<p>The only expense I never griped about was the limo. No worries about drinking/driving, or being crammed into a car with three other couples, playing music too loudly and being distracted. Best 75.00 ever spent to ensure they got home in one piece .</p>
<p>Both D and S went to many proms over the years, as D had a boyfriend one grade ahead, and also went as friends with a younger boy, and S had friend dates and a GF for all of HS.</p>
<p>My son surely paid more for his tux rental than his GF, whose mom encouraged her to bargain shop. She was gorgeous both times. They rented a limo for Junior Prom (with a group), and drove themselves to Senior. </p>
<p>D is the older one, a tiny easy to fit girl, and we wound up buying only two dresses for all 5 proms. Both of them were retro inspired prom dresses, one being an actual vintage 50’s dress, the other a Betsey Johnson. Neither dress was cheap, but she’s gotten so much wear out of both dresses (my mother’s measure of value), The vintage one, in particular, went to 3 proms, a local music awards show, and a recent Christmas show (it’s emerald green, gorgeous silk). The Betsey dress went to 2 proms and a music photo shoot. Another dress went to 3 formals and the opera, and a fancy Birthday in NYC. </p>
<p>Hair was always important, because it was prom, she had great hair, she had fun ideas about crazy updo’s, and she paid for it. We also had a family friend who was a fabulous hairdresser, who was totally on board with the idea and gave us a discount. Nails were do-it-yourself.</p>
<p>Limo? Not for D. For her BFs Junior prom, her whole gang arrived in somebody’s borrowed pink Cadillac convertible. The guys were in a punk/ska band, and wore Cons with their tux’s, and checkerboard ties. The cops at the venue were very sweet and promised to keep an eye on the car :). As you can imagine, there was no fake tanning involved.</p>
<p>I was never stressed during any of it. We were and are a working class family who scrimped and saved for almost everything, and never spent money to keep up with the Joneses, The running around WAS stressful, especially when D’s boyfriend didn’t think about flowers his Junior year. </p>
<p>I don’t think there’s a right way to do anything, it’s just your way and what works for you. </p>
<p>OP, I’m sure you’ll get through this with some fond memories. Thank you for reviving mine!</p>
<p>It’s been a few years but I will agree that I found the whole prom experience stressful. For older d, she asked a boy from a different school and so she paid for the tickets for the prom. There was dress/shoe/evening bag shopping,hair make-up/corsage/boutonniere, limo. the pre-prom at friend’s house but what was most stressful was the afterprom arrangements-the hotel in NYC, comedy club and whose parents were paying for what. With younger d, boyfriend was in high school class so expenses were more split but all the same as above. For older d, she found a dress early on in Bloomingdale’s but younger d wanted a vintage dress. We did find a dress with a NYC shopping trip but very hard to find shoes… as she has a tiny foot. We must have visited at least 20 plus stores-this was when it wasn’t as easy to order/return from online shopping. She finally found a shoe she liked and I called every shoe store in NYC to find which one had it in her size and finally found the one and flew out the door from my office to hightail it up to Madison Avenue location.</p>
<p>My co-worker’s youngest has prom next week. Because the girls all posted their dresses online so no one would copy, she was so distressed when someone copied her $500 dress… that she saved up and insisted on buying special shoes. How special— $900 Christian Loubutain… I am sure that they are gorgeous and really comfortable but it’s a bit too much for me… Oh yes… that is all before the party bus to the Jersey shore for after-prom.</p>
