<p>The mafia really isnt that common on the west coast, but there are african american gangs, hispanic gangs, asian gangs…
But teens depend on their parents to draw a line and hold it, in my experience.
When parents dont do so, the teen will often keep pushing until they do.</p>
<ol>
<li>Pot is not a big deal. Hanging out with losers or troubled kids who use pot can be. That is the main issue: problem kids cause problems and they tend to draw other kids into those. Most kids are just looking for friends, to feel comfortable, etc. They can be influenced into bad choices. </li>
</ol>
<p>2 To be clear, huge numbers of successful people use pot. Scientists, engineers (particularly of software, as opposed to civil), etc. </p>
<ol>
<li>Overuse of anything is a sign. A drink is fine. We have no problem sharing a bit of alcohol with our kids when underage, but not all the time, not every night, not in quantity. When someone uses pot every day, that is dependency. That says something bad. Maybe the kid with the problem will grow out of it, maybe not. The issue is how you explain and work with your kid so he understands and learns how to control or avoid. BTW, I would say the same thing if the other kid ate a dozen doughnuts every day or drank 2 liters of soda; dependencies and addictions are not good things. I would also say the same thing if the other kid worked out every day lifting and lifting and lifting; as a gym rat of sorts myself, I know that some gym behaviors are not only unhealthy but mask deeper issues.</li>
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<p>So to summarize, pot is not bad and many intelligent people would argue it is significantly better than alcohol - not a depressant, doesn’t cause aggression, doesn’t impair motor skills as much (in relative amounts), etc. But any overuse is bad. And people who have issue draw others into their problems. And that’s the thing you need to deal with, not the pot but the fact this other kid has issues your kid needs to see so he can keep the appropriate distance. Your kid doesn’t want to be drawn into making bad decisions and maybe you can help him understand how this works.</p>
<p>How much is too much? I think it depends on what state you live in. To me it’s not a huge deal, but my attitude about it as a parent and my message to my kids has to align with the law where the kid is smoking. Unfortunate these day the kids can see right through the political state/federal/local discombobulation. I’m pretty much on record as saying in general that “pot” is “safer” than alcohol on so many levels. I’d rather have a kid smoking a joint everyday than a kid finishing a fifth of vodka each week.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Is it CA? My friend’s underage son smokes pot regularly, and according to her, he gets it from pot shops with a fake medical marijuana “card,” which I guess are relatively easy to obtain.</p>
<p>I am not opposed to pot use per se, but I am opposed to allowing one’s children engage in illegal activity, and putting my family at risk if he drives under the influence. Sober teenage drivers are bad enough.</p>
<p>It’s not California, either. I hadn’t thought about driving under the influence. I don’t think his parents have either.</p>
<p>Because smoking pot is prevalent among some groups of young people, they discount the fact that it is illegal.</p>
<p>My nephew is polite, clean cut and a good student at a good university. He started off buying enough pot for himself and moved to purchasing larger quanitities to resell to friends. It may have been luck of the draw, but he was arrested on felony charges. </p>
<p>He is now just hoping to charges will be reduced to a misdemeanor and he will not have to serve time. His lawyer only gives this scenario a 50:50 chance.</p>
<p>On the academic side, if the univerisity is generous, he is looking at 2 - 4 semester suspension.</p>
<p>Not a pretty picture for a basically good kid who just didn’t understand the big deal everyone made about smoking pot.</p>
<p>THis is a good point marlene. This particular kid doesn’t see it as a big deal because his parents have been known to smoke with him. Although not to the extent that the son does.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Including presidents of the United States. ;)</p>
<p>As someone who is very familiar with drugs (unfortunately), it would surprise me if that is all they do. There are some many drugs out there that are legal, relatively inexpensive and easy to get that I would suspect that many kids today are doing things that their parents are totally unaware of.</p>
<p>zoosermom:</p>
<p>I’d be concerned about all of the points you raised. </p>
<p>Smoking anything, including pot, especially unfiltered substances of unknown origin, isn’t healthful. </p>
<p>Engaging in illegal activity is obviously not a good idea regardless of whether one thinks it s/b legal or not.</p>
<p>Interfacing with and dealing with criminals, especially on a regular basis, isn’t a good idea. The drug dealers are criminals. They’re dealing with a lot of money and will use means to protect that value. They’re already performing illegal activities. I doubt one needs to go many dealing levels above this anchor kid to get to someone who carries a knife and/or gun. It’s not a good idea to interact with people who have illegal guns to protect their illegal activities.</p>
<p>If they were able to think beyond themselves they might consider the lack of ‘peace and love’ their indulgences foster - people are being killed left and right in Mexico and elsewhere in the drug trade of which they’re customers. Do they not care about this (I know - they’ve never thought of it and don’t consider themselves responsible at all)?</p>
