@HImom, I fully agree. Living with chronic pain is something many people cannot fathom. My kids are not aware of the extent of my medical issues. When the time comes, I also want “to die peacefully and with dignity at home instead of painfully being hooked to machines which just get in the way.”
My biggest fear is that I may develop Alzheimer’s, like my dad, or some other form of dementia, like my mother, and not be capable of taking the actions necessary to end life on my own terms. Dh understands and agrees with my feelings on this topic, but said he will not take any steps to actively assist.
My MIL spent 14 months in hospice. She hung on much longer than was anticipated. Was in a memory care unit. As @teriwtt says, sometimes there is an improvement with hospice initially when dementia is involved. She died at 91 after a long, slow decline. Very painful to watch.
My dad, who died almost 4 years ago, told us his surgery removed all of his kidney cancer. We discovered after his death that they were not able to get all of his cancer in the surgery. He decided at 82 that he didn’t want surgery that could possibly result in him being on dialysis, so he opted not to follow up with any other measures. He never told us - I guess he thought we might try to change his mind - and he sort of slowly faded away on his own terms. I respect the heck out of his decision.