Proofread/Critique My UC Berkeley Essay, Anyone?

College Essays
1

<p>This is the prompt for the essay, which I could PM to anyone who would be willing to read it! Let me know if you think it sounds too dumb, too silly, too long, all my grammar mistakes, etc. Thanks so much! </p>

<p>Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are? </p>

<p>Also, I figured that I would simply reuse this essay for the Yale supplementary essay. Here is the prompt for that. If you read it, could you also tell me if you think that is a good or bad idea?</p>

<p>You have already told us about yourself in the Common Application, with its list of activities, the Short Answer, and the Personal Essay. While we leave the topic of your second essay entirely up to you, try telling us something about yourself that you believe we cannot learn elsewhere in your application. Please limit yourself to fewer than 500 words.</p>

2

<p>pm me i will read and critique it!</p>

3

<p>PM me. I am applying to Cal tho…</p>

4

<p>that’s fine with me! thanks =]</p>

5

<p>I’ll read
but help me read my commonapp essay too, ok?</p>

6

<p>Send it over and I’ll critique it =)</p>

7

<p>PM me I will be glad to take a look and give a feedback. I applied ED for Brown.</p>

8

<p>PM me, I will critique it (I am 11’er)</p>

9

<p>Will be glad to read it, PM it.</p>

10

<p>Oh wow, thanks guys! I was afraid no one would reply lol. PMing to all of you know…</p>

11

<p>Sure, I will read yours too! Send it on over, you can email it: <a href="mailto:kskclub01■■■■■■.com">kskclub01■■■■■■.com</a> or PM, whichever you prefer.</p>

12

<p>I could read it too!</p>

13

<p>I’ll read!</p>

14

<p>PM me, I am more than willing to read it.</p>

15

<p>pm it over! i’ll give feedback :)</p>

16

<p>Trade? I’ll read yours if you read mine? Thanks in advance!</p>

17

<p>Sending over to people who have replied since last time, and to LidoxJules and Tiger62025, sure! you can PM me or email me! <a href="mailto:kskclub01■■■■■■.com">kskclub01■■■■■■.com</a></p>

18

<p>Sure, you can just PM me! I’ll read over it and give you feedback.</p>

19

<p>I know this thread is a couple years old, but I’m also applying to UC Berkeley and I’d really appreciate it someone would be willing to take a look at my prompt 2 essay and give me some feedback/comments etc.
I tried to adapt one of my other essays for this question so I would also like an opinion on if you think I answered the question completely and clearly enough or if I’m missing anything major.
Just PM me and I’ll send it to you, thanks!</p>

20

<p>PM me! I’ll read it! =)</p>