Pls review my Cal rejection appeal!

Applying to College
1

I know my chances r next to nothing. My situation is weird btw, so pls lmk if what I wrote is understandable! Thanks!

Dear UC Berkeley Admissions Committee,

My name is [redacted] (UC Application ID 000000). I received notice that I wasn’t offered admission to Berkeley’s class of 2030. I’d like to respectfully appeal this decision with new information that I believe provides meaningful context for my academic record and demonstrates my continued growth as a student and individual.

Weak 11th grade grades: I didn’t add the circumstances I faced that academic year because of their unusual nature. My family and I have always struggled with the anger-driven and often drastic decisions my brother, [brother name], makes due to his autism. One day, upset with our mom’s reminders to do his homework, [brother name] falsely claimed to his school’s counselor that our mom was physically abusing him. Again, his claim was completely false—neither I nor my siblings have ever experienced any type of abuse.

For the remaining school year, officers cycled through our apartment for routine wellness checks, [brother name] began receiving weekly counseling at home, and our household’s dynamic deteriorated. My grades suffered as I worked to simultaneously console my mom, create a sense of normalcy for my other younger siblings, and mitigate the constant state of unease our household plummeted into. I did the best I could that school year given its deeply disruptive circumstances, and that the previous school year’s grades are proof of my ability to succeed given a stable learning environment.

In addition to the reason in my original application, this situation also explains my weak 12th grade course rigor. This year, my mom requested I’m home early to help with the language barrier between her and [brother name]. She’s never asked this of me before, and it’s clear to me that this request stems from the anxiety she’s developed since the situation. Multiple times, she’s expressed to me her fear that something will be lost in translation when she interacts with him and that a similar ordeal will unfold.

Developments I’ve made since submitting my original application to productively utilize my extra time include:

  • Medication Technician at [redacted] (employment)

  • California Scholarship Federation Seal (award)

  • Volunteer at Bay Area Community Health (community service)

  • Mental Health Aide for children and adults with developmental delays and challenging behaviors (employment)

  • Enrolled my mom in [redacted] English learner courses + tutor her

There’s a place for every part of me at Berkeley: The Muslim Student Association for my faith. The Black Student Union and the African Inclusivity and Solidarity Association for my race and ethnicity. The Black Advocates for Equity in Health for my ultimate ambition to help combat racial disparities in healthcare. Teach in Prison and Alternative Breaks for my commitment to service. This sense of belonging intensifies knowing that my local mosque’s imam, [imam name], regularly speaks at Berkeley’s MSA, reminding me that the community I grew up in and the education I’m building towards aren’t worlds apart—a fear I’ve always had as a first generation college student.

Finally, I humbly request that I’m reevaluated as an Undeclared Social Sciences major. This change is prompted by my recent realization that my interest in the intersection of social justice and healthcare is greater than I anticipated. If given the opportunity, I hope to utilize Berkeley’s resources, like its Center for Race and Gender, serve its diverse campus and off campus community in programs like the Death Penalty Clinic, and engage in Dr. Amani M. Nuru-Jeter’s HEARTs Research Group to further explore the extent of my interests before declaring.

Thank you for your time and consideration. Go Bears!

Sincerely,

[redacted]

2

Your letter is fine.

Please pivot to Plan B! Do you have any affordable acceptances you are excited about?

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You letter is crystal clear. Sending you lots of luck and also a big hug. I’m so sorry for what you and your family have managed and are continuing to work through​:heart:

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I’m very sorry for what you’ve been through.

Your letter is clear and well written.

A couple of thoughts you may want to consider adding-

If your senior year grades were strong, I’d highlight that in your letter. To me that would lend more strength to the argument that you will succeed at Cal rather than looking backwards to sophomore year grades.

Unless you are planning to commute to Berkeley from home, I would also consider a brief line that your mom is now able to manage the situation with your brother on her own so there is no doubt that you will be able to focus fully on college and not be torn with responsibilities at home.

And I also hope you have a Plan B in case this doesn’t work out. Best of luck to you!

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5

Your letter has a couple of glaring weaknesses which will not help your cause. Please do not send in this appeal letter in its current form.

