the creator of Greek fraternities, and others. These types of books are more likely tend to make our life more panache, but, in the same time, these books about mythical characters are only “cover” for “real word”. Thus, we can conclude this metaphor or in other words, simile. Children in kind garden or in first five grades of school can see only unreal things; the real meaning is concealed for the humans in that age. </p>

<p>Consider another major type of books—science. In this case, these books are less likely to reflect or conceal our real word. For instance, let’s take into account my school physics encyclopedia. Unlike fiction books, which represent life problems, it represents direct rules of physical world, like sphere, height, weight, speed. Hence, we can see light that, despite any controversies, science books are very important: engineering, medicine, ecology, chemistry, history, all these parts that are based on this type. </p>

<p>The nineteenth-century moralist’s view was that in general, any form of book should represent world as should be, without problems, without conflicts, without evils. To prove that this claim is too vague or too dispute to verify, let’s analyze Gomes’s “Iliad Odyssey”. For the first time, we could relate it to “unreal world”, a world that doesn’t have any similarities with tangibility; but it’s not as it actually is. Every book has its meanings, lessons, suggestions, extrications. And what is the most important that these all issues are directly corrected with actual world: the same problems, the same conflicts, the same characters. Books that show the ideal world, nullifies the main reason why we are using them, because, according to scientists, books’ job is to provide help, extrication, foster in the hard and draconian reality. Therefore, to claim that every book should represent the paradise, the result of all learned lessons, is too skeptic, too harsh, and maybe somewhere misadjusted. We don’t need to know how it would be in paradise; we need the road that shows us how we can achieve it…</p>

7

<p>You have made an incredible progress.</p>

<p>Now, it is time to focus on smaller details, and not offer the scorers opportunity to deduct points. Check the simple grammar and, in doubt, rely on simpler words. </p>

<p>

</p>

<p>If your use of zenith were correct, chances are the reader would not understand your sentence. Keep it simple! </p>

<p>

Check Comma use and use of plural!</p>

8

<p>Thanks, xiggi.
Can you please score my essay in post #6?
Thanks.
I highly appreciate your help.</p>

9

<p>Ok, I think those essays were good… but by just changing a couple things, you can make them great! First, they’re a tiny bit too long, you won’t have time to write so much on the test day!! Your essays are more than 515 words, if you do 400-450 on the real test, that’s perfect. Second, you still have a few mistakes that can be easily corrected (not a big deal if you leave 2/3). Finally, change the structure of your essay, without changing what you say. So 2/3 sentences for a short introduction, 3 paragraphs with 1 example per paragraph and a short conclusion (2/3 sentences). That will give your reader the impression that you are organized and know what you’re talking about. I’d give your essay #1 a 7/12, the revised version of it a 9 (10 max) and the last one 9 or 10 max. Yet, by structuring your essay, you’ll immediately score higher than 10 EVERY time!!! With a little organization, your essay could maybe score a 12!!! (11 at worst) Because you have a lot of culture and your examples are interesting, you just need to present it better…</p>

10

<p>thank you very much.</p>

11

<p>

What mean “structuring”? I consider 4 approaches for the Essay: a narrative, a 4-paragraph, a pesonal story, and a 5-paragraph.</p>

12

<p>100 views and no comments=(</p>

13

<p>Well…Your essay is far too long than you could write in the real exam, I bet.
But overall it is well-developed and has a clear structure.
I will give it 10-11 marks:)</p>

14

<p>@ suleyman95: I replied to your question the message I sent you earlier, you’ll see it when you wake up!</p>

15

<p>Ok. 10char</p>

16

<p>Your first essay is an 8 - 8.5 / 12. To improve, you don’t need to focus as much on the grammar, as on the central idea of the essay topic. In other words, your body paragraphs should keep coming back to “understanding ourselves”. But you don’t tell the reader what either of your example people learned about themselves.</p>

<p>The main problem with the second essay is a lack of specificity in your first body paragraph. It would be much stronger if you included specific books (or a specific book) instead of keeping your discussion so general.</p>

17

<p>why do u think the essay in post 1 wont get a 10?
I think it definitely will score a 10 or 11</p>

18

<p>

I agree. 8-9/12

Why do I need to do that? Prompt asked my opinion–I answered. You think that it would be stronger if I inculed some made up books? I don’t think so. And, I took as an example Gomer’s Illiad Odessey.

Grammar, Too big. 8-9/12. It’s NOT the essay which is needed for the SAT.</p>

19

<p>

Yes, I didn’t write directly, BUT basing on my examples, any educated teacher/student could imply and infer it.</p>

20

<p>

</p>

<p>I believe that your essay would be stronger if you made up some books. It would help give concrete examples to support your thesis.</p>

<p>You’ve definitely improved a lot. Good luck on Saturday!</p>