<p>“I also enjoyed making changes to this activity because there were many problems before I came in.”</p>
<p>There were many problems in an activity before I became president, but does that sound too arrogant?</p>
<p>That does sound a little pompous. If a new president of a club I was in said that, I would probably raise an eyebrow. With that said, it could probably pass… Although, depending on how popular you are with the members of that club, you may want to rethink that statement. </p>
<p>Is this supposed to be in a speech, by the way?</p>
<p>try saying how no club is perfect, and you wanted to steer the club towards striving for perfection. a little cheesy, but you get my drift.</p>
<p>personally, if i were a member of that club, or even a person who’s supposed to judge you based on what you say, i would be offended.</p>
<p>its for college apps.</p>
<p>The club developed <em>a lot</em> while I was President.</p>
<p>A little too direct. The art of writing is in conveying an idea just the way you want it to. If you’re having questions about how you have written the passage, then that means it could be better. </p>
<p>“I also enjoyed making changes” makes it seem like more of an afterthought. Maybe it could show arrogance, or making a big deal out of a small thing. How about restructuring your essay so the “problems” you fixed in your club are more in tune with the entirety of your whole essay??</p>
<p>if you’re more specific, it will sound better. “The student council had many problems, but after joining I fixed them all” sounds bad. It tells us nothing other than that you have a high opinion of yourself. </p>
<p>Vs.</p>
<p>“Because the student council had a reputation for garnering poor attendance at its events, I distributed a survey to a portion of homerooms which revealed that students preferred trips to sporting events and amusement parks over dances.”</p>
<p>If it’s for college apps, it might be better to take the route ChoklitRain suggested. ^</p>