Practice SAT Essay. Please grade?

<p>Prompt: Is it important to question the ideas and decisions of people in positions of authority? </p>

<p>Questioning the ideas and decisions of people in authority is crucial for changes to occur in a nation. Several examples from history show that questioning people of authority leads to changes for the better.</p>

<p>As demonstrated by the time period of the Vietnam War, 1965-1973, people that questioned authority led to profound changes. At the start of the Vietnam War, Americans supported President John F. Kennedy’s decision to help the South Vietnamese fight against Ho Chi Minh’s Vietcong. But, as the war progressed and both sides decimated each others’ armies, many Americans started protesting the war. Peace symbols and buttons started appearing on college campuses and students, the main protestors of the war, started holding marches and speeches to help stop the war. One example of this is in 1970, at Kent University, students were holding marches against the war. The university, called the police to stop the marches and the protest, but once the police came, they didn’t know how to stop such a huge crowd of protestors. The police had never dealt with anything this big, so they just remained dumbfounded. Amidst the hysteria, some student threw a rock at a police officer, and immediately after this action, shots were fired. At the end of the mass commotion, 10 students were dead and another 20 were injured. The protests held during the Vietnam War taught the police departments across the nation how to deal with mass and protests and prevent another incident like from happening. </p>

<p>Morever when Linda Brown, a 12 year old girl, and her parents challenged the laws set forth by the government regarding segregation in education, the Supreme Court’s decision completely changed the education system. Linda Brown and her sister were refused entry into a white school across their house, because they were black, and thus had to walk all the way across town to reach her school. Then in 1955, Linda Brown and her parents challenged the “separate but equal” doctrine set forth by the Plessy vs. Ferguson case, and took the matter to the Supreme Court. There, after considerable debate, the Supreme Court found the doctrine, set forth more than a hundred years ago, to be unconsitutional in education. This step taken by the Brown family changed education for the blacks, as they could now go to schools far better than their’s and thus change their lives for the better. </p>

<p>As seen by the Vietnam War protests and Linda Brown’s case, questioning the ideas and decisions of people is authority is crucial for change to occur. If people don’t question authority, then we become their puppets and live our lives like robots; accepting what we’re told to do without question. </p>

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<p>So please grade my essay, because i need feedback on how i am right now! (i suck as writing essays; english isnt my first language so my grammar might be weak and stuff. lol)
thanks guys! :)</p>

<p>bump bump
please someone tell me how my essay is! i want to improve from last time so this is crucial to my success!</p>

<p>bump. c’mon. anyone read my essay and give me feedback?</p>

<p>Good: Nice concise intro. Analysis in 2nd body paragraph, though you could add a sentence or two more. Conclusion, though you could extend the “had people not questioned authority” part.</p>

<p>Bad: 1st topic sentence, change “led” to “caused”.
Needs more analysis in body paragraphs. You lost focus on the prompt when you got the the Kent protest. To bring the focus back to your thesis, use analysis. state kent protest=people questiong authority=change for the better.
Only 2 examples. It’s easier with three and less random facts/details in the paragraphs and more analysis.</p>

<p>qualifications: 800 on writing section with 80mc and 12 essay in March '12. yep, I know what I’m doing ;)</p>

<p>how many points would this get me if i had written this on an actual sat test? like out of 12 what would you give it?</p>

<p>and dude damn. i got 620 because of 68 MC and 6 essay -___- lol hated the essay.</p>

<p>i need help with my essay too!! :[</p>

<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/1347194-could-someone-grade-my-essay-please.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/1347194-could-someone-grade-my-essay-please.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>also thanks for the feedback! i really appreciate the help. what i was trying to get to was that the police were taught how to deal with a huge amount of people in a protest. so thats why maybe it got confusing cuz i switched tracks. but still thanks! :slight_smile:
and also could you tell me what score this would get? im trying to get to about 8-10 from a measly little 6. so any other advice would be appreciated!</p>

<p>9 or10 /12. you’re in good shape</p>