plz critique my essay~~

<p>hi i will applying to several top uc's..my grades are average but i hope my essay can push me to the top....
Question 2 tell us about a talent personal experience contribution or personal quality you will bring to uc</p>

<p>be gentle...</p>

<pre><code>I am addicted to laughter. No, laughters now some new street name for crack, it is what it is, the purest most opiate form of happiness. Hearing this escape others' mouths gives me a high and the most undescribable joy. I need to make people laugh, I need to make people share in my joy, this is who I am.
You can trace this lust for laughter back to 1st grade. I was well known for my alter-ego, the tickle monster. Being bigger than most kids my age, I forced kids into corners and tickled them into submission (this is a shady past that that I do not like to bring up.) After some parent-teacher conferences and some serious talks about how tickled kids were not sharing in my happiness, I changed my ways. This passion for laughter obviously did not diminish a bit. 11 years later I'm still known to resort to cheap, gimmicky ways to draw out a laugh or two. "Dood Kim, you're so not funny, that its funny," a friend once admiited to me. So I may not have a dashing wit or a charming sense of humor, but i can undeniably make people laugh, this is most important to me. With my famous "fish-face" and my dry humor I hope I will make people laugh for the rest of my life. A world without laughter is not a world for me to be living in.
</code></pre>

<p>Have you calculated your UC GPA and compared it to the admitted classes at the schools you are looking at? That might give you an idea of a ballpark. I really doubt an essay will push you into a UC. Especially this, and there's not a lot of analysis or insight. Lots of people are funny, but it's not a 'talent' that would push you in.</p>

<p>Also, I'd stay away from the references to forced tickling and P-T conferences--this could be perceived as a form of bullying and I wouldn't go there.</p>