<p>There’s a good chance that the regular pot smokers are doing other drugs as well. </p>
<p>The parents of the anchor kid are idiots and deserve whatever legal costs and trouble they have ahead of them. They need to get a clue and a reality check.</p>
<p>
If Zooser’s info is accurate, I agree 100%</p>
<p>Another point. Back in the 70s pot was a LOT less potent than it is now. And for a lot of adults who used pot back then that is what they think is on the drug market today. So they say “no big deal, it never hurt me”. But it can be a very big deal today especially for a teen who is a frequent user.</p>
<p>“Interfacing with and dealing with criminals, especially on a regular basis, isn’t a good idea. The drug dealers are criminals. They’re dealing with a lot of money and will use means to protect that value. They’re already performing illegal activities. I doubt one needs to go many dealing levels above this anchor kid to get to someone who carries a knife and/or gun. It’s not a good idea to interact with people who have illegal guns to protect their illegal activities.”</p>
<p>This is the common view of drug dealers. There are many dealers (manufacturers) who are not breaking the laws, have skirted the laws, do not carry guns and selling online drugs marketed as chemicals that can be fatal.</p>
<p>Gouf, that’s exactly what the parents say. They came of age in the early 70s and have never really joined the millennium. THey mean well and have two older kids who never were more than recreational users/drinkers and who are successful college students and graduates. The parents are older now and maybe more tired. Who knows? My husband was close with this cousin when they were growing up and that’s why I am close with the wife. I really pray for them because I don’t like the sound of all this. But I really did need a sense of perspective in terms of my own son should he ever need intervention.</p>
<p>“I bought a drug test kit for $30 at Walgreens. It sits on my dining room table. I can use it whenever I choose , well… ask my kids to use it… and they pay for the next kit.
They fail, they lose car keys. I have good kids but they are normal teens…”</p>
<p>You’re kidding yourself if you think this is going to catch a lot of stuff that kids are doing today.</p>
<p>
I’m not sure I get your point or what one has to do with the other. </p>
<p>What I’m saying is that dealing pot is illegal. Usually the user gets it from an illegal dealer who usually gets it from a larger illegal dealer, etc. up a pipeline and within this pipeline can be some serious criminals since a lot of money is involved. There are exceptions if someone produces their own and has control over the entire process but this often isn’t the case.</p>
<p>Lots of good advice here. I would be very concerned, for all the reasons raised here. But I don’t see what you can do other than pray! Who asked your daughter to speak to the boy? </p>
<p>As far as I know, none of my friends, relatives, neighbors, or colleagues smoke pot. I would take a very hard line on it with a teenager. Once they’re adults they can make their own choices. Our job as parents is to do our best to keep them from illegal and dangerous activities.</p>
<p>My concerns* as that child’s parent <a href=“not%20sure%20if%20they%20should%20be%20%5BI%5Dyour%20%5B/I%5Dconcerns”>/I</a> would be:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Smoking pot every day, drinking every day, taking a pill every day…anything that alters your mind every day is something to look closely at, in a teen especially. Why is the daily escape necessary?</p></li>
<li><p>Depending on the state, it doesn’t matter if he charges for the pot or not, having more than a certain amount can be a very serious legal matter. The friends also sound like they’d throw the kid under the bus immediately if anything bad-legal happened. That could include plea deals in exchange for saying he supplied all the pot, etc. </p></li>
<li><p>A pot arrest can screw up financial aid, future career, etc. This may change, in fact I hope it does, but for now, it’s a reality.</p></li>
<li><p>He could be getting it from perfectly nice people with a garden, growing it himself, or going to totally dangerous criminals, it could be any of those or anything in between.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>The main point that I’m trying to make is that the laws do not protect your kids from using dangerous substances. Some of the most dangerous things out there are not covered by any laws because the drug manufacturers can chemically alter them so quickly that the laws cannot keep up. These drug manufacturers are not being closed down. They’re not carrying guns. They’re independent operators and make huge profits. They don’t operate under any cartel and they may even be living in the house next door to you. They produce drugs that are deadly which I know from personal experience.</p>
<p>Walgreen’s $30 kits do not detect these. Your kids may be using these and all kinds of other stuff that schools are unaware of or turn a blind eye to. Schools are ignorant as to how some of these drugs are passed around in classrooms.</p>
<p>As Doc says - drug testing kits mostly catch marijuana because it stays in your system (fat cells if I am not mistaken) for a good period of time. Many more dangerous drugs aren’t detected or pass out of the system quickly and are thus not detected.</p>