Possible to read and critique my essay?

[THE_HAIRY_LEMON]

<p>I wrote an essay for the UC prompt #1 essay. </p>

<p>

Prompt #1 (freshman applicants)</p>

<p>Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

</p>

<p>anybody willing to read my essay? (via pm or email)?</p>

<p>thank you.</p>

[THE_HAIRY_LEMON]

<p>this is sad.</p>

<p>i feel like a reject here.</p>

[lilaznstar235]

<p>ill read it. PM it over =)</p>

[THE_HAIRY_LEMON]

<p>ok.</p>

<p>ill post it here:</p>

<p>

My tiny hometown is known for an abundance of dirt, winds and tumbleweeds. With each passing year, I have begun to consider that my hometown is an extremely dull and unwelcoming place. The desire to leave burns within me, and I find it surprising to realize how my views of my town changed in a few short years.
In my early childhood, I recall viewing Phelan as a perfect place to grow up. The people were close-knit, running space for the youthful soul was in abundance, and the community was located only a few miles from Mt. High, a popular ski resort. The community was placid; a visitor would assume the town was relatively crime-free. Phelan was a perfect place to spend my childhood . . .
. . . Or was it? As puberty hit and I matured through school, my warm view of my town gradually thawed to reality. I steadily realized the people were apathetic to significant worldly issues. I found it discouraging that the majority of my friends and even grown-ups were only interested in gossip. It was sad to realize I was part of a minority who appreciated knowing the real worldly issues that exist beyond our parameters. My town is a tiny pocket of old-fashioned conservatism. People here are very conservative, and I find it irksome to meet people who make political decisions based on their religious values or prejudices rather than basing their ideologies on objective logic or listening to the opposing side’s arguments. The lack of diversity in Phelan was humbling: the majority of the town was made up of Caucasians, and the range of activities in Phelan is extremely limiting. There was difficulty in meeting new people with contrasting backgrounds, and the majority of the community was only interested in football, parties, Mt. High, and the production/”consumption” of Cannabis. Very rarely did I meet a person in-town who was as uniquely-engaging in their activities as I was. I grew up in my own accord
The dull population in Phelan led me to be a unique and vivacious figure to my loved ones-many revealed to me how much I impacted their lives. I knew I was a black sheep in Phelan, especially when Proposition 8 rolled around: I was against the proposition, reasoning that denying the right for gays to marry would be historically synonymous to the days where African-Americans were denied the right to vote. The level of curiosity I exhibited to the world events around me would have made Curious George proud. People often commented how extremely easy-going I was to every person I met.
Ironically, the dull, unwelcoming, and theological town inspired me to be a creative, friendly, fun-loving person, who saw the world in an objective and logical point of view. Conformity bores me; diversity excites me. Surprisingly, living in Phelan subtly shaped my aspirations to lead a lively life and commit to an engaging occupation. Whether it be pursuing journalism or drafting creations, I am forever thankful for the path Phelan has led me to.

</p>

[THE_HAIRY_LEMON]

<p>you cc’ers have been, again, SOOOO wonderful in helping out other people in need.</p>

<p>wow. very rarely do people care about each other. </p>

<p>i submitted my app anyways, so bye bye.</p>