Poor men are finding it increasingly difficult to date (income disparity)

College Confidential Community
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<p>"In reality, women do the choosing. Their criteria is entirely physical, and based on perceived masculinity. They want a caveman, especially during ovulation.This is why brilliant men are left to die alone, including many of the world’s greatest thinkers. </p>

<p>Once women choose a man based on looks, they will often say, “oh, I like him because he’s so sweet, etc.” I know the most mysognist, abusive, football playing guys and girls FLOCK to them. The sweet nerd will either die alone or marry a girl who is so physically undesired, nobody wants her."</p>

<p>Perhaps the “sweet nerd” male whom you describe is also so physically undesired that he ends up with a woman who is similar: sweet, but not that attractive.</p>

<p>"This is why brilliant men are left to die alone, including many of the world’s greatest thinkers. "</p>

<p>? Like who? There are lots of homely, brilliant men who have wives and girlfriends.</p>

<p>You seem like a very bitter person who doesn’t think highly of women. I think that it’s your bitterness and contempt of women that is keeping you from dating as much as you wish to.</p>

<p>I also suspect that you’re drooling over gorgeous party girls, who are far more likely to be interested in muscular, gorgeous, jock party animals than guys whose idea of fun is studying and doing similar things.</p>

<p>You’d probably do better in the dating scene if you were interested in girls who are similar to you in terms of intelligence, looks and interests.</p>

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<p>Northstarmom,</p>

<p>I think you’re making a bit of a mistake when you divide the dateable female population into the “gorgeous party girls” and the nice, though slightly homely girls.</p>

<p>In my experience, many party girls that only go after dim-witted jock-types are not even attractive; they’re either just rich and/or blonde so society automatically (and erroneously) deems them as inherently desirable (ahem, Paris Hilton anyone?). Meanwhile, there are often many girls who are stunningly gorgeous, AND intelligent AND sweet, who’d give even a scruffy-looking Bohemian from the wrong side of the tracks a chance if he was nice and charming enough.</p>

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<p>"
I think you’re making a bit of a mistake when you divide the dateable female population into the “gorgeous party girls” and the nice, though slightly homely girls."</p>

<p>That wasn’t what I was suggesting. I was wondering whether wutang… was going after gorgeous (and possibly not too bright) party girl types instead of intelligent women whose looks and personalities matched his own. While I don’t know what he looks like except that he indicates he’s short, his posts indicate that he’s an intellectual who may be characterized by some as a nerd. If he’s only trying to date gorgeous, very gregarious females who enjoy partying, he’s not likely to be successful because those women are attracted to different kind of guys.</p>

<p>“Meanwhile, there are often many girls who are stunningly gorgeous, AND intelligent AND sweet, who’d give even a scruffy-looking Bohemian from the wrong side of the tracks a chance if he was nice and charming enough.”</p>

<p>I agree up to a point. Typically people date others whose looks would be rated similarly to their own. If an ordinary looking or homely guy is hoping to date gorgeous women, he usually needs something like money or celebrity status to attract them. Brains aren’t enough as there are good looking people who also are very smart.</p>

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<p>I actually agree w/Northstarmom 100%.</p>

<p>I just thought it a bit ridiculous when women on here said that the most attractive quality in a man is intelligence. It just seems, in 2007, women should be able to admit that looks are about 80% of the equation-just as they are for men.</p>

<p>I think a better statement would be I love attractive men who ALSO happen to be smart. That’s all. </p>

<p>For whatever reason, there actually is a documented inverse correlation between looks and intelligence. Check the link I posted earlier.</p>

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<p>"I think a better statement would be I love attractive men who ALSO happen to be smart. That’s all. "</p>

<p>I think that virtually everyone would prefer the most attractive person they can get within the type of people whom they prefer to date. So, they could be saying, “I love attractive men who happen to be rich.” “I love attractive men who happen to be athletes.” “I love attractive men who happen to have Irish accents.” “I love attractive men who happen to be intelligent.”</p>

<p>For a person who rates intelligence as a very important characteristic for their partners, when it comes to a choice between, for instance, an attractive, but really stupid guy and an OK looking, but very intelligent guy, all things being equal, they’d probably choose the intelligent guy. </p>

<p>However, a gorgeous, intelligent woman probably can find attractive, intelligent guys to date so probably isn’t going out with homely intelligent guys unless they have something extra like money or fame.</p>

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<p>Related article from careerbuilder.com: <a href=“http://uplink.space.com/printthread.php?Cat=&Board=humanbio&main=314404&type=thread[/url]”>http://uplink.space.com/printthread.php?Cat=&Board=humanbio&main=314404&type=thread&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>When it comes to dating, I have seen some homely men with unimpressive physiques and accomplishments who were able to snag gorgeous women because the men exuded confidence.</p>

<p>“Despite what the research tells us, some of the world’s most successful people have been ordinary looking at best, and you would never mistake the faces in Fortune for the faces in Esquire or Entertainment Weekly. Business legends are often of average height (Bill Gates at 5’9�”) or even diminutive (Jack Welch, 5’8", and Ross Perot at 5’7"). What’s more, many folks who are lovely to look at complain that they lose out on jobs because people assume they are vacuous or “lightweights.” </p>