<p>DD didn’t go to her proms, even though her GFs encouraged to come along with their big girl group. She did go to after-party as the hs senior year. God bless the tireless volunteers that make those events a fun time! </p>
<p>DS went to both proms. We drove 5 kids junior year. Senior year 30 of them rented a bus - I loved the idea and happily covered the cost. At our hs (as far as I know) things are low key. Many boys wear suits or tux from band/orchestra. A rew just wear a white shirt and tie. DS’s band tux jacket was snug by senior year, so he got a nice vest for $20 and wore it most of the night. It looked fine with non-tux black pants. </p>
<p>Wow, $250 for rental tux blows my mind - glad to see somebody posted the JC Penney tux idea. </p>
<p>D only fit ONE dress every prom season (without alterations), even though I took her to both of the largest malls in the area. We bought the dress that fit and she wore it at least a few times (weddings & other formal occasions). She did gift her short banquet dresses to her cousin, who was happy and fit them nicely, as D is really not into dresses much.</p>
<p>D never had a PromPosal (which we’re glad of). She bought a nice lei for the date and paid for the bid (which included dinner); he bought her a bouquet and rented his own tux. She and her GFs chipped in for a limo that they all shared and the boys paid for the photos, which included one photo of them as a couple and a photo of all the girls together, as well as one of all the girls and the dates together.</p>
<p>She did get her hair done by a friend at our house and also got makeup done at no charge at the local Macy’s. She and her GFs gathered at one of the girl’s houses, where we could take photos of everyone. After the prom, they went back to the GFs house with their dates and had a brief party. They sent the men home and then had a sleepover with all the girls. D seemed to enjoy the bonding with the girls most.</p>
<p>S never attended ANY proms or banquets other than one in 8th grade (and he was pretty indifferent to that band banquet). He refused to attend the engineering ball that was held annually at his U as well.</p>
<p>My sorority does a “prom dress give away”, with accesories, manipedis, and miss maaners/ be safe stuff. So do others in my community. </p>
<p>We gave prom dresses to our local HS, where they are gratefully received. </p>
<p>When my older kids were in HS, there was no over-the-top PromPosal culture. It is crazy. I have heard of some salacious invitation techniques that would have made John Belushi blush.</p>
<p>My DS asked his girlfriend for Junior prom by prearranging that dessert at a very nice restaurant would come out with “Prom ?” written using dessert sauce. It surprised his gf, he was accepted, and a few of the diners at nearby tables beamed at them (two couples actually applauded). The reason gf was surprised and impressed is that DS, for all of his virtues, is not a great planner, so it meant something that he visited the restaurant before their meal to arrange things.</p>
<p>Okay, fine. Now, after being a couple for 18 months, they know, their friends know, their parents know, heck the janitor at the school probably knows, that they are going to prom together. But, a PromPosal is still called for. For my taste, enough already.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Are these the kind of people who claim that they are barely middle class because they are living on a mere $300K in the NYC area?</p>
<p>This sounds like the kind of brat who is going to demand a $250K wedding at the Plaza or whatever. Argh.</p>
<p>The bar is being raised high enough for the prom-posals. My own proms were fun because the guys I went with were good friends, not because they asked me in some special way. I think if a guy likes a girl, then he could care less how fancy the dress and shoes are, and honestly, if I liked who asked me, I’d be thrilled no matter how he asked.
