<p>"people who look clean-cut more easily win the confidence of others and are not punished as much (if at all) for the same misdeeds as those who look sketchy. " </p>
<p>And that’s a FLAW, Beliavsky. The girl he attacked never said anything because she was certain no one would believe her because of who it was. I only know because we were close many years later. The fact is that a “sketchy” LOOKING person might be the one who would have treated her nicely and not been a threat.</p>
<p>There are many kinds of profiling. When people assume that unique styles, hair colors and jewelry equal “bad”, “unclean” and many of the other epithets I’ve seen on this thread, they are profiling. It’s no different from anyone assuming the clean-cut equals “good” and “drug-free” or good student" or “smart”. That these assumptions often exist does not make them right.</p>
<p>My experience has been much like cptofthehouse’s.</p>
<p>I think it is a very regional thing, perhaps.</p>
<p>Very few have outlandish hair color/style here, and piercings are not very common among honor students or even kids heading in a good direction.</p>
<p>Sure, clean cut kids can be druggies, bad people, whatever - anyone can! And good kids can have crazy hair. But at least here, crazy hair is not common, and most people that have it are attention seeking, which is typically viewed as a bit of a problem.</p>
<p>People who present themselves in unconventional ways will often swear up and down that it doesn’t matter, has no significance, has no impact on how others evaluate you, etc. If that’s the case, then why bother spending time and energy defending your choices or getting annoyed at people who won’t validate your day-glo hair, piercings, tats etc.?</p>
<p>It’s in one’s interest to have a good profile? No. Just no. I don’t live my life, dress myself, do my hair, or whatever because of what people will think of me. I do what makes me happy. What makes me feel good. Living to try to keep a good profile made me suicidal. </p>
<p>There are a lot of reasons I dye my hair. Mostly, it just makes me happy. But it also does wonders for my confidence, gives me a sense of control in a life where I feel I have little control, and is my way of cluing others into who I am. The purple is a way of saying, “I’m complicated.” It’s a way of saying I’m not what I appear to be. And that’s what a lot of people use it as. People use the color of their hair to express who they think they are. That’s why people will stick to a color for years. Someone in this thread said their daughter decided she was meant to be a redhead. Well, I feel like my hair should be purple right now. Purple as a color means a lot to me. This isn’t just a whim I took and went off and dyed my hair. I wanted it and I planned it and I researched it and then I finally did it. And I love it.</p>
<p>“If that’s the case, then why bother spending time and energy defending your choices or getting annoyed at people who won’t validate your day-glo hair, piercings, tats etc.?”</p>
<p>Because they shouldn’t HAVE TO, anymore than someone should feel ashamed for wearing sweatpants to the grocery store, or wearing cultural clothing, or having to straighten kinky hair, or whatever. I think it’s a shame that we’re held to made-up standards that are ever changing, except to those who believe theirs in the only way. In some countries, tattoos ARE normal, as are elaborate braided hairstyles, head coverings, etc. etc. In the US, men used to almost all wear beards, women all wore long dresses and bonnets. Showing one’s knees was considered SCANDALOUS, and short hair on women was considered something “loose girls” did.</p>
<p>So I don’t think much of judgements that purple hair or a tattoo sleeve means the wearer is deficient somehow.</p>
<p>If you are happy and self-confident in your presentation, then you needn’t care what others think.</p>
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<p>Conversely, some of the most interesting people I know have very conventional appearances. They do not feel the need to say “Look at meeee!!!” through their grooming and clothing choices.</p>
<p>Or, I should say, they earn attention rather than begging for it.</p>
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<p>People don’t have to justify their grooming choices. If you’re ashamed of something, like wearing sweats to the store, don’t do it. It just seems that there is a certain hypocrisy to the cultivation of a bizarre appearance hand in hand with militant defensiveness about it. Cultural clothing and natural hair are not in the same realm as hair dye and tatttoes. People don’t wear cultural clothing, etc. to express individuality but rather to express identification with a group.</p>
<p>My point was that what seems bizarre to YOU might not seem bizarre elsewhere. I’m sure there were people who thought the first girls wearing flapper dresses and short hair were screaming “Look at meee!” and that the first men who shaved off their beards or went without a jacket were “dirty” or “untrustworthy”.</p>
<p>Things change. People change, trends change. And what’s “right” in one country would be “wrong” elsewhere. What you wear on a daily basis would likely get you arrested in certain countries. In fact, there would be some wondering why you felt the need to dress so bizarrely.</p>
<p>sseamom, I think everyone knows that trends and rules of grooming and dress vary and are subject to change. People like what they like. If I don’t like someone’s hair or tats, oh well. De gustibus non disputandum. No one is going to get carted off to the Gulag for having pink hair.</p>
<p>Why a double standard? I don’t place appearance in the same category as words and actions. It takes little effort, talent, ability or creativity to merely look non-conformist. It’s the easiest, cheapest form of distinction available.</p>
<p>I don’t care what others think of me and my purple hair. I care about them generalizing about people and assuming that most people with a funky hair color are drug addicts who party, get drunk every weekend, whatever. These generalizations are harmful to our society in both that they create this image of what an addict is that leaves actual addicts to not get treatment quickly enough and that they punish people for just how they look.</p>
<p>I think the main thing that I find objectionable are the assumptions that are being made about people who made different choices with their appearances. I think it’s one thing to say, “I make assumptions about people who look a certain way but I always try to give people a chance and I understand that my assumptions are often not correct.” I can understand that ideas about what certain types of appearances mean are ingrained through years of socialization and media exposure, and sometimes we can’t help our gut reactions to certain things.</p>
<p>What I find troubling are those who seem to proudly declare that they discriminate based on appearances and that it’s well within their rights to do so. I find it so troubling because the assumptions on which these decisions are based are just not true for so many people that I know and care about. </p>
<p>I definitely know some people with bright hair and modifications that I would call attention seekers, and some of those people are definitely not on a good track in life. That said, many others are not like that at all and are model students, employees, and people. And while some may judge them for not choosing to have a more conventional appearance out of sheer pragmatism, I think a lot of us younger folks are of a generation where what was once taboo is now so commonplace it’s hard to imagine judging someone on that basis alone. From my perspective, my primary job experience comes from working as a resident assistant, a position that at my school seemed to employ a disproportionate number of unconventional looking students compared to the student body.</p>
<p>I understand what you’re saying, hyperJulie. But we all make snap impressions of people we meet. I might secretly not think too highly of someone’s tendency to wear, say, sweatpants with 'Pink" or “Juicy” across the rear or long acrylic nails (unhygienic–ugh), but I might also realize that this individual is not interested in impressing someone like me. She’s got a different preferred audience. Similarly, I would assume that someone with significant self-mutilations is not trying to be appealing to me or fit into my world. Some of these “outgroups” would judge each other; the big-haired tanorexic with stilettoes and claw-like nails is mocked by the hip college kids with tattoos and piercings. Judgement goes around all the time, everywhere. Much of it is age- and class-based. What seems to have changed recently is that middle-class kids want to self-present like rebels, yet still want the acceptance of their social class.</p>
<p>“Tanorexics” are mocked by everyone who isn’t “tanorexic”…</p>
<p>And please don’t call them self-mutilations. Self-mutilation is cutting, burning, purging, etc. Those things that people who are extremely depressed do specifically to harm themselves.</p>
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