<p>My son who is 18 just mentioned that kids are making plans for after the prom where they often stay away at a shore house (NJ) for the entire weekend. Incredibly, if you search prom nite NJ shore you see many houses advertised.</p>
<p>I never went to my prom, never mind the fact it was over 30 years ago but the idea of kids staying the weekend probably doing the obvious is new to me.</p>
<p>What do parents think?</p>
<p>Well no good can come of that.</p>
<p>Whomever owns the house ( at least in my state) is liable for whatever happens.
If my kid was 18 & there were going to be minors around that they might be found responsible for, I would be concerned.</p>
<p>I agree that an adult must be signing these contracts and would be responsible. I’ve heard that some kids want to stay in a hotel but still I imagine more kids showing up if they knew someone had a hotel room and it still getting out of hand.</p>
<p>Lakemom, a parent organized hotel room rentals, but we did not allow our son to attend. We discussed it, and we got through it, but our son did not put up a fuss. He was diappointed at the time, but so unimportant now. </p>
<p>Our other son wanted to take 2 trips which had nothing to do with the prom. One was about riding in a car to VT with an 18 year old inexperienced driver for a ski weekend. Our son is a novice skier and the group was much more experienced at skiing. We knew the risks of a car accident or a ski accident if our son felt pressured into attempting to ski a slope he was not ready to attempt. Also, they were going to stay without adult supervision in a condo owned by the family of one of the kids.</p>
<p>The other trip involved flying to an island to stay at a property owned by the parents of one of the kids (my son was not even good friends with this young man). Again, no adult supervision, so we did not allow that either. </p>
<p>Our older son wanted to debate the trips a bit more, but we stuck with our decision. We have no regrets.</p>
<p>Our district intentionally schedules prom on Monday, followed by graduation on Wednesday to steer clear of this issue. That said, lots of kids head to Seaside Heights (yes, of Jersey Shore fame…) the Saturday after graduation. The owners of the properties allows kids over 18 to sign the leases. It’s known to be full of booze and sex. D1 had no interest in Beach week. She headed to NW NJ on a church mission trip.</p>
<p>The HS both our kids graduated from got a solution for after prom. Parents turn the whole HS into a playground. Every year, the committee comes up a theme for the after prom. All the parents get involved - from $$, to materials, to time labor. Local shops donate gifts as prizes for games.</p>
<p>Just before the prom, they open the door to public and hundreds if not thousands people come to see the finished party settup. It is really amazing.</p>
<p>The kids spent the whole night there and parents coudld sleep well.</p>
<p>Thanks northeastmom. We actually recently let my son go away to snowboard trip to a condo that a family owned of a boy who is now in college. There were no parents there and we only insisted that he drive my SUV and stay in touch. We wanted him to go to have the snowboarding time and he had snowboarded with the boy for 2 yrs in HS so I knew him. They seemed to have a contained time. Cooked food some, ate out some and snowboarded during the day. I texted him a few times and heard right back. </p>
<p>By June, my son will be 18 1/2. I trust him but it is the effect of being around others with less control that is my concern. He is a pretty conscientious kid and very safety conscience himself but these affairs have a way of getting out of hand.</p>
<p>NJmom and DadII, our HS does project graduation right after graduation which is an alcohol free celebration that is planned and organized by parents but they obviously don’t have a post prom plan like your towns.</p>
<p>DadII -</p>
<p>It sounds like we live in similar districts. </p>
<p>My d went to prom as a junior. her then bf and his group were going (join the crowd) - to the Jersey Shore afterwards. I pulled the mom veto and told her no, she was 16. I didnt know this group of kids, they were the wealthy kids my d didn’t usually hang with. The next year, i allowed her to go to the Hamptons with a group of friends. I knew the parents whose house it was, the girls had been friends for years and the couple of boys who went are gay.</p>
<p>We also trusted our 18 year olds. What we did not trust were the situations that they might get into, which seems to be your exact fear. These are tough decisions. I felt that even if there was going to be some underage drinking or pot within the room, it could mean a police record and legal bills, or worse (ie: medical emergency). I explained this to my sons too. For the VT trip I worried about a new driver not knowing how to drive in ice/snow and when to pull over if the weather was bad. I think that when I pointed out some possible pitfalls my sons were a bit afraid to push too hard to go on these outings, although they would never admit it!</p>
<p>A work friend of mine chose to delete her facebook account after her son tagged her in very innocent pre-prom pictures but left the album open to public view. She was mortified that her friends got an eyefull of his down the shore post-prom weekend. Very pretty girls putting on quite the lingerie dance party for the guys, followed by body shots on the dining room table. And then pictures of kids passed out in various states around the house. Kids who do this kind of stuff are going to do it wherever though, and vice versa, nonpartiers might spend the weekend playing apples to apples. It all depends on the kids and their friends.</p>
<p>My daughter and her friends did this when she was a senior. The caveat here was that the shore house belonged to a good friend of one of the girl’s parents.</p>
