Private College Essay, Help please!!!!!

<p>Im currently writing my essays for private schools and I'm planning to major in engineering and I felt this event is good and fits well, please let me know what you think. I chose 2 essays but tell me which you think is more effective.</p>

<p>Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.</p>

<p>The thought of failure behind my head, the butterfly feeling in my stomach, I felt like I was making a mistake. I took AP Calculus BC rather than AP statistics. Heading in Calculus BC I felt a little intimidated and scared because I didn’t do all that good in Calculus AB. Its always been a goal to get my bachelors in engineering so I can work in the technology field but the grade I received in AB made me feel that I couldn’t handle the math.
I wanted to see if I was cut out for engineering, so I took BC. The first day of class I was discouraged, my teacher wrote integrals, derivatives, and formulas. Staring at the board I couldn’t recall anything, I totally forgot my basics of calculus. I felt my foundation wouldn’t even get me passed the first lesson. Five minutes before the bell rang, my teacher yelled out “Test on Friday”, a cold shiver went down my back and felt that butterfly feeling I hate.
I sat at home staring at my notebook and looking at the notes I copied down from today, I had no idea what they meant or what to do. I looked at my calendar and noticed its Thursday. I told myself “What should I do” and that’s when I remembered my memories of my curiosity of technology. In like a snap of finger I woke up and found this self-motivation that made me get my old Calculus AB notebook and review note by note. Overtime I started connecting the dots to what my teacher wrote. I spent hours trying to comprehend to the best of ability, knowing that this class is the next step that will get me closer to my goal.
Its Friday, I walk in to class and the butterflies are running wild in my stomach. I look at my notebook for one more quick view before he handed out the test. In matter of seconds all I hear is “Everything off the desks”. I put everything away and just sat there waiting for that white paper that was in my teacher’s hand. He set it face down on my desk; I had this feeling like my life was all on this test. The only words I heard next are “flip it over and start”.
I flip the test and to my surprise, I noticed it’s easy. Everything I been reviewing just came together and allowed me to solve every problem with no sign of the butterfly feeling. I was able to find limits, graphs, and derivatives. When I finished that last problem, I looked over my test and felt relaxed, it felt like twenty pounds just feel of my shoulder and that feeling of success felt amazing.
I returned on Monday back to class and my teacher was passing out the tests. He gave me my test face down and the butterfly feelings came back, I flipped the test over, the butterfly feeling vanished when I saw a five on the top right corner. Next Friday I got my next test and I got a five and the following Friday I got a four and next Friday I got a five. I have one of the highest grades in the class. It felt so good knowing that I proved myself wrong and that I stepped up to challenge because I feel even closer to my goal than ever.</p>

<p>It was quiet in the house. The only sound that broke the silence was the simultaneous clicking of the mouse as I fiddled with Microsoft Paint. Suddenly, my uncle barged abruptly in the room, yelling for silence. "I'm learning" I responded. I was only eleven so he didn't trust me with his computer, but some indefinable aura about it intrigued me. I wanted to comprehend the capabilities of the technology. I wanted to learn more, so kept sneaking in.
Growing up, I didn't have a father figure like most people; my father died when I was three, and my mother remarried. My mother worked downtown; my stepfather worked as a painter from dawn to dusk. The times were tough because they worked to pay bills, and didn't spend much time together, so we never really had an ideal family. At the same time I had my relatives. I grew very close to my outside family and always gave in with good grace and helped me develop as myself.
I had great ambition from the pressure of people around me. My elementary teachers believed in me. On the other hand, my stepfather also believed in me, but he was tough; he wanted to keep my feet on the ground rather than my head in the sky. My stepfather was never satisfied and always wanted more; he pushed me in school to get the grades by any means and demanded perfection in everything I did.
My stepfather had a strong character; overtime I would see it take a toll on me. Living with him created paranoia in me because of his reprimands leading me to become anti-social. It brought me down because I didn't want people to get involved in my personal life, that lead me not be involved in school. My stepfather and mother argued occasionally. I didn't tell anybody of the arguments and my mom's crying because I was scared of the consequences.
Tenth grade was a climax of my life, my mother became a victim of domestic violence, I wasn't there that day but I saw the results. He left causing economic problems for us. We lost our house, bills stacked up, and everything fell apart. School got harder because of my life home-life. I stressed about grades. I felt like dropping my AP classes and take the easy road to help at home, but that's when I realized that the only way I can truly help my family was by going to college and pursuing my dreams of majoring in the field of technology.
I never embraced the negative, I been raised to be a positive person from my family's grace. I found motivation in myself to push through. My stepfather gave me will to perfect anything I do. Seeing my mother struggle day after day was hard and being the oldest sibling, I felt like I took on the responsibility of my family.
My mother had gone through too much for me just to give up. Rather than let the negative break me down, it influenced me to push through and continue my interest in technology and hope that one day I can bring my family peace.</p>

<p>Never ever post your essay on the internet. It can be stolen and borrowed from which could make you end up looking like a possible plagerizer. The net is searchable and comments that you take from strangers and incorporate can make you look bad. You can't delete this post. Let it die by not replying. The common agreed procedure here is to ask for readers and PM it. There is a sub-forum just for that.</p>