<p>Spideygirl… I didnt want my first post to be mile long so I tried to give the readers digest version. My daughter was never the vistim of bullying that I am aware of and this was the first threat against my daughter but not the first threat by this student. Because of the user name we did not know for sure who it was so I had my D call her friends at the same time and asked if they knew who this person was. During those calls she was told by a few of her friends that they had also received these types of messages and didnt tell anyone. Two people were able to confirm the identity of the person and that is when we (I) reacted or perhaps as some have suggested over reacted and called the police. I did know the parents and the father himself was also known as a very pushy and domeneering person. If bullying has a zero tolerance in schools then it is also a zero tolerance in society because otherwise the minute these bullyies walk off the school property they do what ever they want. Sorry if I seem cold hearted and yes I do believe that everyone deserves a second chance when an honest mistake or imature mistake is made but threatening a persons physical or mental well being is not an honest mistake. I wont get into some of the details about this perp as I called him because that is irrelevant let alone to say his problems escalated seriously.</p>
<p>I think it is very difficult to answer a question like this without a lot more context. In thinking about my own D–if she received a text like this, my reaction would vary depending on several factors, including what I knew about the boy who sent it, whether this text was one of a whole serious of texts that my D had exchanged with the boy, etc. No matter what, it’s inappropriate, but the response might range from calling the police or advising D to tell the kid off.</p>
<p>I monitored my daughter’s phone because I don’t want her to texting in the middle of the night. It’s night for sleep. She knows that I am monitoring her phone. We did not get data plan, just plain texting which has picture function. She got it after she got good grades in 9th grade.</p>
<p>I am ok that my D is not scared to crying when she received these kind of messages. However, I am upset that she thinks it’s normal and ok and it’s just a bad joke. I don’t know the other two kids or their families. Frankly, I am also worried what my D may have texted them. She said that she did not send imappropriate messages, but I don’t know and I will not be surprised if she is lying.</p>
<p>Most of kids’ texting are nonsense. Just a bunch of junk messages. </p>
<p>I did delete both messages. I am willing to give both boys another chance. I did reply to the one with threaten texting. I warned him to stay away from my daughter and if it happens again, I will call the school and the police. I don’t know if this boy sent similar textings to other girls. Hopefully I put a stop to it.</p>
<p>sybbie, in my neck of the woods, schools tend to stay away from anything that does not happen on school property. Even in this case, which made national news, the school took no action, so the parents decided to get the police involved:
[Issaquah</a> girl, 12, sentenced for Facebook cyberbullying : The Issaquah Press – News, Sports, Classifieds and More in Issaquah, WA](<a href=“http://www.issaquahpress.com/2011/07/19/girl-12-sentenced-for-facebook-cyberbullying/]Issaquah”>http://www.issaquahpress.com/2011/07/19/girl-12-sentenced-for-facebook-cyberbullying/)
Another example: the infamous local HS football team fight did not lead to any school issued disciplinary actions, because it was determined that although HS teams were involved, it happened off the schools’ property during after school hours. And so on… YMMV.</p>
<p>op, if you are continuing to allow her the phone, it’s possible to fix the settings to block texts from these individuals. I don’t feel certain here that the message wasn’t just a “joke” and not a threat to your D. Kids say a lot of stupid things, especially online.</p>
<p>Sexting is not a school issue. In some states it is a criminal issue. In other states, such as NJ where a new law was just passed, kids found sexting are required to do education programming, but it is not criminalized. </p>
<p>I agree, most texting is just mindless chatter and mis-spelled words.</p>
<p>I’ve received similar texts/in person comments from some of my better friends. It’s their sense of humor. These kids are highly successful and now attend Brown, Cornell, and other top schools. It’s just a sort of humor that isn’t appreciated by much of society. George Carlin was pretty offensive too.</p>
<p>I would give your daughter this book: The Gift of Fear by Gavin deBecker. It’s about learning to recognize when someone “giving you the creeps” is actually dangerous–and listening to that inner voice. You should read it too.</p>
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I think the text that is being discussed here is over the line, and isn’t “funny” in any context. It is possible that the sender thought it was just humor, but he was mistaken and needs to learn better–at least. A visit from the police might take the laughs out of the situation in a hurry.</p>
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<p>This is an easy solution. In some plans, you can disable texting during certain hours. We just had a requirement that our daughter turn off her cell phone and place it on my bedside table when it was bedtime. She got to have it back in the mornings.</p>
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I admit that my associates cross the line with their jokes but I suppose that I’m used to it. The person to tell this kid that it wasn’t funny isn’t the police though-that response is more over the line than the original text. If the girl were to say “that’s not funny” that’d probably be sufficient, especially if her friends were to back her up and possibly shun the guy. There’s no need to harm this young man’s future by involving police or school officials, especially since we don’t know what the girl might have been texting him previously. Bringing in officials is an overreaching escalation of typical youth interaction. His parents don’t even need to know in my opinion. OP’s daughter should handle this herself by telling him that its not ok, that is of course assuming that she wants this to stop and it wasn’t just a typical sort of communication between them. If people overheard some of my friends talking to female friends of theirs, they’d make the wrong assumptions as well.</p>
