Cityran, you should contact any JBS that you have an interest in and ask if they still have openings. A few years ago, we applied in August to a JBS for our son and he subsequently attended (and wouldn’t change his experience there for anything).
Some may view the issue as to whether an 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, or 13 year old child needs the comfort & security & guidance of his or her parents more than the advantages of a better school.
Publisher- what exactly are the OP’s concerns? That someone else is raising their kids in a manner which he/she doesn’t approve of?
I’ve got neighbors who buy their kids brand new cars for their 17th birthday. I have friends whose kids get smartphones at the age of 8 and pretty much spend their entire life online displaying exhibitionist behavior which is either just dumb or potentially dangerous. I have acquaintances who don’t 'believe" in vaccinating their kids.
What recourse do you have when someone’s parenting practices don’t meet with your approval.? None. absolutely none. Except to tell your kids they are not allowed in a car with a brand new driver at the wheel, or to keep the unvaccinated kids away from your 6 week old nephew, and to warn your kids not to post that the family is on vacation and that mom’s Amazon password is “12345”.
And then you mind your own business. Right???
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Edit: I don’t believe this thread WAS created in good faith…
Fixed it.
I believe that parents have an important role in raising their children.
OP’s concerns are clearly stated in the post which opened this thread.
The evasive responses are interesting.
P.S. Regardless of OP’s motives, the issues raised are legitimate. The responses assert that this is a family matter & no one else’s business. Yet the questions of “why” & of “what psychological effect” remain unanswered.
Maybe these are questions best directed to a qualified child therapist / psychologist.
Spare me.
It’s interesting to me that people equate (junior) boarding school with not being raised by parents. While boarding school students are all under one “rule” at school, that certainly doesn’t mean parents aren’t parenting from a distance. Let’s also not forget (J)BS kids still spend a lot of time at home. I think one of the nicest things is how frequently (J)BS students are able to go home/have visits from parents…is there ever a time (non-international) students are away from their parents for more than 6 weeks ? When I was at BS, I saw my parents every month, except for the “long” stretch between Spring Break and the end of the school year, and we lived a plane ride away, so we only saw each other for sanctioned events/breaks. I agree that parents have an important role in raising children, but I don’t believe (J)BS prevents that from happening.
As a side note, I had several friends in BS who came from JBS and they too were “normal”.
Thank you. Unfortunately, I think that ship has sailed. It was a tough sell moving our son to a different school at all (he hated leaving his school friends), and he’s finally feeling comfortable with the decision, so we don’t want to rock the boat again. Also, with the uncertainty of what (junior) boarding schools will look like in the fall, we are now comfortable with our decision. It has become very clear that our son does not do well in a remote learning environment and I am more confident that his new school will re-open in the fall than I am that boarding schools will open (though I’m really hoping both do).
@cityran: Thank you for your responsive post. I think that you identified one line of thought, but–just like me–you are speculating about the JBS issues.
I expected that some might respond that “we did what we thought was best for our child under the circumstances” and then continue on to describe the circumstances. But that didn’t happen.
It seems clear that this is a sensitive, emotional, and private issue for many. Probably best to leave it that way in this thread.
I have no dog in this race. Never went to boarding school myself, never occurred to me to think about it for my kids. I have many colleagues and friends who have sent their kids to BS- it just wasn’t on my radar and we wouldn’t have been able to afford it anyway.
BUT- the idea of assuming that someone else’s kids are going to be massively screwed up because the parents are doing something you don’t approve of strikes me as insane. People do stuff all the time I don’t approve of. My kids have friends dating back to preschool whose parents did 'everything right" and the kid still took a left turn (psychiatric issues, drugs, criminal behavior) and have friends whose parents were lunatics and made every mistake in the book and yet the kids are successful adults with stable marriages, good jobs, and exemplary role models in the community.
So maybe keep your opinions to yourself??? What in heck is “sensitive, emotional and private issue for many”? Nobody hides the fact that their kid is in boarding school btw- even when kids are kidnapped in the middle of the night and sent off to a therapeutic program where there is no parental contact for weeks- people aren’t hiding that. So how private could it be???
I know the inner workings of several families who ended up sending their kids away, likely younger than some of you would “approve of”. Is it helpful for a kid to be around an ugly divorce/custody battle? Is it helpful for a kid to be home while a parent is in and out of rehab, never knowing if this is a “good week” or a bad week? And many families which are perfectly normal where the kids needed something different than the local educational options- to which I say “good for you”.
Not for me, not for my kids, but it’s a free country…
@blossom torn between liking and agreeing with your post 1,000%. And I’d love to meet the person who was brought up perfectly.
The OP initially prompted responses for a “positive” rationale for JBS…I knew 2 girls who went to JBS for the opportunity to combine academics with their equestrian pursuits. One went to Ethel Walker back when there was boarding for their 6-8th grade students. The other went to Stoneleigh-Burnham starting in 7th grade. They enjoyed having the flexibility of their schedules for competing, also.
