For those of you who have college-bound children (which I think in most states also means under the drinking age), what are your policies on consuming alcohol in your home? I’d like to think that as adults who view alcohol as a beverage, rather than as a drug, allowing a single drink with dinner when there are no plans to go out (so no driving), we have a better shot at fostering responsible alcohol use and having a healthier dialogue about alcohol abuse, but this is all new to us. I’d love to hear how other families are navigating this and the experience that those of you with older kids have had with the paths you’ve chosen.
None til 21 at our house for my kids. One is now in her mid-twenties, has an occasional glass of wine. Other just turned 21, does not like the taste or loss of control & does not drink.
In my state, it is legal for a parent to allow alcohol consumption as long as the parent is within eye view. So we allowed an occasional glass of wine, but it was rare that they even asked. In fact, I don’t think they really ever did until they were 20 or so.
I think the research goes against the common wisdom that allowing kids to drink at home somehow teaches them moderation. Of course, one can find plenty of anecdotes to the contrary here on CC, so it’s not absolute.
My only kid old enough for this to apply so far doesn’t drink (we’ve offered, esp. when traveling in countries with a lower age limit). I would allow it in the quantities you’ve suggested (wine or beer with dinner if not going out later, but not supplying a keg party for instance).
We allowed our own children to have some beer, wine, or a cocktail or two, even before the age of 18. Drink with dinner, celebrating at a family event with a cocktail. I think the 21 year old drinking age is silly. To me, it’s about enjoying a drink or two with food, with company, not to get drunk, not as a way to let down one’s inhibitions. It’s about moderation. My parent’s raised my siblings and I the same way. Alcohol wasn’t forbidden fruit. Sometimes my kids will have a drink, often they pass.
We were of the same school as @doschicos. We allowed our kids to have a drink at home (if they were not driving that evening) when they were underage. But we did not serve their underage friends.
My kids (now 18, 16 and 14) have been offered wine and champagne at special dinners since they were young. None of the three care for it and always decline. I think this demystified drinking. When D16 was on an exchange trip to Germany and was of legal age there she still declined alcohol though she said birthday parties were very different when drinking was involved!
My H doesn’t drink and I don’t drink generally except on the weekends,and then not always but if we had “stuff” in the house or were stocked up because we had company staying and the kids were staying home and didn’t have any friends with them we’d offer them something. I grew up sipping on my dad’s martinis and always had a glass of wine at holidays so I have no issues with this and kids with parents present. I wish the legal drinking age were 19, I think it would solve alot of problems.I think the almost all kids have been drilled not to drink and drive and I’ve noticed (my are all over the age of 22 now) that they don’t drink and drive. Uber, cabs, designated drivers are really part of most kids conscience.
Our family has always had water or milk with dinner so it would have been pretty strange to offer wine or beer to the kids. In the last few years we have had wine at Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner but the kids are all over 21. They drink once in a while. None of our kids had a crazy, drunken period at college. I would never offer an underage child (my own, or someone else’s) an alcoholic beverage. It’s not legal to do so in Pennsylvania.
My mom was raised in Europe and drinks quite a bit- wine and beer. My dad doesn’t like alcohol. They both think the 21 age limit is absolutely ridiculous. In my household, lighter alcohol like wine, beer, and wine coolers have never really been off limits and my mom taught me to like beer and wine (I haven’t come around to the wine yet!) for taste and not to get drunk. So by the time I got to college, cheap beer and bad mixed drinks had zero appeal to me.
But the rules were simple: if you drink, no matter how much or little, your keys are gone until the next day. That rule went for me and anyone else who happened to have alcohol at my house- regardless of age. We have an absolute zero tolerance for alcohol and driving.
"I think the research goes against the common wisdom that allowing kids to drink at home somehow teaches them moderation. "
Yes, I’ve seen this research as well, I think in reference to drinking in Europe.
And this isn’t something that DC has pushed for, it’s just us thinking about how we want to manage it.
In Texas it’s legal for parents to give their own children alcohol at any age. Children can even order alcohol at restaurants but it has to be served to the parents who can then give it to their children. I was really shocked by this but was involved with an incident where a 17 year old college freshmen Girl Scout was drinking at an adult Girl Scout fundraising event in front of several younger girls there to help out. I complained and was told that even though it’s against Girl Scout rules it wasn’t against the law in Texas. For me, it’s one thing to allow your own kids to drink in your own home but it’s another to allow them to drink in public in front of children that they are supposed to be a role model for.
I’m French and Italian, so drinking wine starts long before 21. Our kids have been allowed to have wine and champagne and tastes of virtually anything in our home.
That’s how I grew up as well.
It’s legal in my state for parents to serve their kids alcohol. I’ve offered it on occasion to both of my kids (now 18 and 20). Neither takes us up on the offer very often. Maybe some champagne at New Year’s.
There is a difference between an 18 yo having wine or champagne on a special family occasion and parents providing an open bar at a graduation party. The latter has happened and sometimes with tragic results.
Since it’s against the law where I live. The answer is big fat NO. I don’t drink there isn’t any alcohol in my house to serve anyway.
There is no alcohol in our house. Wife and I rarely drink. Family/friends who come over know to bring their own if they want to drink (and they take it with them when they leave). Kids won’t drink in our house before they are 21. After that, they can if they buy it. Never would allow friends to drink when under 21. Doesn’t matter if they are driving or not or staying overnight.
I wonder how many people REALLY know the law and exceptions in their state. Or if they just heard somebody say that this was the law (maybe another parent) and did it. Here is a table of the laws by state.
http://drinkingage.procon.org/view.resource.php?resourceID=002591
It is illegal in California to drink in a private home under 21. We are a very light drinking family except holidays or vacations. My D went to France for Study Abroad at age 19. They served wine at dinner in the student cafeteria (and any restaurant she went to). There were several field trips to wineries in Provence. When she returned I noticed that she had more knowledge than I do about wine. I now let her have wine at family dinners, especially since her boyfriend is oveage but he doesn’t drink anyway, but could obviously buy anything she wanted.
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It is illegal in California to drink in a private home under 21.
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My parents broke that law for years. oh well.
Actually, I imagine that rule is on the books to hold adults responsible if someone under 21 drinks and drives. I never heard of any “home arrests” where families sitting around their pasta dinner with wine get arrested.