When writing a letter of appeal, understand your purpose. In the letter shared above in your thread-starting post, your have lost sight of your goal.

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OP: Have you spotted the glaring errors in your writing ? (There are at least three.)

Do you understand that you contradict yourself and the entire asserted basis of your appeal ?

Again, think of your goal when writing a letter of appeal to an adverse admission decision.

This letter will not help your cause.

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I really don’t see the glaring mistakes​:sob: please let me know so I can fix them!!! Thank u sm for ur feedback.

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Do you think that it is wise to blame a child suffering from a disability for your poor academic performance ?

Twice you assert that your disabled younger brother is a liar; how does this help your cause and how do you know that he was being untruthful ?

Blaming others is rarely a sound basis for an appeal letter. Blaming others shows a lack of maturity and, in this case, a lack of compassion & understanding.

Extra Time ??? The entire basis of your appeal is that you had inadequate time to study due to unusual household circumstances.

The letter paints you as one unable to deal with, and to rise above, adverse circumstances.

A more mature approach might frame the issue of your brother’s difficulties and your mom’s struggles as a communication issue rather than as untruthfulness (which you do not truly know whether or not your brother’s statements were true or not).

Dealing with uncertainty is another approach. You need to listen with an open mind and an open heart. Do not portray yourself as judgmental & cold-hearted toward your younger brother who suffers from a disability and needs your care, love, & understanding.

Your appeal letter concludes with an array of activities that you intend to pursue during college that clearly shows that you intend to abandon your disabled brother in order to spend a vast amount of time to purportedly help others. This is not a good look for you.

You can share that your study time and, consequently, your grades, were affected in an adverse fashion by your family situation which demanded love, compassion, and understanding of different perspectives for several parties. Share, if true, that the circumstances required you to grow and mature in order to deal with situations which were challenging.

Above all, do not blame others.

P.S. It is okay to admit that you were overwhelmed by family obligations which demanded your attention and required you to enter a new phase of maturity with which you are struggling.

Understand that when one is “struggling” that this is an indicator of growing pains encountered in the process of maturation.

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I do not know if you are familiar with the term “elephant in the room”. This term refers to a big major issue that is being overlooked, or at least not mentioned.

To me the big major issue here is a question: Where have you been accepted (and are you in-state in California)?

UC Berkeley rejects a lot of very strong students. If you are in-state for UC Berkeley, then you are also in-state for the other UC’s and CSU’s, which includes a lot of very good universities.

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Omg, these r major holes in the letter. Thank u SO much. could u advise me on how to proceed?

How should I explain the extra time I’ve had to do the new activities I shared? when the situation was still new, I was completely consumed with the tasks I listed. I still do those things now, but less often because 1) since helping my brother transition to a special needs school 40 minutes from us, he’s home much later than he used to be due to transportation time on the bus he takes (the school is 40 minutes from us) leading to less crossover between him and our mom. 2) When he is home, he hardly leaves his room, keeping his interactions w our mom minimal. But the discrepancy I’m also having trouble explaining is that this is the same as his behavior before the incident which, to me, makes the ordeal/accusation more confusing. 3) the English learner courses I enrolled my mom in are from 5pm-8pm and this time frame is, as before the incident, around the time he comes out to grab dinner before returning to his room. don’t get me wrong, I still spend ample time mitigating between the two, but less often as tensions in our household continue to lessen in light of new schedules, my mom’s improving English, and my brother’s improving mental health as he’s finally at a school that can best serve him and his needs. This leads me to having some time where I’m not worried that something may happen and that I fill with other extracurricular activities. Is this information even worth mentioning at all?

Next, how do I deal with the part of my letter sounding like I’m going to abandon them for Berkeley? I think I should mention the lessening tensions/improving relationship between my mom and brother, but I’m not sure how to frame it because I’m worried it’ll sound redundant with the last point.

