I agree with the line of thought that pictures and information posted should be in line with what the person wants shared, and err on the side of less if one can’t get express permission. What still gets me most about the day my mom passed (besides the obvious) was having to immediately make phone calls to estranged/difficult people who still deserved to have the news in person, in order to “beat” Facebook.
While I don’t know if this is a cultural example, several cultures treat death much differently and matter-of-factly than how most of us here in the U.S. experience it. They are much more open in talking about it; it is not considered taboo. So someone in one of those cultures (who, yes, might be living here) might not see a problem with something like this (not sure if this is true for the OP’s friend). For the most part, my experience in working with death and dying, most people are just not comfortable at all talking about these issues. I couldn’t believe the number of people I worked with who could not say the word died, dying or death. It was always, ‘passed’, ‘passing’, or is gone. It can be a way of protecting ourselves from the harsh reality that death is, by not using certain words. I’m not judging anyone who uses those words, because I also learned that how people deal with death and dying varies so greatly that no one should really judge anyone for how they cope with this difficult experience. So it doesn’t surprise me that someone would feel comfortable posting something like that on their Facebook, and I have no way of knowing what motivated them to do so, so I won’t judge. That all being said, if someone who is terminally ill has made it very clear that they are not comfortable with this stuff being put out on social media, then the family should honor it. I know it’s difficult for some people to understand, but there are people out there who would not mind that their loved ones are being so open about the death and dying process - it’s just been a part of their culture forever. I do think for the most part, though, we sanitize death and dying, sometimes making it very difficult for people to truly embrace reality and be able to grieve to their fullest.
I just saw a post that a young woman I know posted. It showed her gravely ill uncle who was in the hospital, with her and her two young children smiling at the camera. He looked miserable. It was awful and seemed very selfish.
I only use Facebook to read postings on a medical condition I have and have found the information and support from the group very helpful. Other than that, I have no interest at all in it and the situation described by the OP are a reminder of why I avoid it.
There is no “cultural” reason that I can think of in this instance. This is an upper middle class white woman. I think , or at least hope, that posting pictures of gravely ill people in the hospital is not typical. I don’t want to see pictures of Uncle Johnny in the casket either.
Of course this thread was going to devolve into “I’m too good for FB,” lol.
I did post a picture of my H on a hospital bed a few years ago - but in the pic he is hale and hearty, seated upright with a smile on his face, and this was pre-op! He was undergoing surgery and my caption was to the effect that he was on the other side of the operating table for a change (as he is a doctor). I agree that I wouldn’t want to post a picture of an ill person without their permission. I tended to my mother when she had a knee replacement and I did post from the hospital, but sheesh, no pictures. Why would you post a photo of a loved one that is unflattering??
" I just saw a post that a young woman I know posted. It showed her gravely ill uncle who was in the hospital, with her and her two young children smiling at the camera. He looked miserable. It was awful and seemed very selfish. "
While they were never made public , my husband and his family have taken pictures with their then dying grandmother. She spent her last years in nursing home setting. I can’t help but feel she would have been upset to be photographed in that condition.
They do come from a different culture, so maybe that contributes to it.
I am surprised that someone in the medical field (NP in original post) would violate privacy like that. Then again, I see people who on blogs discuss patients (these are not medical blogs), and sometimes even photos. So inappropriate.
FB and social media create weird social dilemmas, that is for sure. It’s one reason why I don’t like it, though I am back on it. 
At times it is uncharted territory with social etiquette. It does seem wise to err on the side of less sharing if you don’t know the person’s wishes, though some people do mean well.
It’s just hard to imagine, when I was growing up, widely sharing photos of someone when they are ill or in the hospital.
Some memories are just better “lived” in your mind, not in a photo - hard copy or otherwise!
My parents’ generation didn’t discuss illnesses and wouldn’t have appreciated having their pictures taken when they weren’t well. They certainly wouldn’t have expected anyone to post them on a social media page. I wonder how the people who do that would react if someone posted pictures of them in labor or suffering from an illness like the flu. Some people just don’t have a filter, so maybe they wouldn’t care.
I recently created posters for a wake and spent many hours over several days choosing family photos that showed everyone in a way I thought they’d like to be remembered. Yes, great-grandma lived to be over 100 and needed supplemental oxygen at the end. But there were photos with the great-grandchildren (taken when she was in her mid-90’s) where the children were put in position then grandma removed her oxygen hose for the instant it took to snap the photo. Nobody took a photo of her wearing the oxygen hose because that’s not how she wanted to be remembered. If a person can no longer express their wishes, the family should take that as a ‘no’ and not share those types of photos.
I thought of one reason I see these pictures on Facebook-people are asking for prayers for the sick person. While I’m happy to do so, it doesn’t make my prayers any more efficacious if there is a gruesome picture with it.
“I wonder how the people who do that would react if someone posted pictures of them in labor or suffering from an illness like the flu.”
Ha - when it comes to labor and delivery, there are definitely no holds barred for some people! Yuck! Didn’t even really want to see it when it was my own so I certainly don’t want to see yours!!
Maybe we need to be talking to our younger family members about all of this while we still can. Facebook is not going away and we’re not getting any younger!
My immediate family members have a horrifying (to me) tendency to take death shots of a loved one that has passed. I have been shown pics of three family members, and I strongly suspect that there are also pictures of my mom, but my sister hasn’t shown them to me. As it is, my dad wanted to know if I wanted a locket with my mom’s ashes. Sorry, folks, this is just a visceral, massive NO to me. He didn’t understand that.
I also know that my dad would want certain religious rites performed in my last hours (I grew up Catholic and converted to Judaism over three decades ago) and would not hesitate to sprinkle me with Lourdes water, ask to include a rosary in my casket, etc. DH and my sons have already been instructed on my very clear and adamant wishes on that front (and I am not often adamant or insistent).
Thankfully, DH is of a similar mind to mine on this stuff. And there were no pictures of me on life support. There were a couple of DH and the guys in my ICU room, but none of me. Probably helps that none of my family members live nearby. The only pics of me in the hospital were when my dog came to see me in acute rehab and I took pics of her curled up at my feet.
Goodness, if I take a picture at lunch with a girlfriend, we both make sure it’s “FB worthy” and makes us look good before posting it!
I can see taking a picture with the ill loved one - for private consumption, though. Or for other family members to get a sense of how the person looks. Not for the general public though. Let people have dignity.