One of my parents grew up in a country with no drinking age. Remarkably, binge drinking in young people isn’t an issue. When alcohol is treated as something forbidden, it becomes more appealing. I think the drinking age is the reason for the amount of binge drinking that goes on amongst young people in the U.S.
I don’t think just because something is forbidden that it becomes more appealing, or we’d have a lot more ‘bad stuff’ going on. I don’t pretend to know what the reason is that some (like me 
) really went off the deep end in college.
We plan on introducing D17 to alcohol in our home before she goes off to college, in part so she knows what to expect when the time comes and she is not with us. Haven’t quite figured out how we’re going to do this, but it will probably be the summer before college. We’ve already had the discussion about not drinking from an open container unless she poured it herself and knows what it is. She may drink before next summer, which will change our approach. TBD.
@2muchquan It’s not forbidden universally. It’s something that is forbidden for young people, which makes is appealing for young people who want to be respected and viewed as adults. I should’ve specified things that are forbidden for young people are more appealing.
I continue to think genetic predisposition is more important than whether alcohol was treated as forbidden fruit or whether it was allowed in moderation. IOW, I think my kids would have come out the same whether we had treated it as forbidden or allowed it in moderation. As it was, it was a non-issue because their “experimentation” was minor and inconsequential. I think the stakes in how to address it are a lot higher if it’s a family where there is a genetic predisposition to managing alcohol well.
@pizzagirl:
The genetic predisposition is towards alchoholism. If a family has a genetic predisposition towards alcoholism, then the issue of drinking and kids (or as adults) is going to be very, very different than one where it isn’t. When kids binge drink it isn’t like they all are alchohilics addicted to drinking (some of course may be, or turn into alcoholics), binge drinking is driven mostly by peer pressure and by the idea that drinking is ‘cool’ and ‘grownup’, and if it is something that has been forbidden fruit to them, it is going to make it even moreso based on my own experiences growing up, and what my son has seen…and it is also about ‘freedom’, a parent who is strict about drinking, and the ability to drink becomes ‘freedom’ from the parents. My son is in the world of classical music, and in high school and in the music schools, a lot of the kids come from backgrounds where the parents tend to be very strict, controlling the kids lives, etc, and when they get to conservatory, these kids are the ones most likely to go crazy with alcohol (and other things), and a lot of that is about perceived freedom and ‘being adult’.
“Te genetic predisposition is towards alchoholism. If a family has a genetic predisposition towards alcoholism, then the issue of drinking and kids (or as adults) is going to be very, very different than one where it isn’t.”
Yes; isn’t that exactly what I just said?
State laws vary. http://drinkingage.procon.org/view.resource.php?resourceID=002591
We are in a state that allows parents to consent to their own children being served in a restaurant and also to do so in any private place.
At 11, the 7-up was probably the only way my father could dilute the alcoholic taste enough for it to be somewhat tolerable to drink. Took me a long time to tolerate and even enjoy the taste of alcohol on the rare social drinking occasion.
Even if the taste wasn’t an issue, the fact my childhood/teen/undergrad mind associated drinking…especially heavy drinking with the homeless alcoholics and/or drug addicts in my old NYC neighborhood and ne’er do well relative did a lot to make drinking quite uncool and the complete opposite of glamorous.
This was only furthered when I learned more about the physical and psychological effects of alcohol and drugs while taking a HS pharmacology course from a teacher who is a graduate of the Columbia College of Physicians and Surgeons in order to fulfill a science elective requirement. Vast majority of the class were aspiring pre-meds/pharmacy majors.
@pizzgirl:
“Yes; isn’t that exactly what I just said?”
No, you said that genetic predisposition was more important than whether alcohol was treated as forbidden fruit or in moderation and unless I misread it, you were applying that to binge drinking as a whole, that those who end up drinking a lot are genetically predisposed towards it. If you meant that if someone who has a predisposition to alcholism is likely to drink whether it was treated as forbidden fruit or moderately, I agree, but I don’t agree that applies to a majority of the kids who end up abusing it, binge drinking, most of them are not genetically predisposed IME, they binge drink for social reasons.
