Practical tips for dealing with a bad work situation

Parent Cafe
1

I work for a small company and have a boss who makes my life miserable.

For those who have been in this situation, do you have any practical survival tips?

Dealing with him upsets and infuriates me, and I have to find some way to not get so upset and infuriated.

There is not much to be gained by going into the specifics (since I can’t change his personality or his micromanagement working style), but basically he creates obstacles to getting any kind of work done by inserting himself into every task and having to have the last word on everything.

2

I had a boss who bullied me for a year. Keep every email, and have dates and detail everything your boss says and does. HR had to get involved and after a year, I was pulled out from under her.

3

Never ever be insubordinate. He or she is looking to make you do that.

4

Have you searched for a new job?

5

This is a small company, so HR is no help and there is no chance of reporting to someone else.

“Never ever be insubordinate” is not the kind of advice I am looking for. I am looking for how to become more Zen in a situation in which one needs to anticipate that an encounter with the boss will be unpleasant.

And yes, I have searched for a new job. Given my age, that brings its own set of frustrations. I’ve been taking the approach - “find a new job and that will take care of the problem!” Now I am wondering if it will be impossible to find a new job, in which case I need to come to terms with the job I have now.

6

This is not your real life.

When I was in a very tough situation – boss who harassed me, boss who insulted me, boss who looked for every opportunity to criticize my work and my person – that’s what I kept telling myself. “This is not my real life.”

It reminded me that the boss’s behavior didn’t define who I am, that she was the crazy one, that I had a family and friends who loved me, and that this was only a job. It truly helped me. I was able to stick it out until she did something so horrific that I was able to leave with severance and my bonus. In a small company you might not get those goodies, but if you need to stick it out for a while, this mantra may help you.

It’s not your real life.

7

fendrock - is this a new situation? Can you give an example as to what he does that’s infuriating to you.
I am at a fairly new job (8 months old), and I am find my boss’ style of management not to my liking. He would make decisions on my behalf without consulting me, so sometimes when people do not like my decisions they would go to him hoping for a different decision. There were few times when he had to retract his decisions after he got more information from me. I try to feed him with more information in anticipation of other people going to him behind my back, and he does consult me from time to time now. In my case, it is work in progress. I try not to take it personally when he makes decisions without me (he does it to my other colleagues too). I see it more about him than about me. But somedays, I still have steam coming out of my ears.

8

I had a boss who was difficult in a different way, and the only solution that actually worked was getting a different job. It took a year, but I finally found one – at 56. My boss in my current job is entirely, wonderfully sane. I hope to stay in the job until I retire.

As in your situation, HR would not have been of any help because the company was too small. There was no HR – just an executive who performed the minimally necessary HR functions on top of other things.

“This is not your real life” is a good mantra but “This is just for now” might be even better.

9

Job situations like this are hard and people don’t necessarily make it better when they say “its just a job” (and I am not referring to any of the posts in this thread as of the time I write this, talking in general). The problem is we spend a lot of time each week at work, and despite being told it doesn’t matter, it isn’t who we are, to a certain extent it is, because unless you have some mindless job in a bureaucracy where you just exist, most people care about what they are doing and take pride in it.

I face something of a similar dilemma myself, there is a sea change at work and I am not sure which way it is going, if it is just a shift in how things are done or if it is shifting deliberately to make me redundant. For a lot of reasons, it would be hard to leave this job at the moment, with a kid still in college (and prob grad school), and with the finances I have, it is hard…and I am probably in your age range, which makes it complicated.

When dealing with a boss like that, it is hard, micromanaging and making decisions for you can make you feel like you don’t matter or have no input (I just had that happen to me, basically someone was hired for a position underneath myself that I had no right to veto it). It hits right at the core of what you are doing, and that really, really hurts. What I try to do (not always successfully) is realize that is on those who do this, that the micromanager likely is so unsure of himself as a manager that he has to do the work of his underlings to make sure it is done right. All you can do is suggest things, and if he chooses to do something else, try and accept the fact that you can’t change it. Try and take the attitude that if he gets in your face, or pushes over you, that it isn’t about yourself, it is about him.

The other thing I recommend (and yeah, this is the pot calling the kettle black, believe me) is to do what you can to make it easier at work by balancing it with your life outside. If your job is the kind of thing that dominates your life, you check e-mails at home, work at home, work late, try and cut back from that (hey, if the guy is going to make all the decisions, then why try and make his life easier?)…more importantly, try to find things in your life that affirm who you are. Maybe a volunteer activity where your skills or work will be appreciated, maybe in taking back a social life work took away from you, if you enrich the life outside your work, that can help (and keep in mind I am not offering this sage advice as some guru at this zen place, I am offering these as things I am trying to do [and not always succeeding!].

The other thing is try and see if there are other jobs out there, it can/will take time, but even the act of looking can give hope. It may not be easy, but given that hope it may make life easier for now. If you start looking now and working on it, you have the time to find something better that you like, rather than simply hanging your hat there.

I wish you well, I hope it works out for you.

10

Been there (years ago).

I get that you can not leave this situation right now so you need to take care of yourself. Eat well, exercise, etc. It really will make you better able to cope. In addition, try to enjoy your non- working hours. Plan fun social things with family and or friends. It helps to spend time with people who care for you and are not connected to your job. Try new things, maybe explore an interest or hobby.

Good luck. I hope you are able to get out of this situation soon.

11

Been there, suffered through that.

