2muchquan um, ok, sure… lol. I can tell you 100% that I have NEVER give whiskey to a dog. I also like to teach my kids common sense. For us, that means no underage drinking.
Wow! This just sparked a memory of my grandmother forcing us to drink a concoction of brandy, lemon, honey and hot water when we were sick as kids. I hated it! Still can’t stand brandy to this day.
So much for not giving alcohol to underage kids. I have memories of this from about the time I was six or seven years old! Don’t know how much alcohol was actually in the mix.
I’m probably lucky if they didn’t put a drop of bourbon in my baby bottle to help me sleep all night. I’m pretty sure they didn’t.
On a more positive note, we were never allowed soft drinks till we were teenagers and they couldn’t really stop us from having them out other places, so we were allowed to have them at home… kind of like some approach teens and alcohol.
Growing up, my teetotaler grandmama had a coca-cola every afternoon and that was really seen as forbidden fruit by us kids.
I don’t think the drinking laws are a valid comparison to outdated laws that are not actually enforced. People are arrested and face serious consequences for providing alcohol to minors in states where it is illegal (i.e. Excluding those where you can serve your own underage children).
My husband and I have no alcohol in our house. I’ve had an occasional drink at a wedding but otherwise we just don’t drink. It’s just not a part of our regular lives and I doubt it will be for my kids.
S wanted a small post HS graduation get together with about 6 buddies. He really wanted to sit at the outdoor fire pit, smoke cigars and have a glass of Crown Royal with his closest friends. (no- nobody is a regular smoker).
H and I contacted each of the families of the other boys (all male HS) and discussed the proposed plan. They were THRILLED that this was addressed. They were THRILLED that the grads could have a safe place to celebrate in a reasonable fashion.
So, when the grads arrived they each turned in their car keys. These were kept in a very safe place.
We served them them steaks and all the associated fixings.
They sat by the fire until the wee hours of the morning…between 6 of them the didn’t even finish one smallish bottle of Crown Royal.
Our policy has always been to take the keys of any underage person visiting if we thought for even a moment some sort of mind altering substance might be involved. Yes, it is our house. Yes we have control…but when we went to bed…it was the honor system. And it’s easier to be honorable without keys.
It got to be humorous throughout that the summer. They’d walk in and simply toss the keys at me…" Here ya go Mrs. Homeowner…thanks for letting us come and stay again. Most of the time they didn’t do anything by eat junk food, drink soda and play some video games.
One time a visitor needed to get something out of his vehicle. He asked if I would accompany him to the driveway so that I could be certain he was being honest. It was so sweet. Since his vehicle was blocked in by others I suggested that this time he could go as an ‘unaccompanied minor’ to retrieve the item 
S takes the same group to our mountain cabin. He either drives them all or collects the keys and puts them away when they arrive.
Our kids know the risks not only to themselves and their friends. They know they put everything H and I have worked for on the line.
So far so good…
@dietz199:
The only thing I’ll point out (and this is not a moral judgement) is that in many states you would be in serious trouble, even if the parents approved (ironically, it would be true for the cigars and the booze, many states have minimum ages of 19 and above with tobacco to purchase or use). I think you guys behaved responsibly in making sure they didn’t drive and so forth, but you could be in a lot of trouble, if something did happen or someone decided it was their moral duty to report you. For the record, I think that parents should have the right to decide with their underage kids about drinking (obviously, there also would need to be consequences for parents who did so stupidly, a glass of beer or wine or something like dietz just reported is one thing,alllowing kids to drink until they pass out is another; but the same thing could be said about a lot of things not done in moderation), and I could also see parents giving permission to another adult with their kids, but that isn’t how the law works in many places.
One thing to think about when we talk about underage drinking. Has anyone looked back in time to what people in the past routinely drank? In colonial times, and indeed well into the 19th century, hard cider and ale were often drunk at meals, because water could be very sketchy as could things like milk. If you look at alcohol consumption by families back then, the whole family would be drinking hard cider or ale and the like. It was only when clean water supplies became available, again much later, that people’s drinking habits changed. Yes, tea was imbibed, as was coffee, but for many it would be drinks with alcohol in them. It was different times, but I think it puts a bit of perspective on things.
“S wanted a small post HS graduation get together with about 6 buddies. He really wanted to sit at the outdoor fire pit, smoke cigars and have a glass of Crown Royal with his closest friends. (no- nobody is a regular smoker).”
No way in hell would I sanction that in my home for post HS. And frankly even now that mine are of age, they are certainly free to drink without my approval but I wouldn’t allow smoking (cigars or cigarettes) on my property, at all. In fact the smoking would upset me more than the alcohol.