The OP–@SportyPrep, has not returned to this thread.
OP’s opening paragraph in the thread starter simply asks to understand. For some reason, this curiosity has caused some posters to react in a very emotional fashion.
As a reminder, the OP–@SportyPrep, opened the thread this way:
“Try as I might, I can’t understand the appeal of sending one’s kid to JBS (junior boarding school) in 6th or 7th grade.”
OP continued:
“Unless it was really necessary, why… ?”
OP continued:
“What are the psychological impacts on a preadolescent?”
OP then shares the extent of his or her understanding with respect to expats and diplomats and some families from abroad.
OP is a boarding school parent who shared:
“It was hard enough for us to drop off our high school BS (boarding school) teen, and that came with feelings of guilt.”
Reasonable curiosity & a willingness to listen in an attempt to understand was met with harsh, judgmental responses rather than with answers.
Again, as a reminder, the OP–@SportyPrep is a boarding school parent.
We’ve been considering a JBS as a day student option for our DC for middle school, mostly due to proximity in our rural location. It’s a private school with a boarding option for kids as young as 10.
When I first read the OP I figured it was fake post, so I am surprised how much action has it seen. It seems bizarre that someone would put such a judgmental thing on a BS forum, considering that everything what OP said about JBS could be also said about regular BS. In both scenarios, there are reasons people consider it, as well as plenty of reasons for judgement. How OP decided that sending a 12yo is terrible while for 14 yo it is an amazing opportunity is beyond me, given it is such a personal choice in either scenario.
And as for positive reasons to send, the kids I know who went to JBS did so for the Harry Potter reasons, their family life was a mess with enormous amount of post divorce drama and animosity between parents. Going to JBS made their lives significantly better, and ironically very much improved their relationships with their parents too. One actually came back home for HS, the other continued to BS but now both are in college and appear to be well adjusted kids, so the path certainly seems to have worked for them, and their families.
@417WHB Thank you for the example you wrote about. That indeed would be a positive rationale.
Separately, always interesting to observe highly judgmental people judging other people as being, yes, judgmental. Feel free to ignore the question, not every post has to be answered or to one’s liking.
There’s quite a difference between 9-11 year olds entering JBS and 15-16 year olds entering BS. I was really wondering, if things are stable at home, how hard is it to send a really young kid away, and is the outcome worth it? Of course I understand JBS as an alternative if there are exceptional domestic circumstances.
I know a family where one child really needed something quite different than what was available nearby… either public, private, or homeschool. The other kids were thriving, parents loved their jobs, there was extended family nearby which provided support which would be impossible to replicate if they moved.
So the choices were:
1- have the child whose needs weren’t being met continue to be underserved
2- uproot the entire family and move where there were more abundant options and hope that they could get everything right- the jobs and commutes, the other kids schooling, missing family close by, etc.
3- send the middle schooler to BS for one year “just to try it out”, no commitment, understanding that if it didn’t work, they’d re-evaluate.
They’ve never looked back. This may or may not apply to you. For this family the outcome was worth it. They all missed their BS kid like crazy, but who wants to see their kid flailing educationally if there is a way to meet the kids needs which won’t uproot the entire family structure???
Loving, stable family btw.
Best description of CC ever.
The premise of this thread is : Here are all these negative, condescending, inflammatory and ridiculous leaps about JBS that are utterly baseless and absurd - Now prove me wrong. So inviting-right? And ironically it took the OP 34 posts (after polite and some not so polite pushback ) to add that they’re considering JBS for their child. Wait- what? IMHO- You could’ve framed the same inquiry about JBS 100 different ways, but that wasn’t one. OK- I’m probably going to regret this, but…
FWIW- I went to JBS when I was very young- like audible gasp young, but I was a middle child in a large family and I had older sibs in upper forms. My father traveled the world for business and my mom traveled with him. My dad went to BS ( like his dad ) so sending his kids away so young didn’t cause much panic or hand wringing because based on his own experience, he had a high level of comfort, plus he had enormous faith in us ( and in his parenting )even though we did our best to let him down sometimes.
It wasn’t the childhood many kids were experiencing at the time, but I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world. I never felt unloved or abandoned - in fact - I felt incredibly loved and supported by my classmates, school and my family . My mother and father wrote to me almost every day no matter where they were and I still have all their letters - and they kept mine which I’ve shared with my kids. K2 wants to use them for a future novel - but I told him to wait until after I’m dead. Lucky him- I only have old BS text threads with a bunch of K’s to hand down to his kids. 
Academically, JBS students were way ahead of kids in PDS or public school and even most SS BSs. I remember HS friends of older sibs talking about what they were reading and thinking - Geez, I read that in sixth grade. Frankly- I was over prepared and bored out of my mind for my entire IV Form SS year. It felt like I was repeating a grade and my SS was considered very rigorous. Actually- I had two SSs due to a serious riding accident- One all girl ( almost died ) and one coed.
