<p>The same thing happened to my son before he left for Stanford, but he adjusted really quickly and once the semester started. I think living independently can really change someone; my son seemed much more mature in a matter of months.</p>
<p>Be supportive, and don’t worry! Some anxiety is natural for your daughter to experience, before she starts something new.</p>
<p>My S see-sawed between being unusually nice and absolutely insufferable the summer before he left for college. It’s normal. Hang in there.</p>
<p>“Push-pull” is a great description, OP. </p>
<p>“I’m excited!” “I’m terrified!”<br>
“I get to be on my own!” “I’ll be on my own!”<br>
“I can’t wait to get away from my parents!” “I’ll miss Mommy and Daddy!”
“College is a whole new world!” “My old world is comfortable and safe!”</p>
<p>Add to all of that: saying goodbye to friends, the stress of a major move, wondering if she’ll be able to cut it academically – AND no doubt picking up on your own strong conflicting emotions. It’s no wonder she’s a basket case. </p>
<p>Totally normal.</p>
<p>DS did the same thing. Angry, angry until he burst into huge sobs and talked about his fears. When he got the tears out of his system, he pulled himself together and went on to a great college career.</p>
<p>My D was having a rough week as it was getting closer to launch time last summer. I simply talked to her. I told her I remembered how I felt when it was almost time to leave. All my friends just talked about how excited they were, and I was really scared. I told her I felt really isolated because of how scared I was. The reality of new living conditions, no friends, etc. felt scary and I was sad too because I would miss people and places. It gave her the freedom to feel scared, to know it was normal, and to know that it would pass too. </p>
<p>It’s ok to be sad, scared, excited, nervous- all at once. It’s a huge life change. They are leaving the only life they’ve ever known. Just acknowledge that and see how she responds- and go with that.</p>
<p>I think this is totally normal - my daughter (an only) was very stressed out last summer with the anticipation of leaving home. She is a real homebody who never even had sleepovers at friend’s houses. The tide all turned a few days before move-in when I had a meltdown. I think once we all released it was stressful for the whole family then we all relaxed and move-in was wonderful and her freshman experience was perfect.</p>
<p>S1 was fine until two days before freshman move-in. His dad asked him to clear off the back porch and he threw the mother of all temper tantrums. I realized that it was more about leaving home in two days than the back porch - in fact, I was kind of glad he got it out of his system. He was fine after that.</p>
<p>I couldn’t wait to leave, and was already 20 years old when I did so I was a bit older. I held it together fine and didn’t even know I was stressed out until the night before move in day. I was up all night doing “last minute packing” and for some reason was determined to make homemade frosted sugar cookies for my new roommate, and sometime around 5am I spilled all the cookies on myself and got frosting all over my favorite pajamas-- meaning I would have to do ANOTHER load of laundry before I could go to sleep and rebake the cookies. I ended up sobbing hysterically until my mom woke up and helped me finish everything I “had” to do before I could leave. In hindsight I had gone COMPLETELY insane, and I had been “ready” to move out for three or four years already. It happens!</p>
<p>D seems edgy. She hasn’t melted down, but she is short with us. I have resisted the temptation to “talk” about it because earlier overtures were rebuffed. I did pick up the book, “The Naked Roommate” from the library. She looked at me and said “I won’t have time to read that!” I said “fine we’ll have it for three weeks and I’m going to read it”. She picked it up one day and finished it in less than a week. Every now and then she’d laugh and read us some excerpts form it. Good book actually. She said it didn’t make her feel any better but did give her some insight as to what CAN (as opposed to what will) occur and how to deal with situations. Author wrote another book called “The Happiest Kid on Campus” for the parents. It’s worth reading too.</p>
<p>OP, I’m surprised that there aren’t more threads like this one.
Very normal.
Both my kids were gone most of the summer before college working as residential camp counselors.
I wasn’t born yesterday.
( Both also planned for a gap year- good decision)</p>
<p>Thanks for the replies - I’m glad we’re not the only ones with this issue. I can totally relate to the shirts story. 
</p>
<p>Even though I grew up in the NE (and went to college there) she doesn’t believe I have any idea about “what kids wear”. Even though all I’m suggesting is that she purchase a heavy jacket and some socks.</p>
<p>I keep reminding myself how much we’re all going to miss her, and we’re trying to do fun things as a family that have nothing to do with college.</p>
<p>Re heavy clothes: most students begin the school year while the weather is still summerish so they can get a chance to see what they will need by talking to other students & just seeing for themselves what is more common on campus.</p>
<p>If you feel more at ease if you dress similarly, you wouldn’t want a The North Face fleece when * everyone* is wearing down from Patagonia.
Then again if you want to not lose your jacket amongst the piles of identical ones, you just might want to stick out.
It is totally OK to want to have clothing that reflects the campus style- especially jackets since they are worn so often. & IMO it is worth budgeting a little extra for that Patagonia down jacket if it will help them transition.</p>
<p>Fall qtr- freshman year has a steep learning curve.:eek:
Even more so than going from elementary school with one classroom teacher to middle school with six or seven, because you usually are changing schools with a cohort of friends, plus you still sleep in your own bed at night. Most of our kids may not share a room with anyone besides the family pet.
By Thanksgiving, most have made the transition & have settled in- so much so that the next year they may even ask to stay on campus especially if coming home means hours of waiting in airports for just a couple days at home.
Then again holidays may be their main opportunity to see their high school friends so don’t be taken aback if they come home only to sleep during breaks.
( or in my Ds case - only come home for me to take them shopping)
;)</p>
<p>
Good point, emeraldkity. When I was growing up, the only way kids had their own rooms was if they were the only child of their gender in the family (rare) or if they were an only child, period (even more rare.) Now, it’s rare for a kid to share a room with a sibling. My Ss are an exception, but their shared room is a large finished attic with a full bath and walk-in closet.</p>
<p>My kids worked every summer as counselors in training till they turned 18 & could be hired as staff, but that is not really like dorm life since @ camp you dont spend much time in your room.</p>
<p>Oldest had a single at college, but youngest moved off campus after freshman year so she could have more privacy.</p>
<p>This is all so normal. They are excited to leave but they are scared. They don’t really know what college will be like so this will be so different. They are worried about living with strangers and making friends, making wrong decisions, worried that they made the wrong college choice, worried that of all their friends leaving they are the only ones who made the wrong choices, worried they will be homesick, worried that they are the only ones who will be homesick in their dorm, worried that of all their high school friends they are the only ones who will be homesick, worried that if they are still involved with high school boyfriend or girlfriend and doing the distance relationship how that will work out and so on and so on and so on…</p>
<p>DS hasn’t had Meltdown but he was in what I would call a Shutdown. Meaning any talk of college made him vanish as quickly as possible. We just got back from orientation yesterday and today he seems more open to talking about it. We’ll see how long it lasts.:)</p>
<p>Interesting thing happened at orientation. At a parent presentation where current students were answering questions One lady asked if it would be too much to expect that her daughter would call her every day. Most the parents said YES! Then one of the current students (a guy) said he does call his parents every day. He just makes sure that he does it on the way to class during the week so he had a reason to get off the phone.</p>
<p>Our kids like talking en route to class as well. It gives them the knowledge that the call is of a short, limited duration. Open-ended calls tend to make them uncertain how long it will run. They’re often surprised when they call and can tell we are busy or out. (I guess they picture is home and pining without them around.)</p>