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<p>Wow, I could not disagree more. His parents definitely need to know. I would CERTAINLY want to know if my son was making these kinds of texts. If it turns out the OP’s daughter was engaging in similar inappropriate texts, it’s STILL a good idea to contact the boy’s parents as this is information that the OP needs to know as well. Any teen texting threats of a sexually violent nature needs strong feedback about the potential consequences of this kind of communication. If this behavior continues, the reactions of this kid’s parents will be the LEAST of his concerns-better to let the parents nip this in the bud than face worse consequences down the road.</p>
<p>Like I said, my friends send me these sorts of texts and go on to lead productive, crime free, and successful lives. How would his life or mine be improved if I whined to his parents about the texts that he sent me? If the daughter says that it’s a joke, that’s that and there shouldn’t be extra steps taken.</p>
<p>As a high school student, I recommend not taking action against the boy. Yes, it was not an appropriate text, but you have to realize that these are immature teenagers, and eventually they will grow up. Being suspended or expelled for a lapse in judgement is unfair- I would say that if this was an isolated case and did not keep happening after your daughter told him to stop, then it really isn’t a big deal. It would be mean of you to ruin the boy’s chances of getting into a good college just because he did something stupid one time.</p>
<p>OP
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<p>That is exactly what I would have done, assuming this is a just a peer or a friend (and not someone with a rep for repeat behavior). </p>
<p>If this was a student who had done this type of thing before, I would call the parents and tell them that I was not going to call the school or police THIS time, but that I was saving a copy of the text with all identifying information. Basically I would let them all know that this was a last chance wrapped in good intentions (I do believe in the concept of “it takes a village”, and that some kids who turn out well step up to the rascal level a few times before turning a new leaf). I would remind perp and parents that this was not a first time thing, and that if I got wind of any other similar activity I would go to the school or the police. I would make sure that the student was there for this conversation, and that both perp and parents knew that this was their last chance. Obviously, I would not take this approach if the dad resembled, say, the character Javier Bardem played in No Country For Old Men. It would of course depend on the situation.</p>
<p>Obviously a threat of imminent violence should lead to immediate police contact, but this situation does not in any way sound like that.</p>
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Definitely. I actually meant the taking-him-by-the-ear thing as a joke. A metaphor, really. I would have texted back, “this is so-and-so’s mom…”. I would have communicated directly to the perp (if this was his first infraction) in a such a way that was measured, perfectly legal, fair, compassionate, appropriate, and TERRIFYING. :)</p>
<p>Spidey, actually, a little ear pulling would work miracles in some cases. 
My buddies and I knew better than to sneak into the garden of the farmer who kept a salt-loaded rifle by the window. :)</p>
<p>Let’s assume this is just a one-time stupidity and there has been no prior incidents. The kid needs to learn not only that such behavior is inaproppriate, but also WHY. A simple threatening text from the girl’s mother is not going to accomplish this. A chat with a HS community resource police officer will be much more effective in providing education as to why threats of rape are no joking matter. I would not avoid talking to cops - cops are not very interested in arresting stupid punks and throwing them into “juvie”, but they might work as a great source of information on what can be done in certain situations. Legally.</p>
<p>I think the OP’s D & the perp with threatening rape message need to have a better understanding of “humor” and what is NOT humor. It is concerning that the perp has sent similar messages to others as well. It is troubling OP’s D considers it “humor.” If it were a workplace, it would be sexual harassment & more! I agree that saving a copy of the text with all identifying info OP’s file is a good idea. Even if it was deleted, the cell phone carrier may be able to get it in hard copy for you.</p>
<p>Whatever OP does, I hope both OP’s D & the perp who threatened violence understand why it’s NOT OK to have threats and why this IS a threat. Not sure what I’d do in a similar situation.</p>
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<p>Have you watched Comedy Central lately? It was a joke.</p>
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<p>Growing up isn’t based on chronological age, it’s based on learning something from life’s experiences. Doing stupid or dangerous stuff and having absolutely no consequence impedes growing up. Sending texts that threaten violence is stupid at the VERY least, and stupid can sometimes be helped by someone explaining to you why it’s stupid or by people around you making a bigger deal out of it that you thought. The fact is, it is a big deal.</p>
<p>“The fact is, it is a big deal.” The only people truly involved think otherwise. If this girl doesn’t want these texts, let her tell the “offender” herself. There is certainly no need to traumatize the boy with “community resource” officers.</p>