My JBS was a very strict traditional BS, but there was also a very cool almost bohemian element thanks to the DS population. Famous writers, artists and musicians who became almost like surrogate parents to all the boarders. It wasn’t uncommon for a famous playwright or author DS parent to drop in on our English class or for a world-renowned artist to pack kids into a van for an impromptu tour of his studio and latest work - and we were all kind of oblivious to how really special this was - which is interesting because it wasn’t due to a lack of sophistication. I would say it was a testament to the wonderful family like atmosphere that we all enjoyed- even though the school itself was trying to kill us in the classroom and on the athletic field .
JBS tidbit: The turning point for increased JBS popularity can be traced back to 1975 and Anne Roiphe’s pivotal and “controversial” New York Times piece about her daughter’s experience at a JBS. It wasn’t well received by the elite one size/ system fits all crowd, but it really resonated with parents looking for something else - mostly a more traditional education with smaller classrooms and individual attention which is still the #1 reason today. In many ways - her piece put JBS on the map because she made it feel accessible to a large audience and appealing to parents who were unfamiliar with BS - and with that- all JBS campuses began to expand to accommodate demand which has steadily increased overtime and remains pretty solid today.
OP mentioned guilt and Roiphe addressed this in a response to an angry reader’s comment regarding the piece - which to me- still holds true today . She wrote : " Successful parenting and guilt‐free parenthood are much more complicated goals than I had expected, and so I am more hesitant about judging other people’s solutions—boarding school or not, day care or not : Only the arrogant are certain they are right ".
Not a huge fan of all Anne’s work, but I do believe she got this right - and Rose ( her fellow JBS parent ) jumped in , too: Rose Styron (Mrs. William Styron) w/ the heading " Full circle"
“To those of us who belong to older generations now passing “off stage,” it is amusing to read the surprised comments of moderns at finding that most children prefer disciplined guidance to the making of endless decisions which they are not mature enough to make.”
JBS was the greatest gift my parents gave me, and my SD and boys feel the same way about their JBS experiences , too.
Flash forward to my stepdaughter and two sons ( Irish twins ). Obviously, my husband ( also a SS BS alum ) has a daughter from his first marriage. My SD spent a lot of time with us growing up and was always intrigued with the idea of BS. Not because we had a dysfunctional household or a poor relationship with her mother, but because BS was often discussed and familiar- and an almost unavoidable extended family thing. Her mother wasn’t keen on JBS ( too young! she said ), but after a very successful summer at a JBS enrichment program ( which I always recommend to anyone on the fence, plus it’s nice for kids before they attend in the fall ) and many conversations with me - she agreed to let her go - and SD went to JBS and flourished. She went on to a great SS and Ivy League University. She’s married now ( with very young children ) and she has a big job.
Our JBS( like most JBSs) was amazing with divorced parents and not just with my husband and his former wife. Everyone ( Head , faculty and staff ) took great care and knew who was who ( and who I was and my station ) without any awkwardness on the first day, family weekends or other events - and it was all incredibly nice and civilized. Disclaimer: This is my first and only marriage, but SD was always so happy at JBS so points for us and the school for making the effort.
That aside - with my nine years of (combined) JBS parent experience - I will add widows and widowers ( with big jobs ) who chose JBS for their kids because they have demanding careers and have to travel. I’ll also add only children ( a reason why a dear friend sent her only child ) who found “siblings” and a great deal of success and happiness at JBS. The only type of parent I didn’t meet was the parent who sent their kid so they could relinquish all their parent duties.
My kids had day student parents and faculty who treated them like members of their own family and when I was on campus, they would always seek me out to share fun stories about my kids or recall a highlight from an athletic event that ( as a boarding parent ) I missed. The camaraderie and enthusiasm surrounding all the kids on campus was heartfelt, unique and very, very special - but most of all - the kids felt it every single day- like I did.
SS Placement : My focus is always on the journey and not the destination so SS placement was always secondary to the overall JBS experience - same with SS and college placement- which was almost an afterthought. Yes, a JBS Placement Office is a great perk for families and it’s tailored to the student ( so you’re not blindly throwing darts at SS admissions) and it’s always collaborative , but when it came down to it - I felt that the exposure my kids had to potential schools on the water or athletic fields coupled with the two Classes of kids ( JBS parent/ kid network ) that came before us was even more valuable to us when we needed to gauge elusive things like culture at certain SSs.
Nothing like a dedicated JBS PO and unvarnished SS scoop from former JBS kids/ parents living the dream or the nightmare, but that’s not why kids go to JBS - it’s so much more and you’re just going to have to find out for yourself or trust me on this one. 
All the best and good luck.
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Lord @PhotographerMom do I love that post!
Though our perspective if far more limited (last 2+ years) I would echo your thoughts and could replace JBS with LPS. We moved our kids from the public middle school here to a LPS. All sorts of community handwringing ensued. Kids never looked back. Off to PA next year. Best thing we ever did.