<p>How does this reconcile with all the research? Hiring managers say it is the appearance of confidence they find attractive, not the presence of physical beauty. And they contend that attractiveness has more to do with how you carry yourself and the energy you exude � rather than having perfect features or a great physique. </p>

<p>According to Gordon Wainright author of Teach Yourself Body Language, anyone can increase their attractiveness to others if they maintain good eye contact, act upbeat, dress well (with a dash of color to their wardrobe), and listen well. Wainright also stresses the importance of posture and bearing and suggests that for one week you stand straight, tuck in your stomach, hold your head high, and smile at those you meet. Based on many such experiments, Wainwright predicts you will begin to be treated with more warmth and respect and start attracting more people to you. "</p>

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<p>just going to chime in–</p>

<p>i can’t stand dudes who say “i want someone really intelligent.” what you’re really saying is “i want someone who’s almost as smart as me, but not quite.” no dude wants to be the “dumb” one in the relationship.</p>

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<p>“no dude wants to be the “dumb” one in the relationship.”</p>

<p>I know men who seem to be very happy having romantic partners including longterm wives who are smarter than they are. For some men, apparently brains are a big turnon.</p>

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<p>"According to Gordon Wainright author of Teach Yourself Body Language, anyone can increase their attractiveness to others if they maintain good eye contact, act upbeat, dress well (with a dash of color to their wardrobe), and listen well. Wainright also stresses the importance of posture and bearing and suggests that for one week you stand straight, tuck in your stomach, hold your head high, and smile at those you meet. Based on many such experiments, Wainwright predicts you will begin to be treated with more warmth and respect and start attracting more people to you. "</p>

<p>I agree with Northstarmom. To the above qualities, also add good listening skills.
I think women are attracted to men who have the ability to listen to them. </p>

<p>If you are confident in your own intellect, exhude confidence in your body language, and above all - have the precious listening skills, all these together are far more attractive to women than mere looks.</p>

<p>Most men as well as women who are obsessed with superficial attractiveness completely miss out on the inner beauty of a person. Eventually, a long term, meaningful relationship is founded on the inner beauty of a person and NOT on external features at all.</p>

<p>It’s also possible that there are some cultural differences between races. Being an immigrant Asian myself, I can speak for Asians. Asian societies put far more emphasis on the inner beauty/character of a person than external attractiveness or just money. I do believe that the Western culture puts way too much emphasis on superficial, external beauty…</p>

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<p>Remember that intelligence isn’t just academics. Intelligence, in the romantic sense, probably means witty conversation, emotional intelligence, artistic sensibilities, etc.</p>

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<p>and at certain times in your life you may be attracted to different kinds of people. A 20-something may be looking for a completely different type of person compared to someone in their 30’s…gross generalisation but its true alot of the time.</p>

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<p>^^^So true. It also is true that you cannot force someone to be attracted to you, no matter how ugly or good looking society deems you. Just don’t be friends with females you intend to try dating or marrying it never works out.</p>

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<p>I agree. I think it does hold that many of the different types of intelligence are correlated with each other (especially wrt academic performance). But obviously non-perfect correlation leaves place for many exceptions</p>

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<p>I think this is loosley related. In elementary school I had a friend who was the most popular girl in school. the girls wanted to be her best friend, the boys wanted to be her boyfriend. This was true for the entire time we went to school together; kindergarten through 6th grade. (Not sure about the boyfriend part in kindergarten). It wasn’t until I was an adult that I realized one of her legs was much shorter than the other, that she wore a special shoe, walked with a limp. Many other kids are teased mercilessly and excluded for much less, but with her, you NEVER noticed it because of her personality.Call me a liar, but I think attractiveness is way more than physical.</p>

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<p>^I couldn’t agree more. I would much prefer a kind and exuberant personality to someone with little redeeming qualities beyond his good looks. All surface and no substance doesn’t cut it for me! Being able to sustain interesting conversations is important as well, and that means that two people should have a somewhat level intellectual and emotional depth. Perhaps it wasn’t the wealth or lack of wealth that turned these men and women away from each other, but rather, that economics merely forced these individuals to re-evaluate what they were looking for in a partner, and when they did, they found themselves unable to reconcile this income difference alongside the many more differences they may not have considered previously - maybe it was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Many people are hasty in forming relationships, and unfortunately only realize at the breaking point of the relationship that they were not at all a good match to begin with! A truly compatible relationship that is built to last can and must be able to withstand economic, social, and innumerable other inherent disparities.</p>

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<p>This is so true, it hurts. Though I’ll disagree about their doing the “choosing.” It isn’t always the case, as one of the advantages of being an alpha male is that, often, women compete for him. Otherwise, women do the choosing, until their looks start to run out and they must settle immediately or remain childress forever.</p>

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<p>alpha males.</p>

<p>haha
wolf societies have omega males</p>

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<p>Honest insight into men: ALL males like gorgeous party girls. </p>

<p>In fact, the ideal girl for many men would be someone who is:</p>

<p>-very gorgeous
-slightly less intelligent
-makes less money
-very feminine in every sense of the word</p>

<p>the following things are either negatives or of no consequence:</p>

<p>-very above average intelligence
-assertiveness
-earning power
-dominating</p>

<p>*note the difference between family wealth and earning power</p>

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<p>^^^^You are so wrong that it’s funny.</p>

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<p>I second that.</p>