problems at home

<p>Teddy was right in Salinger's Nine Stories.</p>

<p>I don't love my parents...I only feel an affinity towards them.</p>

<p>They complain about everything I do and always act condescendingly. They treat me like a 6 year old. I don't want their advice or criticisms. It's an insult to my intelligence and ability to be responsible. They're too caring, controlling, restrictive, etc.</p>

<p>I stay up to 1 am to write an essay and they tell me to go to sleep. Well, then they better be prepared for some B's if that's what they want. My mom says that the only reason I get good grades is because I'm such a recluse and care too much about school. OK, so I guess my academic motivation is bad and not accepted and that I'm a bad person because I try hard in school. My dad constantly tells me to do this and do that, unaware that I have my own schedule and own priorities, and I will meet his requests when the time comes. I barely get more than 4 hours of sleep a day. I have been feeling dizzy for 6 months now. And my parents still criticize me and boss me around.</p>

<p>They don't understand how much effort I put into school and when I tell them, they merely say many top students study as hard as I do. Well, I bet many top students also don't have obsessive-compulsive disorder, which causes me to get paranoid about certain things and waste my time on minutae. They don't understand how when I handwrite an essay or lab report, I often erase and rewrite the same word 10 times to make it look perfect, because I feel bad penmanship can affect a teacher's mood and therefore, my grade. This sounds completely illogical to most people, but for OCD people like me, this is what I have to go through. There is a nightly ritual that I go through before bedtime and sometimes, it takes 15-30 minutes to do. It would be embarassing to describe but underscores how OCD can really make a person go crazy and mess with their mind. Parents don't understand. They don't believe in problems such as OCD and say that I can just force myself out of it. But it's like smoking...most people can't quit on their own will. Parents can't see that cause their still from the stone-age and are so narrow-minded and naive, much like the same characteristics that they criticize their kids for.</p>

<p>Then my dad talks about me not getting teacher recs done for college and he doesn't know that I'm already well ahead than most kids. I wanted one of my teachers to add something on my rec (say he was a graduate of some college), and i couldn't get to it on monday. so my dad starts complaining today (wednesday) and doesn't know that I've only gotten 4 hours of sleep each night and almost tripped down the stairs at school school because I was so tired from all the work that I already have to do. I'm working at maxmum capicaity right now and have a strict schedule that I'm following to get everything done on time and my parents keep on interfering and complaining about this and that, when they don't even understnat that I am responbile enough to take care of this on my own. I will get the teacher rec done by friday, but my dad feels he needs to insult my intelligence by constnatly bugging me and stating the obvious (ie. get teacher rec changes done is like saying 1+1=2). I know this and it's on my mind so often that I can't even sleep when I think about all this work I have to do and my dad feels he needs to shove it down my gut some more.</p>

<p>I say I want more indepedence and they then go on their lecture about how my food, clothes, college tuition, shelter, etc comes from them, so if I want to be independent, I better get my own job. I wish they didn't see things like black and white. They're so hypocritical and it's so irritating and annoying. If there's one thing that I can't stand, it's ignorance. I hate it when my parents don't get the full picture and draw stoopid conclusions and then attack me. I don't know what I'm going to do. I just ran out of Lexapro about 2 days ago and the effects are showing. Damn, I'm so depressed right now, and I prolly can't get my dad to buy some more because he's prolly already mad at me. It's a no-win situation. A college ineterview is tomorrow and I'm going to be so depressed and tired. I really don't see how life is worth living. It's a stoopid existence. I feel terrible 90% of the time. Happy only 10% of the time when there's some good sports on TV. It's just not worth it. </p>

<p>I hate it how elitist people say suicide is selfish. I think it's quite selfish and arrogant to say that...it's like...oooo...saying "suicide is selfish" is so philosophical and deep and intellectual that the eprson saying that always has some ulterior motive to be perceived as clever and quick witted and experienced and intelligent - but that motive is also selfish...it's hypocritical. everyone's selfish....it's what drives people...donate to charity...makes you feel good about yourself...thus you are selfish because you want yourself to feel good.</p>

<p>nevermind, I'm just rambling...just needed to vent but I'm not apoligizing cause you just want others' approval or forgiveness, which is such a selfish thing to seek...</p>

<p>trust me, I know how you feel. I have a neurological condition that makes my hand involuntarily shake, and so my handwriting is crappy and my parents don't understand that no matter how much time I take to write something out, it's never going to look neat. My parents are living together anymore (though they're married) so I've experienced a few grade slips (b- in algebra 2 last year) in connection. Also, my parents don't let me stay up past 10, and I have a job now, and sometimes I don't get home till 9 or 10, so i can't finnish my homework. I've dealt with depression for a while now, kinda startiing with boy troubles, and then everything kinda exploded in my face. I understand how bad it can feel, but trust me, you have to stick it out, for the little things, because it does get better, I know.</p>

<p>CHarryberry....don't worry...I'd say that applying for college during senior year can be one of the most stressful times...it'll get way better after ur done. Anyways...just tough it out for a little bit...and best of luck on college apps. :-D</p>