@planner03, yes, I do know a couple of people who waited until 21 to try alcohol. Both were raised in conservative Christian homes where the parents didn’t drink.
@planner03 Not everybody is interested in drinking. Dd turns 21 next year. It’s her choice what she decides to do but so far she isn’t thinking about it.
I agree with @planner03, although I’m also gonna guess that 1) most of the kids of CC parents are a little less ‘social’ than the norm, and 2) CC parents are a little more clueless with what goes on in the non-academic lives of their children. So I’m not surprised at the general response so far.
I am not sure how you could make that leap of thought…
I wish my kids were a little less social than the norm!
Exactly the same here. I think it’s ridiculous that our son is in the Army shooting, blowing things up, and jumping out of aircraft but legally can’t have a drink for another two years.
I know a few older cousins and friends/acquaintances who didn’t have their first drink until well-after 21 because they came from a fundamentalist evangelical families which strongly discourages the consumption of any alcoholic beverages even for 21+ adults on religious and health grounds.
Yes, there are some religious families who regard ANY CONSUMPTION of alcohol to be bad and regard those who drink even casually as “drinking too much”.
One aunt from that fundamentalist sect berated me and a few other cousins for merely having a glass of wine at a cousin’s wedding when I was well past 21. My reaction along that of even their own kids and the hosting family/couple to be married was to roll our eyes and view her as being a bit too puritanical and controlling about aspects of others’ behavior which were really none of her own business.
This is one of the reasons why I believe the 18 to be considered a legal adult, to vote, and to join/fight in our armed forces and 21+ to drink is ridiculous and creates a group of second-class citizens(18-20 year olds) which IMO is contrary to the Constitution’s provision of equality of all legal citizens under the law.
It either should be 18+ for all the trappings of adulthood or 21+…not what we have right now. Ridiculous.
“it seems that mostly every poster is stating that their under 21 kids don’t drink, have no interest in doing so, or only have a “sip.” That doesn’t seem to align with what is going on college campuses today”
There are a lot of parents in this country with their heads in the sand…but the Parent Cafe population is the furthest thing from a cross-section. This is a group of outliers by many different measures, so it’s plausible to me that there might be less alcohol abuse than average.
I didn’t drink alcohol until my late 30s, because I didn’t like the taste or how it made me feel (instantly nauseous). I was raised (and am) agnostic.
I found after two kids I was able to tolerate it better (14 weeks of morning sickness with each kid raised my nausea tolerance level), I’m a bit of a white wine aficionado now.
So, there’s an entire group of people out there who could take it or leave it when it comes to alcohol, and it has nothing to do with religion.
That my wife and I rarely drink and have zero alcohol in our house has nothing to do with religion.
I am surprised that: 1) many people drink rarely or not at all; 2) parents who allow alcohol, even occasionally, to their minors pretty much mean “wine with dinner.”
We are what might be termed “social drinkers.” Maybe it’s cultural (Irish Catholic as are many of our friends), but I can count the non-drinkers that I know on one hand. Most of us drink cocktails before meals; then wine, beer or water during dinner; and then often a little more alcohol after dinner. This isn’t every day, but usually once or twice a weekend (at a party, family BBQ, etc.) I was at an uncle’s funeral two weeks ago and nearly everyone had a drink or two at the lunch–which started before noon.
We socialize with H’s large family quite a bit. Of the 20+ grandchildren (ages 10-36), nearly all the 16-20 year olds are/were permitted a beer or two that has no correlation with a meal (e.g., while playing horseshoes or bocce, or watching the Eagles game, or playing poker). The older cousins (mid-20’s and up) make pitchers of mixed drinks and the younger ones often have a small glass. I never thought about the legality of it until now, as I assumed that permitting my underage child to drink in my presence was a parental right. But I just checked, and it’s clearly illegal in PA. Useful thread!
I am pretty sure neither of my kids drank much if at all in high school , but I know that changed in college. I do not agree that most cc kids don’t drink in college. I also don’t think that most cc parents are that clueless.
My spouse doesn’t drink at all, I drink rarely; we do have alcohol in our house but it’s got a layer of dust. It has nothing to do with religion, nothing to do with fear of alcoholism in the family - we just don’t like the taste and I don’t think it’s worth developing a taste for.
We were both raised in families where our parents drank socially in moderation - a cocktail with a nice dinner in a restaurant, but rarely at home.
It wouldn’t occur to me to want or need a drink at a relative’s funeral, or a child’s birthday party, or sitting around watching a sporting event on TV. If it all went away tomorrow I wouldn’t notice or miss it! It’s just not a habit I feel I need to take up.
I could tell how much my kids have been partying in college by looking at their collar bones. If I couldn’t see them it meant too much drinking.
I drank to excess in high school. I drank until my senior year of college and then slowed way down. I do not give my kids alcohol, but I know they do drink. Both have boyfriends who are over 21 so they have all the access they want except can’t go to bars. One I don’t think drinks that much, but I’m pretty sure the other does. However, the second has rules imposed by her coach and I know she follows them, so her drinking is very limited during the spring (her season).
@oldfort – so what did you do when you couldn’t see the collar bone? I feel like the world’s worst mother for noticing and being very bothered by similar signs (though not because I’m worried about the level of alcohol consumption!)
I think no visible collarbone means they’ve chubbed out a bit? I’ve never heard of collarbones being a clinical sign of drinking, lol.
More like the freshman 15 (which I totally did because there was a pizza place on one side of the dorm and a donut place on the other =D )
I think the girls will certainly try alcohol when they’re in college, and we’ve had several talks about avoiding drinking at a frat, avoiding punch, keeping their drinks covered and getting their own drink, and to stick to the one drink per hour so they can maintain control and not damage themselves. They certainly appear to take the advice seriously and are well aware of the horrible consequences of not doing so (Stanford).
They know we prefer that they not drink at all until they are old enough to buy their own legally. They see me come home from school exhausted, with tons of homework ahead of me, and they see me get that homework done before I have a glass of wine (although I’m typically so tired I just do my homework and conk out-wine is more like the “yay I got an A on this test and I made it to Friday!” kind of thing). I know that even one small glass of wine with dinner=not being able to get my homework done, so it doesn’t happen, and they see that.
I don’t drink, but my husband has a beer or a glass of wine every day. We are both church-going Christians but are far, far from conservative. I am almost positive that my now 25-year-old daughter did not drink until it was legal because she was a straight-edge kid: no alcohol, smoking, or drugs - only punk rock and emo music. She had a large group of emo/punk friends who felt the same way.
My point it this: there are many people/kids who abstain from alcohol for a variety of reasons. Sure, religion may be the foundation of such behavior - but it can also be something entirely different. My D is also very stubborn,not easily persuaded, and not a crowd-follower. She was the type of kid who wouldn’t drink just because everyone else was drinking. Exasperating at times…
Our family policy is we don’t drink. My mom and dad don’t drink, my grandparents don’t, and neither do my sister or I. I am in in college and not 21 yet, but even then, I have no plans or desire to start drinking.
Lucky charm I think you are probably an outlier. It might be the Irish of course 
Our large (Irish and Italian) clans do have people who drink that often or in that quantity. But they are in the minority. I was just at a family grad party and I saw one under 21 kid with a beer. There were several varieties of wine and beer but no mixed drinks. At functions with a bar, one or two people will order a mixed drink.
I cannot fathom having teenagers drink beers as freely as the adults. For one, to me it implies that you can’t enjoy yourself without alcohol, and that’s not a message I want to send.
It also, to me, gives tacit approval to drink at other times. Just not worth the risk IMHO.