@cobrat:
Not wondering why your dad did it, just wondering what that would taste like…most kids don’t like beer, that is true, I can understand 7 up’s sweetness covering the taste of beer, just thinking not a drink someone would order lol.
Actually, when I described that incident to a few friends who know their drinks, the ones who are/were bartenders said they’ve had patrons order a similar type of mixture while working the bars in Boston/NYC. One described the beer/soda mixture as a “shandy”.
When our kids were - I don’t remember, 13 or so - we had them try all kinds of liquor - gin, rum, bourbon, whiskey, whatever we had around. Straight. They didn’t need to know that people don’t often drink this stuff straight. Of course they gagged and spit most of it out. That was quite deliberate on our part. We wanted them thinking alcohol was yucky.
I never wanted the kids to think alcohol was yucky. I just wanted them to know it wasn’t “special.” But in some ways having a household where one parent doesn’t drink and one does kind of balances it all out. I like having a drink or two, trying new cocktail recipes or just my fav wines. I really enjoy, now that the kids are adults, and they are home visiting, going out with them one-on-one having a drink and dinner and conversation. I have never liked beer and I’ve enjoyed learning about craft beers from them. Just a month ago my middle and I were in a brew pub for some one on one and celebrating a promotion for him and when the waitress came over he said “I’m buying my mom’s drink today” and the waitress and I just laughed and laughed. I’m a person who thinks you can model responsible drinking as wel as talk, talk, talk about the bad things that can happen if you get drunk, not the least which is a DUI or an MIP. Now heaven knows what they did when they went off to college and I’ll probably never know. I’m sure they had nights were they drank too much and had nasty hangovers, but the thrill wears off pretty young in my opinion.
We have a lot of alcoholics in my family, including my half-sister. She was going to drink whether she was allowed to at home or not (she started working at a restaurant at the age of 14 and could get alcohol there if she really wanted). She was going to drink if she wanted to whether it was at home or elsewhere. My parents preferred she drink at home but her mom didn’t allow it at her house. So every time she got in trouble with alcohol as a teen, it was when she was staying at her mom’s. She was allowed to drink at our house but she very rarely got drunk since all we had was the lighter alcohol. But when she was at her mom’s she hung out with college-aged people who had much stronger drinks.
I’m lucky that I didn’t inherit that addictive personality. Weed was also not really off limits at my house and I experimented a few times in high school but it just didn’t appeal to me. I use it now (edible, not smoke) because it’s about the only thing that takes away my pain. I’ve never understood the ridiculous hubbub around weed. It’s much less problematic for you than alcohol (and definitely better for my body than the very powerful meds I take that have pretty much disfigured my body)
I don’t drink or keep alcohol at home. Dd has no interest it.
She doesn’t feel like she is missing out on anything.
I wouldn’t serve underage kids alcohol at our home.
I don’t think there are too many parents here who would comfortably give other people’s underage kids alcohol…and if they are they sure aren’t going to admit to it.
Agreed, I have never given underage visiting kids alcohol but I have had my kids offered alcohol by adults in their homes when I have not been there and it boils me!
I would only give other kids alcohol if their parents were present and ok with it. Which has happened exactly once. A 20 year old friend of the family at a July 4th party. And my kids were a good bit younger then–she is not a peer of theirs. I would not serve a 20 year old if there were other 20 year olds present who I wasn’t serving. So I wouldn’t serve my kids if they had friends over.
I think there’s a difference between “my kids’ underage friends were sitting at the table at a nice dinner in my home and I poured a little wine for them too” and “my kids’ underage friends all came over for a party and I didn’t care if there was alcohol there, they did their own thing.” We didn’t ever do the first, but I don’t think it’s any grand sin. The second is a much different scenario.
I think that soft drinks, potato chips, donuts, hard candy etc - the list can go on and on - are far more dangerous for underage kids than alcohol (in moderate amounts of course), yet many parents serve unlimited amounts to their own or other kids. Luckily, my kids always hated the taste of soda because they never tried it at home.