<p>Beliavsky: just out of curiosity, how old are your children? I’ve been assuming college or high school, but am now starting to wonder if they are much younger?</p>
<p>Though I agree with the fact the kids who look picture book preppie can be into risky behaviours and situations, doing a quick talley, in my experience, the ones with the multiple piercings, blue hair, certain dress code, over time did prove out to be the ones who indulged in other extremes. This is my personal view looking back over time, and I have a lot of kids.</p>
<p>Right now, my cousins have kids who fit certain stereotypes. Now it’s certainly possibe that the clean cut ones are the ones indulging in illegal, risky and plain out bad behaviour more than the ones with the “goth” and “tough” appearances, but the facts on the table do not show it that way. The one with the sleeve and the piercings and the colors in the hair is barely employed with an unemployed boyrfiend whose facebook page is fill with nasty words and photos, and they recently had a baby, that is a whole other issue, at age 19. The other has been in jail, no job, and his goal is to get a sleeve. The ones who are more preppie looking, one has a full ROTC scholarhsip, and the other two are halfway through college and working full time summers and seem to me to have good prospects. Looking in our own large family, the visuals pretty clearly separates out the wheat fro the chafe, so to speak.</p>
<p>Not to say that streak of pink or green won’t appear in someone/s hair, or some extra piecing or a tattoo. A lot of that is going mainstream these days, but judgment is the key. To have some nasty curse phrase, to put it nicely, tattooed on your neck is a stupid thing to do. Yes, just a label, but you just labeled yourself there. </p>
<p>That’s not to say that all I know with the bright hair, dreadlocks, crazy clothes, multiple piercings, Goth wardrobe are into risky behaviours. Some are straight arrows, do a great job on any commitments, are not into anything illegal, and are wonderful people. All outward appearance in terms of the non preppie looks. And, now days, there are a lot of people who are taking on parts of those looks as a personal and fashion statement only, So, yes, It’s not an auto thing. But, giving a quick sweep, a quick glance, if it walks like a duck… you know where I’m going.</p>
<p>okay - during the time my kids were in high school, the val and sal usually had some kind of extreme hair. Just walk through the campuses of the most highly selective LACs or universities and look around… lots of extreme fashion statements. Look at the students in the most highly selective graduate programs. It will vary by field, but you are going to see a fairly wide representation of extreme looks. Usually people adjust their looks to their environment and some environments encourage a non-“preppy” look.</p>
<p>I am very interested in BunsenBurner’s posts about health risks. That is a much different discussion than fashion risks.</p>
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<p>If it walks like a duck it must be a duck even though it could be an Honors student with the highest amount of merit money their university gives out?</p>
<p>None of my kids high school or college friends have weirdly dyed hair. None. Maybe it’s more of a Pacific Northwest thing.</p>
<p>Ha. I live in Virginia. It’s rather common here. Maybe not as much as out west but still common.</p>
<p>Of course, my desire to go full on purple was pushed a bit further when I found out I got paired with a roommate who has rather unique hair. She loved the idea of us being the weird Honors kids who don’t look like it.</p>
<p>^^ love this!!</p>
<p>* the weird Honors kids who don’t look like it. *</p>
<p>What do you two think you do look like? 