I think it’s hard enough for shy guys to ask a girl and requiring them to come up with some special prom-posal would add to this. Also imagine the humiliation of going all out and the girl says “no”. </p>
<p>Well, I think these big ask things virtually ensure a yes. Who is going to say no with everyone’s eyes fixed on you? </p>
<p>I have always felt that things like the ballpark wedding proposals were horrible.</p>
<p>There’s a movie where the guy asks the woman to marry him in some showy way, like a plane towing a sign across the beach, and she says no. He then has to warn her about all of the other special effects he has planned. I’m trying to remember who’s in it. Someone like Albert Brooks or Ben Stiller, maybe.</p>
<p>The kids at my daughter’s school don’t set up the promposal (gross word) until it’s been confirmed through friends that the recipient will say yes. So far, no disappointments. Kinda takes away the surprise element but at least no one gets turned down. Btw, one boy placed over 1,000 red roses in his date’s bedroom for his promposal. When I saw the pic, all I could think was “Where is the coffin?” </p>
<p>I haven’t read the whole thread but I was somewhat stressed last year. I let D2 do the shopping for things but she told me she couldn’t find the purse and shoes to match the dress, the ones she liked were too expensive. This is the second year she did this to me. Luckily I went online and found something inexpensive that she agreed to wear with her clothes. </p>
<p>My daughter’s friends had a party pre and post prom. All friends from drama class. Two girls had the exact same dress - and they laughed about it and everyone lived! No limo because some kids couldn’t afford it, but no worries about this group drinking.</p>
<p>Other daughter? Happily paid for the limo for that group.</p>
<p>I hate the idea of big productions to ask someone to prom. Thankfully that’s not a thing at my kids’ school. </p>
<p>My S who just graduated didn’t go to either prom. I suspect D will be more likely to go. But she’s pretty low maintenance. I think the expense does get ridiculous. A nice dress and maybe new shoes or costume jewelry to go with the dress is one thing. The idea that you have to get your hair and makeup professionally done? That seems a bit much to me. I’m another one who didn’t even do that for my wedding :)</p>
<p>@twoinanddone, your daughters group sounds like my kids’ groups. Who cares if someone else has the same dress? It just confirms that great minds think alike, right? :-)</p>
<p>The limo thing was peace of mind for me, not because my kids’ groups drank, but rather the others on the road. Inexperienced, tired, and possibly distracted drivers were things that kept me up at night the one time my DS went in a private vehicle. </p>
<p>My D’s friends all made sure to only go to prom with guys who all got along with A) all the other girls AND b) all the other guys. This made the evening a lot less pressure on the “couples,” and a lot more of a fun group event. It did make it a bit tougher to figure out the male dates, since it wasn’t always easy finding someone who met both criteria. ;)</p>
<p>Actually my co-worker’s daughter is one of the sweetest girls you can ever meet, she is going to be pre-med, she is all honors student, plays varsity level sports and actually saved all this money herself… whether you or I think a teenage girl should be spending $900 on shoes is something else entirely… she is the youngest in her family and last to go to prom and also the last to go to college. I do think that learning the value of what is “acceptable to spend” on something varies across the board but it is something that needs to be taught. </p>
<p>When my girls were in high school, the big deal was designer handbags. While I have a fondness myself for Coach because they are well made and last a very long time… I just could not get why teenage girls need a designer bag to put on the floor of their classroom or to walk around with in the mall or anywhere else… </p>
<p>Thankfully there weren’t any such things at the time at “promposals” and I was perfectly happy to not be in the competitive position of hosting pre-prom for all 40 or so kids and their parents and assembled multitude. </p>
<p>For anyone pining for the good old days - that’s a mixed bag. On the plus side, my Senior prom (40 years ago) was held in the (lavishly decorated) school gym, a local elks club hosted an after prom party that everyone attended (good food, good band, more fun than the actual prom) , dresses/tuxes were less expensive, we did our own hair/makeup/nails, no limos, no promposals.
The downside: you HAD TO go with a date. So if you were a senior girl and a senior guy didn’t ask you ( and you didn’t know a guy from another school to ask) you were out of luck. No one I knew even went as friends. Several of the guys in my class decided they didn’t want to be bothered going, so lots of senior girls were left out. A few of my friends refused to help decorate the gym for a party that they essentially could not attend. No limos=lots of drunk teen drivers.</p>
<p>I loathe the proposal trend…I think it is ridiculous and competitive and puts a lot of pressure on both the boy and the girl he intends to ask. And really, what is the point of making a grand scene if you are already dating. I know of some boys who simply refused to get into that and skipped the prom because of it.
My daughter spend about $300 on a dress and got some pretty , non-prom like sandals from DSW. I think they were about $35-40. Did her own makeup , but had her hair done.
One other thing that has changed since my last go around with proms ( 2008 ) was that the boy buys his own buttoner ( sp ) So there were two here for daughter’s date and another one that was a mystery.<br>
Next year she will be a senior and I really hope she goes with a friend who doesn’t carry a torch for her and it’s platonic all the way</p>