My solution was to keep my head down and put all my energy into finding a new job.

My husband has also dealt with it. His profession allowed him to switch to contracting work for about a year to get his emotional equilibrium back, and then he found a job and a company he likes.

In my case I could deal with the awfulness while looking for a new job, My husband is more sensitive to misery, and his solution worked well for him.

12

Sorry my advice wasn’t satisfactory to you. I think there is no zen state you can put yourself in that will will make unpleasantness bounce off where it doesn’t effect you. The best you can do is to have a plan in the works and be proactive in getting away…find a new job. That will give you a sense of control at least.

13

Hi fendrock!
Sorry you are going through this.
This may sound silly, but its hard to be upset when you are laughing. So, try to picture the boss with a piece of spinach stuck between his teeth, or a hayseed sticking out of his mouth, or something else that will make you laugh. It can help neutralize stress. Good luck!

14

I encounter this from time to time. Unless you’re heavily invested in the outcome, I recommend “go along to get along”. If doing “A” is clearly best but boss wants “B”, go ahead and do “B”. Keep your documentation obviously so it doesn’t bounce back on you, “Hi Boss, just emailing to confirm that I’m doing B instead of A per your instructions”. Let your boss have the last word and let him insert himself into decisions, go ahead and seek him out even, if that’ll make him happy.

This is all predicated on the fact that your boss’s boss won’t start thinking you’re and idiot and your work sucks, of course. But that’s why you keep documentation. Essentially yes, you are cultivating zen and saying “it’s just a job” because you’re letting go of doing things the way you think they should be done.

15

It is indeed important to remind oneself that “this is not your real life,” even though it is hard because of what @musicprnt explains so well:

I am trying to do many of the things suggested here, like focus on life outside work and “turn off” work thoughts.

I’ve been looking for another job for over a year. I’ve had a number of screening interviews and made it to in-person rounds at two companies.

So, realistically I can expect that it could take at least another year before I find a job and perhaps never.

I’m also being moved into a new role where I am working, which will make it harder to “tell a story” in terms of why I am qualified for the kinds of jobs for which I’ve been interviewing, and I will need at least a year in this new role to be considered qualified for jobs which are in the category of the new role.

I’ve always worked for small, unconventional, non-traditional companies, so I need to find a company that is willing to hire someone who is an outlier candidate.

I really appreciate the posts from those of you who’ve been in the same boat.

16

@fendrock:
Well, there is one piece of silver among the gloom, sounds like the new role might better prepare you to find another job, so look at that as something valuable. In some ways I am in the same position, and the kinds of things I will need to do with a sea change in management will give me good standing for a future job.

17

Ugh, I am so sorry. Been there - almost quit but I outlasted the $*#($ so that was my ultimate revenge.

Anyway, a couple things that helped:

  • Keep an "I Love Me" file, filled with nice notes from customers, any "attaboys" from anybody in the company, times when you exceeded your own expectations, etc. Whatever you think proves, in black and white, how valuable you are. It may or may not help you professionally, but it will certainly help you emotionally.
  • Do what they want, even if they are wrong. They are paying you, ultimately, to do what they tell you to do. They rarely pay you to think for yourself. Which brings me to ....
  • Probably the best piece of advice came from my husband, an engineer-turned-lawyer (so, logical times two). He told me, at my low point, that there comes a time in every job where you just have get mercenary about it. Forget about a higher calling, a profession, a career. Sometimes it comes down to providing time/service for a paycheck. When you go home, try to forget about it. You are not being paid to think about them unless you are on the clock. It was a really terrible time in my career (I have one of those "you are never truly not thinking about your job" callings) but it did help to realize that time is a commodity and they were paying me for 40 hours of it. And that's it.

I hope things get better, and you get out.

18

Ten years ago, I was working for a boss from hell. The company for which I had worked for over 20 years was downsizing and I knew I was on the list because she and I hadn’t hit it off when we had first met years earlier. It hadn’t ever been a problem until my supervisor was ousted and she was placed in charge of my office to prepare it to merge with hers. Her management style was slash and burn - scream at people in front of others, berate them, belittle them and stalk around like a banshee.

I had over 20 years in and didn’t want to leave, particularly since severance packages were being given to those who were fired against their will and nothing to those who just left. After about 4 months of working under her, I went on anti-depressants. It was the first time I had ever resorted to better living through chemistry. It helped me get that Zen state I needed to deal with being in her presence. I stopped crying in my car before going into the office every morning, stopped crying in my car before going home to my family and basically became able to function on a day to day basis. When I was finally let go, I weaned off the meds, found another job and have never had to use them again.

Last week, I ran into a former co-worker, who told me that SEVEN people have left my old office in the past 4 months alone. Someday, they will recognize what an evil entity that woman is or maybe they won’t. At this point, it’s not my problem anymore.

19

@bearcatfan, you are so right - “Forget about a higher calling, a profession, a career. Sometimes it comes down to providing time/service for a paycheck.”

Giving up on having a positive experience at work is so hard.

Working for a micromanager, it’s like death by a thousand cuts.

Life is short, I am getting older…

20

In the movie Office Space, the main character gets hypnotized into being in a happy Zen-like state at work and the hypnotist dies and leaves him like that. I think he goes back to work, all happy, and guts a fish on his desk. It’s a funny movie and maybe it could cheer you up a little if you don’t think it would push too many of the wrong buttons to watch a different, bad office.