How do you imagine people on the street reacting to you?</p>
<p>I’ve never looked like the normal preppy Honors kid but she did when she had long hair. I look like your everyday average student (with and without the purple). She looks like she belongs in the artsy crowd. But she’s a writer so she kinda does belong in that crowd.</p>
<p>I mean, my hair is dark purple right now. So at first glance (especially after it fades some) you’d think it was a dark reddish brown. You’d have to actually look at me to realize it’s purple.</p>
<p>all right, I was imagining you were trying to look dangerous. ;)</p>
<p>I can’t hurt a fly so trying to look dangerous would be looking awkward for me. Actually, she’s the same way so it’d probably be bad on her too.</p>
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<p>They are young, with the oldest starting middle school this fall.</p>
<p>I went to a large HS which included the wealthiest kids and the lowest income kids in the city because of the way the boundary was drawn. While that long ago, hair dye and tattoos weren’t common among teenagers, there most certainly were “good kids” and “bad kids”.</p>
<p>The preppiest, most wealthy kid in the school was also a slacker who date-raped a girl before anyone knew that’s what it was called. He went on to marry and got thrown out when his wife came home to him in bed with the babysitter. A boy from the “bad part” of town who had trouble making friends among the “right” kids went on to multiple degrees, a job at a national engineering firm and awards in his field. The val was from one of the poorer sections of town-her father was a janitor. One of the school’s golden boys-dad was a judge, also partied every single weekend, crashed his car drunk driving and got his GF injured in the process. </p>
<p>What people look like and if they’re from the “right” crowd or not doesn’t have a lot to do with reality.</p>
<p>It’s been brought up in this thread that you really have to know what you’re doing when you dye these colors. And you really do. You have to do the research. Especially on the dyes.</p>
<p>Different brands of these dyes work differently. Some brands don’t even give you instructions that work. The brand I used says to keep it on for 20-40 minutes. To get the dye to work the way I wanted, I actually dyed my hair for 8 to 9 hours. I slept in a shower cap of dye. Then washed it in freezing cold water. These are things I only knew I’d have to do because I watched the videos.</p>
<p>[hair</a> chalk - Google Search](<a href=“http://www.google.com/search?q=hair+chalk&hl=en&qscrl=1&rlz=1T4GGNI_enUS495US495&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=XyEBUrWcN_OLyQGC6YHwAQ&sqi=2&ved=0CGwQsAQ&biw=993&bih=685]hair”>http://www.google.com/search?q=hair+chalk&hl=en&qscrl=1&rlz=1T4GGNI_enUS495US495&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=XyEBUrWcN_OLyQGC6YHwAQ&sqi=2&ved=0CGwQsAQ&biw=993&bih=685)</p>
<p>go with the hair chalk…</p>
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<p>I don’t want my children to be evil, but a moral of your anecdote could be that people who look clean-cut more easily win the confidence of others and are not punished as much (if at all) for the same misdeeds as those who look sketchy. There was a book “Dress for Success” by Molloy in which he did experiments showing that even small differences in attire (such as the color of a raincoat) could make a large difference in how people are treated.</p>
<p>I have a 10 inch mohawk and I want to dye it purple. in fact my boss wants me to dye it too. I work computer IT.</p>
<p>Sax, hair chalking is really bad for your hair. It dries it out and then the color rubs off on EVERYTHING. Plus, you can’t use hair chalk for your whole head…</p>
<p>We live on the west coast and I see all kinds of styles here- from preppy to the opposite extreme. We have 4 kids ranging in age from 17 to 29, so I feel like I have seen a lot of varying styles, and over a range of years. I have to laugh when I read some of these comments equating looks and behavior. As I posted earlier, my daughter (a fraternal twin-they are now 29 so this was in the late 90’s/early 2000’s) cut her own hair, dyed it every color, had pierced eyebrow, lip, nose, etc. No tattoos, but her friends were heavily tattooed after age 18. She and her friends were model citizens- great grades, model UN, volunteered a lot, not partiers etc. Her twin brother was very clean cut, looked like the boy you would want your daughter to date- but you would not have wanted that! He barely scraped through high school, and I never knew what he would do next! (Fortunately, he matured and is now a working engineer!) </p>
<p>I have found that some of the more outlandish looking people I know are sometimes the most interesting. Creative, talented, well traveled and very accepting of others. I do understand that there is that 1st impression factor and that people are often judged by their appearances. My kids know that they may need to alter their appearances at times if they want to be considered for certain jobs. It’s a game they have to play at times to fit in.</p>
<p>I can’t imagine limiting my kids friends based on appearance. It seems as if it would be sending the wrong message. I am a product of the late 60’s/early 70’s as I’m sure many parents here are, and I remember the negative feedback we got regarding clothing and hair- styles that would be considered very mild today! I didn’t understand at the time why people would judge me based on my clothes, and I don’t understand it today.</p>
<p>Beliavsky, thanks for answering. My own children are grown. Every kid probably needs a different parenting style, but one thing I’ve discovered, that I wouldn’t have anticipated years ago, is it’s really important is to pick your battles. Allowing a child as much control as possible over their fashion choices, may make it easier when you have to insist on other rules for safety reasons. In many cases it may be impossible to control children’s choices and behaviors to the extent you seem to believe doable when I read your posts. I am sorry this is so presumptuous.</p>