<p>“I got no support from the administration and no positive response from the parents–just the admonishment to mind my own business. (One of the reasons I gave up teaching.)”</p>
<p>Exactly the reason my youngest became cynical at the tender age of 15 at his private hs. He saw the handwriting on the wall- it was more about who your parents were rather than who you were as a student. Hard work? Smarts? Talent? No correlation between those things and your popularity with admins. </p>
<p>He’s already said he will never give one red cent back to that school no matter how successful or rich he becomes. Isn’t that sad?</p>
<p>Doubleplay, that is such a terrible lesson for your son to learn at such a young age. Hell, I just learned it last year about my son’s other school, and I’m 51! (He’s a bit obtuse, and isn’t sophisticated enough to be jaded quite yet). Now that he’s in a new school we’re still getting solicitations from the old one for $$. I wrote them and told them to take us off of their development lists. S did say that he’d never go to a Reunion, that’s for sure. It was all about who your family was over there. Disillusioning for H and me. No one should be entitled to a pass.</p>
<p>It isn’t like this at all private schools. The one my daughter attended expelled four (that I know of) from her class of 75 students. One was expelled midway through her sophomore year for smoking in her room. This happened despite the fact that her parents were major contributors to the school. One was expelled after several drug infractions and escalating disciplinary actions. The final two that I know of were expelled in their senior year when found snorting cocaine. I also remember a bunch that were brought back to campus by the police freshman year after the were discovered drunk and disorderly dowtown. The entire group was put on probation with the school and many did not last the year. I know the school didn’t stop it all, but they were very serious about consequences for the students who were found to be using drugs and or alchohol.</p>
<p>Oh, the ubiquitous “bringing drugs onto campus” problem. We had some students who brought pot-laced food into the cafeteria one day and passed it out in celebration of some student’s birthday. They were caught, and allowed to “resign” from the school. The info could not have been put into their records because they went to public schools and in our area, if you bring/consume illegal drugs on campus you have to go to some kind of abeyance school. One student had a scholarship to college in hand, and she was tutored under the table by the school’s staff so she could still matriculate.</p>
<p>The farther out from our hs I get, and the more reading I do about the way things “should” have been, the madder I get.</p>
<p>Saying to him ‘you reek of pot’ seems like a good idea. He may not be aware that he reeks.</p>
<p>I remember from the 70s that lots of kids I knew would get high all day long and still had good grades. (not all, but lots) That always amazed me, but it was true.</p>
<p>Doesn’t there come a point, though, where you have to say you’ve put your kid in the best available environment you know of, teach him personally the power of making good choices, and stay in dialogue with him? I understand your deep concern and frustration, but perhaps you’re extra-aware because of recent experiences from the other school. I think you chose wisely, actually, since being new in an environment limits what you can do. Best wishes to your son, and I hope the reeker was unusual.</p>
<p>At my friend’s high school, their valedictorian was an anti social cheater, and the salutatorian (sp?) was a popular dude who didn’t cheat. During the awards chapel (with no prompting from the salut), all his friends started chanting “YOU CANT BEAT THE CHEAT” when the valedictorian was given his award. They all got called to the office and scolded. They all complained that their friend was getting gypped, but the school wouldn’t investigate it.</p>
<p>So at graduation, the salutatorian gets up to do his speech. He gives the speech preceding the valedictorian. It starts off innocent enough, but then he flat out calls out the valedictorian for cheating. He says that honor and integrity are more important than temporarily finishing on top, and that in the end, integrity is noticed and dishonesty catches up with you. He gave a charge to the class to act with integrity when they went to college and later landed a job. The crowd, and especially the kid’s peers, go nuts and give him a standing ovation.</p>
<p>Then the poor valedictorian has to follow that up. He reads his prepared speech with no hiccups, and gets a few claps.</p>
<p>I wish I could have been there. My school’s headmaster attended, and said it was the most intense and awkward ceremony he’d ever been to.</p>
<p>Also, while I dont think that coming to school stoned is a good idea, I think there are much bigger problems in schools than drugs and alcohol. I went to a private school, and they expelled people for drinking/doing pot ON THE WEEKENDS.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, being a bully was usually worth a 1 day suspension max, and the victim would get the same punishment if they retailed.</p>
<p>In my experience at a rich private school, most of the people who experimented with alcohol and pot were extremely amicable indiviuals and very respectful of their peers. I didnt go smoke pot with them, but they were usually good for a friendly conversation during the passing period.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, the kids of the church clergy were all sober and very involved with the church, but a decent chunk of them were the most insufferable, mean people in the school.</p>
<p>Sorry that was your perception. Was it fair to expect them to behave in some kind of exemplary manner, just because of what their folks do for a living? I mean, even the dentist’s kid has cavities sometimes.</p>
<p>No, my expectation was just that they act the same as everybody else, no better.</p>
<p>The problem was that most of them knew they could get away with murder thanks to their parents’ influence, so they all bullied, lied, cheated, etc. Meanwhile, the potheads rarely did anything that would have negative repercussions for anyone else.</p>
<p>I’m a big fan of authority using its resources to prosecute crimes that have victims, and ignore “crimes” that have no victims, from the United States government all the way down to the local high school.</p>
<p>I agree with Vyse (and am refreshed to hear his/her sentiment in this forum, where it seems to be a very uncommon viewpoint).</p>
<p>There were plenty of potheads at my middle and high school, and a handful of kids who did other drugs as well. With rare exception, they caused no harm to anyone except possibly themselves. Some of them were outstanding students. Of course, if they were caught with pot they would have been screwed, as there was a zero tolerance policy about drugs.</p>
<p>The bullies, on the other hand, they caused harm to people. The [varsity sport] team kids who physically hazed their freshmen caused harm to people. The middle school boys who sexually harassed girls, and believe me this was VERY common - smacking them on the butt as they went by, groping them, twisting their arms behind their backs to stop them from moving while making lewd comments at them - they did harm, and the school’s “attempt” to stop them was to put restrictions on what the girls could wear (and if you think this was a problem exclusive to my school, read the '90s AAUW study on the topic).</p>
<p>Then take the less violent or damaging things that still have a pernicious effect on school environment, that go on at schools all over the country - cheaters, special privileges for varsity athletes of big-name sports, school buildings in poor physical shape that top 90 degrees in the late spring because the air conditioner is broken or non-existent, burned-out teachers…</p>
<p>I just don’t consider pot anywhere near the top of the list as far as problems facing schools and schoolkids. It barely registers as far as I’m concerned. And, unlike pretty much everything else I’ve mentioned in this comment, it’s nobody’s business except the person in question, their parents if they’re a minor, and possibly their doctor.</p>
<p>I agree from personal experience that the bullying business is pernicious, and the pot/boozing isn’t. I’m not worried that this stoned boy is going to unduly influence my kids. They know where we stand on substance abuse, and if they screw up there will be major consequences. My concern was for the kid, actually. It just doesn’t seem normal to me to need to check out of reality right after a.m. coffee.</p>
<p>I heard about the pot incident at Northeastern, too. Yelling out the window “We’re selling pot up here” doesn’t seem like the smartest thing to do, especially when there are narcs on campus!</p>