There really is no point to offer your kids under 21 alcohol unless it is so indelibly etched on your culture or custom that you have a glass of wine with dinner, and they start that at 15 or so (younger in some cultures).
Getting kids drunk is a different thing altogether. I was given alcohol, beer, at 12 by my aunt who babysat us. Did nothing for me or my brother who was also being babysat. We got one can each. She said it was supposed to stop us from getting drunk later. Problem was, I still almost killed myself on grain punch in college.
“For the HS grad” concerns me - if we are talking about parties in your house, absolutely don’t allow alcohol for under 21s. Parents or other over 21s present will take a lot of blame and legal culpability.
As for health, my friend’s sister was prescribed brandy for a persistent cough when she was in HS. It did work, but quantity was pretty small, not enough for a buzz.
I know there are very different opinions regarding our decision. FWIW…I despise smoking. The cigars were more bravado than smoke…IIRC only two were even started. Knowing my kid, and the others, it wasn’t going to lead to addicts.
I grew up in a culture which taught responsible drinking. We had glasses of wine or beer staring in our mid teens. It was under supervision and was part of a dinner or other event. We raised our kids in the same manner.
For us, taking the attitude of ‘no alcohol under 21 because it’s the law’ would have been sticking our heads in the sand. Similar to - if you don’t have legal access to contraception you won’t boink.
S has spent the past year abroad - in a country where one can drink wine and beer at 16. Since it wasn’t such a novelty to him, he didn’t feel the need to go crazy when the opportunity presented itself.
D spent 6 weeks during junior year in HS in the same country. She had the same opportunities to drink. Again, since it wasn’t a novelty it wasn’t a problem.
It’s a parenting decision each family needs to make for themselves. And as other decisions, we took reality, law and our individual kids into consideration.
So far, so good…
When D1 was college age, we had a dinner party for her and her closest friends to celebrate her birthday. Wines were served with the dinner to pair with food. The girls all got dressed for the party. They slept over after dinner. There was no binge drinking and it was very nice evening for all.
Here is a side note…Few weeks ago I threw a college graduation party for D2 where families were invited. There were under 21 siblings there and most of them were having wine or beer with their parents at the party, so I do find it so very interesting on CC that so many parents claim their kids do not drink or they do not allow their kids to drink under 21.
I had no illusions that my kids didn’t drink (underage) at college. Of course they did.
“FWIW…I despise smoking. The cigars were more bravado than smoke…IIRC only two were even started. Knowing my kid, and the others, it wasn’t going to lead to addicts.”
Oh, I wouldn’t worry that one night of cigars would turn anyone into a smoking addict. In fact, I think - but not sure - that my S tried his uncle’s cigar once, and that’s no big deal IMO. i did too but I don’t need to “sanction” it by having a party for that purpose.
When our kids left for college, we bought and puffed on celebratory cigars and we aren’t smokers either.
Sorry–any smoke makes everyone in this household wheeze–and worse. I’m glad and grateful my kids have NEVER been interested in anything tobacco or nicotine related, nor gave their friends.
Our kids are asthmatics, hospitalized regularly until their teens, and no one has ever smoked in our home. I think it was the most subversive act we could imagine at the time.
“Again, since it wasn’t a novelty it wasn’t a problem.”
I have never ever never ever seen this kind of statement born out in real life. My one side of the family has had drinking issues for many of them, and yes, they were drinking when they were kids. There was no novelty, there was addiction.
I really am starting to despise the few smokers left who insist on hanging on a restaurant door as they puff. I have asthma, and honestly I can’t walk through a cloud of smoke without triggering an attack. I applaud smokers who have the common courtesy to either not smoke outside their house, or leave a fair amount of space (10’ would be lovely) so that us respiratorially challenged people can not go into a coughing fits.
As for the under 21s mixed with many family and friends over 21, that is much safer, in many ways (except for my one side of the family LOL), than having a under 21 only party.
Then again, I have a friend whose best friends were all over 21 when she was 19, but she already had a 1 year old kid. She was adamant not to drink alcohol though. (honors student as well, NFN)
In our state, it is illegal to smoke within 20 feet of doors and windows or indoors. Sadly, there are some violators but fewer and fewer. About 10% of our state is asthmatic.
“Then again, I have a friend whose best friends were all over 21 when she was 19, but she already had a 1 year old kid”
This is one of the reasons I find the drinking age of 21 so arbitrary and strange. Sure, you are a legal adult at 18, you can go to jail, vote, fight in a war, have and raise children but you can’t drink alcohol?! I’m all for providing some education on the risks of drinking and having harsh penalties for DUI, but the drinking age should not be 21. Go to any college campus on a weekend where at least half the student body is under 21. A good chunk of those students will be drinking anyway. Let’s not pretend otherwise.