<p>Initially I balked when I learned that the ‘responsible adult’ would be the older sister of the girl who got the house. I would have preferred that an actual parent be present.</p>
<p>What allowed me to tip the scales toward that end and saved the weekend for everyone were the restrictions on the GDL here in NJ. Because there were 12-15 kids going, transportation was going to be an issue. Not all the kids had ‘full’ NJ licenses; many were still on the restrictions that they could not drive past 11pm or with more than one unrelated person in the car with them. I expressed concerns about that to the mother who had obtained the house, and she realized that would indeed be an issue. I also expressed concern that these kids would be driving to the shore VERY tired…having been up since 6am (they were required to attend school that day in order to attend the prom).</p>
<p>She agreed to ensure that everyone got there safely. She drove her van with half the kids, her older daughter drove the rest after the prom. The mom stayed at the house all weekend with the kids but ‘out of the way’, just to make sure they stayed safe.</p>
<p>My daughter said they had a BLAST that weekend. I was glad we were able to figure out a way to make it happen.</p>
<p>last year my daughters large group of friends all went to one of the girls houses after prom. A bunch of the moms cooked breakfast for them(moms left after cooking), then they hung out and watched movies and sat in the hot tub. The kids all stayed the night but once they started falling asleep the parents of the home seperated girls upstairs/boys down with the father staying on the couch with the boys downstairs…</p>
<p>These set-ups, requests, and options seem scary and made for trouble. That said, if your kids are 18+ /and/or /headed to college in 7 months or so, it may be best to accept that they will be making equivalent decisions on their own soon. Rather than veto, here’s your chance to help then learn to navigate in a “dress rehearsal” for independence.</p>
<p>^^that, but might I add that we required our kids to not only take the responsibility, but also foot the bill…</p>
<p>That way, if it was a disaster, it taught them a very valuable lesson…</p>
<p>This is a family decision and like other family decisions, YMMV…but we do send them away three months later to make these kinds of decisions…</p>
<p>Both of my kids’ schools do/did all night activities. The kids get on a bus and are driven to the dance and then to the after-prom activities. It does not eliminate drinking, but it controls it a bit. It does help with the drinking and driving because the kids were then delivered back to the school. My daughter’s school requested that families not host after parties. DD was not part of the in crowd, so she was not invited if they did have them.</p>
<p>Beach week is big here as well. Child number one had no desire to participate. I have not heard what child number two is planning…</p>
<p>We actually own a rental home at the NJ shore. Not Seaside, but I do spend a fair amount of time in the spring weeding out post grad/post prom group rentals. Hint-a June weekend with 10 adults and no “children”. I have offered to rent if a parent signs the lease and stays on site for the weekend, along with a higher security deposit. I have had parents offer to sign, but not supervise. When one such mom called me, I asked if I could send my 18 year old responsible daughter and 9 of her buddies to her house for the weekend to sleep in her beds and do whatever they wanted (legal or not). She got quite blustery and huffed “of course not!!” Seemed like an even trade to me…</p>
<p>Seriously, even responsible kids get caught in difficult situations–other kids crash the party, someone in the group gets the whole house arrested. Even innocent horse play can result in some one getting hurt or a lot of property damage. A few years ago one of the rental houses had a deck collapse with serious injuries.<br>
Proceed with caution.</p>
<p>I find it pretty interesting that parents would sign a contract to be responsible for a party weekend for 18 year olds. I never would but after talking with some friends today who have older kids who did prom activities in previous years, a number of people do have shore houses and they let the kids use them.</p>
<p>I’m all for wanting a kids to have a memorable event but having a a drinking/barfing fest isn’t what I would want to remember and I know it isn’t what my son has in mind. </p>
<p>I do think though even if a few of them got a hotel room, as soon as others learned they did they would pressure my son and his friends to let them come party in the room. </p>
<p>Trying to control other people pressuring you to go along because “it will be alright. We won’t be that rowdy” is what I think about.</p>
<p>My D & her friends always had a sleepover at a GF’s home after the prom. Sometimes the dates could come over for a short while before they were shooed off to go elsewhere. The parents of the GF were always home & the girls had a good time bonding & de-briefing. D never asked about staying at a hotel or other rental following prom.</p>
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<p>This is exactly what our HS does. Removes the pressure on kids to try to plan their own outings. Kids who don’t go to prom are allowed to come to post-prom too and no one can leave without a phone call from mom or dad.</p>
<p>It boggles my mind how many parents will sanction a trip to the shore or hotel or something. Even if you think your kid is not going to plan something dangerous, it is too tempting to put teens in that situation and/or to invite other kids to show up and a disaster ensues.</p>
<p>I know they will be on their own in a few months (if they are seniors, which many are not!) but they will be in a college dorm, where they probably do not have access to a car, and have some supervision (RA, RD etc). Not a similar situation IMHO.</p>