Finally, I think it’s crucial to mention that the accusations were false as this was the most damaging aspect of the situation to our household dynamic. Since then, everyone in our household walks on eggshells around my brother; we’re all worried that he might make another false claim—especially our mom. My brother now doesn’t care for on the situation and interacts with our mom like nothing happened, but it still petrifies her which is why, again, she’s asked me to take on a lesser course load to be home and help her communicate with him so he doesn’t misunderstand something. Should I relay this in the letter ? If so, how?

Also, idk how in the world to prove that I know for fact that the accusation is false without making it sound like I’m uncompassionate towards my brother’s developmental issues.

Pls help!:smiling_face_with_tear: again, thank u so much for the feedback. Seriously.

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So you’re unhappy you got turned down.

But what is your basis to appeal ?

Something you knew up front but didn’t include….you have no basis to appeal.

They didn’t accept you. Nor will they with your appeal.

Move on to someone who did accept you.

You will determine your success in life. A college won’t. Good luck.

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I was rejected for UCLA and UCI’s for nursing and accepted to UCSB for psychology.

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Do you want nursing or psych ? Did you get in anywhere else ?

Can you afford UCSB ? Do you want other options ?

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Thank u!

Yes, I knew it upfront but didn’t mention it for fear of creating confusion in the review of my application—if I mention that, do u think I’ll have a basis to appeal?

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You have no basis to appeal. Bottom line - Cal decided they could not admit you. That you wanted to go there is no reason for them to accept you. I mean, why not appeal UCI and UCLA too ?

What is it you want to study ? Let’s find a school where you can study that. Going to Cal guarantees zero in life.

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I have offered guidance in my post above.

One concern is that you are too focused on specifics that do not pertain to your goal of getting your rejection reconsidered.

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@Peterpiper251161 I don’t know if you’re still around, but I want to let you know that you will be TOTALLY ok not going to Cal, even though it feels like EVERTHING to you right now.

I know because my kid, who talked about Cal since elementary school - was WL. To say he was devastated is an understatement - like his golden opportunity was just out of reach but maybe there was SOMETHING he could do to make it happen.

There wasn’t. He picked another UC, registered, moved in, went through orientation. He tried to make the best of it. Deep down, he was so sad and mad, he wanted to go to Cal and he did NOT want to be at his crummy UC backup.

Fast forward 3 months, his big opportunity, with all his AP’s and some strategic summer courses he was ready to apply as a transfer - but guess what? He wasn’t sure anymore. He had made friends, had great grades, didn’t like it, but he didn’t hate it either- he opted to wait it out. Fast forward 6 months, transfer still on the table, but he’s even LESS sure - more friends, more comfortable, and happier. I can’t say for sure what he’ll do, but I would not be surprised if he stays. That school he dreamed about all those years? He says he’s not sure he even likes it anymore.

No school is perfect, no place guarantees you anything. All the things he thought he liked about Cal are not as interesting anymore, all the reasons he thought he would be happy there have changed. As mentioned above, YOU are the common denominator in your success, not the school.

You have a fantastic back up in UCSB - and there’s a lot of sad kids out there right now because SB was THEIR dream school, and they got shut out. You made it!

In the 2024 cycle (the last year we have data for), out of 1,500 students, UC Berkeley took 4 on appeal. I don’t like your odds. I think your best bet is to move on. I know it’s hard to let it go, believe me I know, but I bet that in 6 months you’ll be in a much different place.

And if by then you still don’t love your new UC, you can apply to transfer. But whatever you do, be open to the possibility that life is taking you in a different direction for a reason you have yet to discover.

And whatever happens, I hope you will feel better soon, I really do.:blue_heart:

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I don’t think that going to college is “abandoning” your brother or family. That, to me, is a very destructive thought and I hope you did not absorb it. You have a right to live your life.

Clearly you have had a lot of responsibilities at home and I think a shorter version focusing on that would be better. (Responsibilities with autistic sibling and mother who lacks English skills, keep it at that.)

I have been on this forum a long time and don’t actually recall appeals to admissions after rejection. UCSB is a great school. If you don’t want to do psychology, and want to do nursing, do you have other options?

I would not send this letter at all but instead work on accepting the rejection and embracing the acceptances. If this is difficult, maybe talk to a therapist, especially after what your family has gone through.

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