Proofread UC essay #2

College Essays
1

<p>Hello, Could you please help me to fix my essay #2 for UC? I don’t like my third paragraph, and also do you think I should use less programming terms like C++, or is it ok to use them? Happy Thanksgiving! </p>

<p>A clock is ticking on the wall, counting the last ten minutes to submit our app. However something went wrong- the screen of the app is blank and all seems completely ruined for our team. The manager announces that the presentation of apps is upcoming after five minutes, we still can not find our bug, so we are trying to find our mistake by randomly changing code. Luckily, we find out what is wrong and submit our final app just couple of minutes before the final deadline. The relief and joyfulness in my face is so big that I forget to prepare to speak and present our app. Despite of that the presentation succeeds and everyone is happy with our result.</p>

<p>These are the moments from the “Wix Hackathon”, in which me and my friends were trying to develop the Skype Widget for Wix App store. We were the youngest participants there. Nevertheless, we proved that we can make apps as good as computer science graduates. Creating that app was not something like a big accomplishment for me, but seeing Wix employees congratulating us and telling us words like: “Wow guys you are so young, but you performed as well as other participants in the Hackathon. You will see that couple of years later you will hopefully create your own startup” really made us to feel proud of our work.</p>

<p>When I registered to the Wix Hackathon all I knew was a little background in programming that I learned at school or at home: some C++, Java, HTML and CSS. However,In the event we were ought to create a web application and no one from my team had a background in web development from before. So, in two days period during which we coded the app, I have learned more about creating web apps than I could learn in one month studying by myself. Our team was consisted from only three persons so I had a great chance to express myself in different areas: from coding the app to marketing it and creating its logo. The period of two days was a really short time for developing an app, so we had to rush all the time, not having much time for relaxation. Despite of that the constant hurry and adrenaline really motivated me to try harder and achieve what then looked impossible - to create a full working app. Luckily, I achieved my goal and I felt really proud of it.</p>

<p>I find this quite parallel to my life because I always try to create goals which would be challenges to complete and love working forwards achieving them.</p>

2

<p>Cool! My PSes were both about programming too, good luck with your apps :)</p>

<p>As for your PSes:
You’ve got quite a few awkward sentence in places. I’m not the best grammar person out there but…
“Despite of that the presentation succeeds and everyone is happy with our result.”
^ What’s the “of” doing there?
Should be “Despite that, the presentation was a success.”
You can cut the happy part, if the presentation was was success then obviously you can infer they are happy, correct?</p>

<p>As for non-technical related stuff:
I definitely feel like you need to take more about yourself and less about programming. You mention a lot about the environment you’re in, and the pressure, but how does that affect you?
Take the moment you talk about yourself in:
“Despite of that the constant hurry and adrenaline really motivated me to try harder and achieve what then looked impossible - to create a full working app. Luckily, I achieved my goal and I felt really proud of it.”
So what you’re saying here is that the pressure motivated you to reach your goal. That’s good, except for the fact that everybody else is probably going to say something like too. How did the pressure help? What about your situation made it different than everyone else who’s been hurried before?</p>

<p>You also need more details to back up your last sentence. What goals do you create, and how do you accomplish them? Why do you love those challenges so much? I do recognize there’s a word limit, so try to do the best you can to add more about yourself. Good luck with your apps! ;D</p>

3

<p>Do not use abbreviations. Instead of I’m, write I am, or what’s write it as what is. Don’t write apps, use the whole word applications. Put comma after however. For example: “However, something went wrong–the screen is blank…”
Instead of saying"me and my friends" rewrite it as"my friends and I"
There should be exclamation point after the word wow, put comma after the word startup and before the quotation mark.
“When I registered to Wix Hackaton, all I knew was…” put comma after Hackaton.
“I learned at school at home–some C++, Java, HTML…”
Lastly, write a better and stronger conclusion. Check my post about my p.s. For ideas.
Good luck.</p>

4

<p>You might want to elaborate more about the Wix Hackaton.</p>