<p>Therapist of several years phoned to cancel appt for family member due to their elderly parent’s passing. Besides that very brief call, in which I expressed condolences, is there something else? Or not?</p>
<p>Not uncertain with friends or acquaintances, but this is neither. Instead, a professional who has been very effective in helping me and my family, so we have that doctor-patient bond thing. Probably closer than that with a medical provider. </p>
<p>I’m kind of a demonstrative Italian, prone to hugging. Want to be sure to convey my sadness over their loss without being over the top or inappropriate.</p>
<p>I ended up sending a simple card to their office in town. Thoughts? What would you do?</p>
<p>I would and have sent a card and given a hug next time I saw the doc (as happened with my allergist, whom I’ve known for over a decade and has helped our family thru a lot of tough times). I also gave a check toward the grandchild’s college fund, as it was something I think her late mom would have wanted, since she valued education so much.</p>
<p>Yea, I think I surprised my college & law school profs, as I gave hugs pretty freely to faculty. I was only rebuffed once, by a female peer who was feeling particularly prickly one day–never by any of the profs or anyone else. Hawaii is generally a pretty “huggy” place.</p>
<p>a card sounds lovely. I received many cards from patients and doctors who saw the obit in local paper. </p>
<p>I actually had an Italian couple who read the news of my mom’s passing. They drove by my house, where they dropped off some gorgeous rolled sandwiches. Someone else opened the door to them, and invited them in, but they just gave a verbal message. No one but me knew the time and trouble it took them to make the sandwiches and look up my home address. The gesture touched me, and in the 12 years since, I have visited them at their home or done other favors for them. For the record, I knew them over a dozen years beforehand. </p>
<p>Card is great. I have to say that after my brother died several years ago, every time someone went to hug me about it (for months after), I teared up. Which wasn’t the greatest at work and in settings where I really didn’t want to cry. It was almost a purely biological reaction, I could not control it. So consider a simple “I’m sorry about your mom/dad” when you see him again as well as the card…</p>
<p>OK, you are right that hugs can trigger tears and might not be best for people trying to remain professional. I agree that card was very thoughtful. I guess my allergist has become more of a family friend with all she has been through with us. I don’t hug my other docs, even those I have been seeing for over a decade.</p>
– will weigh in with that perspective.</p>