This may just be a misery loves company thread, but here goes.
I’m 52, have been working for 30 years and am feeling completely burned out. I’ve usually found my work satisfying, but these days I am cynical, cranky, and fed up. I keep fantasizing about taking time off – or better yet retiring.
The crazy thing is I’m an independent consultant so you’d think I’d have a lot of flexibility. But I signed up for a big project last year that takes most my time and I hate it. Not clicking with the people or the project and would love to get out – but am worried about my reputation (it’s a small field) if I leave them high and dry. In fact, I think they are hoping I’ll make the project my full-time job.
Prior to this current consulting gig, I left a rocky start-up that also sapped a lot of my professional good will, mainly b/c it was run by a very challenging individual. So, bottom line, after 25 years of more or less professional success, the last 5 years have been hard. Feels a bit like my career has run off the rails. I think my husband and friends are tired of me complaining.
I would love to find a way to bow out of this project and take a step back from my professional life to figure out what I really want to do the next 8 to 10 years b4 I can retire. I think I need to get more brave and only take the projects I really want to do – even if that means less money. But of course that scares me too b/c while we could take my income going doing some (maybe 25%) we’re not ready for it to dip lower than that. That said, we could afford me taking a short (2 or 3 month) break. Further down the road, it’s possible in about 3 years my husband will retire from his government job and take a much better paying private sector gig that could open the door for me to work less. But that’s hypothetical at this point…
I also look around and see all these younger folks now with all these skills I don’t have. I know I still bring a lot to the table, but my overall professional drive has shifted to about 25 mph and I’m not sure what to do. Instead, I dream about all the things unpaid I’d rather be doing – volunteering, political action, exercise, get our house ready to sell in a couple years, etc.
The only way I can take a break is if I back out of my current contract. It ends in December and I suspect we’ll start talking about what comes next much sooner, however. Maybe as early as June. I am 90% sure I will be telling them I won’t renew the contract which might cause them to end it even sooner. Which in many ways would be welcome – unless they take the whole thing poorly and it reflects badly on my reputation.
I would push the discussion of what comes next sooner yourself. If you do all you can to leave things in a state where the next consultant can hit the ground running your reputation stands a better chance of being preserved. Also, if you offer to assist in finding and/or handing off to the next person you can ensure that you are not blamed for anything simply because you are not there to defend yourself. Claim health needs (mental health counts), upcoming family obligations or the needs of the project itself to bring up the need to transition sooner rather than later.
Go get the skills you see in others. It may just rejuvenate you professionally and increase your ability to be choosy about your next project. Good luck to you!
Can you take next January off if the contract is renewed? Explain that you need the time to do home renovations etc. so you could get that out of the way.
@Cheeringsection – My step-father was recently diagnosed with cancer and my husband has a new role that involves much more travel (my contract also requires travel) so I do have real ‘life and health’ reasons to use on why I want to end the contract sooner rather than later. I like the idea of offering to stay while they look for replacement and helping with transition.
“Family health matters” or “personal health matters” can be your excuse.
I’d also consider squeezing in time to dabble in other areas of interest. Having more fun/interests in your off hours may make your work hours more bearable and put a little pep in your step.
I think you have found your reasons for being unmotivated— you are stretched too thin and struggling to make the office your first priority right now with so many other things on your plate. Telling them that you want to train your backup and eventual successor, given the uncertainty of things in your personal life, is a very professional thing to do. Go for it!
To me being an independent consultant doesn’t equal lots of flexibility, it equals lots of responsibility and the professional worry that goes along with that. You’ve been at it for a long time now as well as probably carrying the load at home if your husband travels a lot. Makes sense you’re tired and unenthusiastic.
Are there phases to the project that would allow a natural break even if for a week?
Do you know of another consultant that you could bring to the table? I think this would keep your reputation intact if you can say- I have circumstances that require me to step back
What skills do the young ones have that you see as valuable?
“…I dream about all the things unpaid I’d rather be doing … exercise, …”
If you don’t believe you have time to exercise now, just force yourself to walk for 30 minutes at lunchtime or spend 30 minutes a day at the gym. This will give you a 30-minute vacation everyday, which may take the stress off.
Been there, done that. Maybe still there, a little. But made some changes that are working for me now. Doesn’t sound like the changes I made would work for you (I went on the road, I’m a single empty nester), but just being open to options often brings them to me, I find.
I just wanted to chime in with a “you are not alone” post
My recommendation would be to take a few months off – however I recently took 6 weeks off and it only made it harder to go back to work! I’m only 45 but I plan to hopefully retire for good in anywhere from 1-5 years. I also think constantly about all the things I want to do: hiking, reading, cooking, travel, exercise etc (and I already do these things - I just want to do them MORE :))
Another thought - when was the last time you had a blood test to check your thyroid, iron and ferritin levels, vitamin lever (D & B12) etc. A lot of times feeling tired is attributed to stress and depression when it has an actual physical cause, specially in women. I don’t know how many times a doctor has tiod me “maybe I’m depressed” when I was actually anemic. If you don’t insist on tests they rarely do.
Thanks everyone – these are all great thoughts. I am due to have my blood work done - have been delinquent. So that’s an interesting thought.
It’s nice to know that others have dealt with similar periods of professional malaise. I think one of the hard parts for me is faking it with the folks I’m working with. I will feel better when I let them know. I think that will be in the next month or so. I just started in December so I want to at least make it six months – half the contract. Then I can stay another 3 months or so, perhaps, depending on how long they need. Or, I need to be prepared they will be pissed and kick me to the curb before, but hopefully that won’t happen.
And then it’ll be a matter of figuring out what I’ve learned from this and how to shake things up so it hopefully doesn’t happen again.
@AlmostThere2018 – I walked away from a job before I felt 100% financially ready to do so.
And I later regretted it.
I’m just one of these people who HATES worrying about money, it drives a bigger hole in my stomach than a stressful job.
So my advice, based strictly on my own experience, is to feel at least OK (if not good) about your financial situation before leaving a job, or even taking a salary cut.
I will gladly join your pity party! I have been wanting to retire for the last 10 years, but I can’t even consider it for another 6 years and then I need to work at something for another 3 or 4 to pay the bills. I am single and have only my paycheck to rely on. I have so many things I would rather be doing (in the middle of painting my kitchen cabinets, have a brand new grand baby, helping D with a project, etc). Like TheFrenchChef said, taking vacations just makes it worse. It’s so hard to go back to work afterwards.
I am leaving parish ministry after 35 years and taking a chaplain residency at age 60. I have never in my life worked 8-5 or been accountable to anyone (churches never asked me for records of time), so hours have always been flexible til now. Cutting my salary almost in half - which I can’t afford to do but I’ll figure out something and have about half of that cut amount in savings. Decided to stop looking at the discretionary spending thread!
