How can wealthy parents inculcate the humility, appreciation, sensitivity, and empathy that make for true goodness under the surface? Is it even possible? Jessica Rising: The 5 Best Things About Raising Kids Poor
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jessica-rising/the-5-best-things-about-raising-kids-poor_b_7474248.html
Parlabane, I think about this, too. Unless actual needs go unmet, real empathy and appreciation can only be theoretical. I don’t care how much you talk to financially secure or well-off kids, it won’t fully compute. It needs to be said also that growing up in a state of genuine want does not necessarily confer admirable behaviors and visa versa. I know a man well who grew up dirt poor in an urban area and became extremely wealthy. He turned into one of the worst human beings I know, fixated on “me” and laughing at the idea of “we.” I think it’s great that boarding schools matriculate poor kids and give them a chance to exploit their gifts, but I can’t pretend to understand how difficult it must be for that child who has been in a state of need to suddenly be surrounded by other kids for whom such a state will never rise above a classroom discussion, a late night bull session, or an all expense paid service trip to a poor country.
And now I feel my child doesn’t belong. Again. Sigh.
When it comes to Privilege and Appreciation, wealth isn’t everything. Educated, concerned and devoted parents are just as much privilege. So our children still belong whether we are rich or not. And they need to learn privilege and appreciation whether we are rich or not.
I think its important to model empathy for others. When you talk with kids, point out all the challenges others have to face that they do not. This can be with kids around them, people they know, etc. In the other sections of this forum, kids/parents are talking about undeserving minorities ‘taking’ their ‘spot’. My parents always modeled admiration for what others had to overcome, that they were happy to be able to give me SAT tutors, but that so many kids couldn’t afford this or didn’t even get the luxury in life to think about the SATs. It was the best gift my parents gave me, because it gave me not just empathy, but appreciation and connection with other people.
Like many things in life, it’s all about humility. Everyone is carrying a burden. All of us have many things to be grateful for. All the rest is just decoration.
My wish for my children has always been that they lead charmed lives and truly appreciate it. 
Money isn’t the only thing we need to appreciate. Love, support, respect, hard-work, thoughtfulness, empathy… All of these are important. There are plenty of wealthy children who understand the importance of these things and plenty of poorer children who do not. Lead by example and hold high expectations.
I did not mean to suggest that one needs to be poor to feel empathy toward others. Each of us would like to see any number of characteristics develop in our children that we personally believe are important. When you send your kid to boarding school during those super-formative years, a lot of the analysis boils down to two things (at least it did for us): what skills will be acquired and what kind of person will they become. It’s that last piece that I cared about most. I wanted a school that would reinforce genuine empathy for the suffering of others AND encourage the desire and skills to relieve some of that pain. That’s not inculcated in classroom discussions so much as it is in the surrounding culture and values of the school. Appreciation is even trickier and evolves over time. I’m in my mid-50’s now and I am still painfully inept at slowing down and appreciating the many wonderful things in my life, most of which, it turns out, have little or nothing to do with money.
I think when parents consistently show respect to a wide range of people across various social, economic, racial, employment & cultural strata, children pick up on this. In a sense, it all comes down to how you treat the cashier in the grocery store (assuming you do your own shopping).
There are a lot of wonderful young people in boarding school, some coming from families of means and some not, but you’ll find plenty of overly spoiled, privileged kids as well - and their hangers on. It can be an interesting 4 year social navigation. In my experience, the old adage “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” carries a lot of truth.
The question is “How can wealthy parents inculcate the humility, appreciation, sensitivity, and empathy that make for true goodness under the surface? Is it even possible?”
To me the answer is simple, by practicing, modeling and teaching “humility, appreciation, sensitivity, and empathy” and striving to attain “true goodness under the surface” just the same as you teach your kids most everything else important. What do these qualities have to do with wealth? It is easy to rationalize one’s position by demonizing others as lacking in some way, shape or form, but to equate wealth with a lack of personal characteristics is really quite a stretch
The writer ends with the line “I’m a little tired of seeing only the bad side of being poor.” Which is as easly applicable to only reading about the bad side of being rich. It is much more about the commonality of being human.
Great post. I often follow the advice of Warren Buffett. He was a bit extreme with regards to transfer of wealth to his heirs, but a lot of what he preaches makes sense. Teaching my kids how to be humble and appreciative is indeed very important.
Warren Buffett once said: “Leave your children enough money to do anything, but don’t leave them enough to do nothing”.
I grew (and am growing) in a [broken] household where money was never a concern. I acknowledge it and I try to be as appreciative as possible. I was raised mostly by my mom who grew up in an immigrant household in a working class community and attended public school. My late father, however, grew up in a upper class community of ‘dry white toast’ as I like to call them, family members, and attended a top school in our area. Because I was raised predominantly by my mom, I wasn’t handed everything on a silver platter. Yes, I have been able to attend private schools my entire life, and I have also never had to worry about my family’s financial situation. I won’t go into my pathetic life sob story, but due to the circumstances I lived through from age 8-14, I will openly admit that I am a humble person. Yes, I live in a nice house in a nice area and my mom drives a nice car, but my mom raised me the way that she was raised to the best of her ability.
I think that depending on how a child is raised it impacts a child’s awareness of the ‘real world’ so to speak. I grew up in a not-so-ideal situation, and I try my hardest to view myself as a humble and appreciative person. I have met people who came from similar backgrounds that are spoiled to the core. I was spoiled as a child, and part of me believes that my mom tried to use tangible things to fill the void in our family. Honestly, it depends on the kid and the road can go down many, many paths.