Punky, Funky, Unnatural Hair Colors

Parent Cafe
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<p>" What seems to have changed recently is that middle-class kids want to self-present like rebels, yet still want the acceptance of their social class."</p>

<p>Ah, but “middle class” social norms are different depending on where you’re from. H’s Native Alaskan friend’s middle class youth was decidedly different from MY New England middle class youth. My AZ ultra-conservative middle class nephew’s youth is vastly different from that of my same-age youngest D. What is acceptable in each of those circles are not the same as the others.</p>

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<p>Serenity-some posters on other threads have made it clear that they think people with piercings and tattoos ARE mentally ill and ARE mutilating themselves. I don’t know if colored hair falls into that category or not.</p>

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<p>Goodness, please tell that can’t be true.</p>

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<p>I’m going to bite my tongue and not flip out. I will simply say that anyone who says a piercing is mutilation better not ever wear earrings of any kind. Maybe I’d understand if they said that they’re kinda hurting themselves but it’s not mutilation. I mean, I think people who use OTC medication for minor headaches are harming themselves but I’d never call it self-mutilation.</p>

<p>That was off topic but back on topic, hair is in my opinion the second best way to express yourself after your clothing.</p>

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<p>Do eyeglasses count as clothing? </p>

<p>Wow that sounds random…</p>

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<p>Technically. They’re a functional accessory like a purse.</p>

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<p>I suppose the purists about self expression and “look at me-itis” would have issues with eyeglasses beyond just the most basic, cheap frames. I get mine from a website where they start at $7 a pair so I have like 10 pair-some for reading, some for driving, some for sunny days…I’m sure those purple ones with wavy bows just scream “Look at meee!” far more than the tortoise shell ones I had as a kid…</p>

<p>Jade, are you sure you’re not my long-lost daughter? LOL.</p>

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<p>My black metal glasses with a red inside and styled to be similar in shape to “nerd” glasses are probably very “Look at me”.</p>

<p>Hehe. I’d say possibly but my mom has the scar from her C-section.</p>

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<p>"Conversely, some of the most interesting people I know have very conventional appearances. They do not feel the need to say “Look at meeee!!!” through their grooming and clothing choices. "</p>

<p>My point is, interesting people come in all kinds. Why would you limit yourself to meeting interesting people who only look more conventional? By doing so, you will definitely miss out on some wonderful people!</p>

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<p>This is a very judgmental thought. I understand the thought of attracting the “right” kids as I take care of my boyfriend’s 11-year-old like my own little brother (his parents are never around), but this just seems a bit close-minded to me.</p>

<p>You should never ever judge a book by its cover. </p>

<p>I /loved/ when adults judged me for having blue hair (or magenta or teal, when I dyed it those colors). I /loved/ it when adults got scared and was afraid of “how I turned out” and they didn’t want their kids to “be like me.” Why? Because it was so easy to tell them what and how much I have accomplished with my life despite how I was such a “bad kid.”</p>

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<p>You rarely meet white collar professionals (WCPs) such as doctors and financial analysts with piercings, tattoos, or unusually colored hair. My wife and I want our children to become WCPs, like ourselves. Therefore we want them to look the part and to associate with other children who do. Parents spend so much on college and come to sites like this to discuss how to get into college X in part because they want their children to be WCPs.</p>

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<p>Beliavsky: Thank you for that post. It helps me understand a little better where you are coming from. Neither raising white collar professionals nor getting them into a particular college was ever a parenting goal at my house. Like on the wedding etiquette threads, it seems we are all using the same basic vocabulary but mean very different things.</p>

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<p>I empathize, to a degree, with Beliavsky. I’m happy enough with whatever field my kids want to go into that will earn them a living. HOWEVER, I’d like for them to keep all options open. We’ve raised them to express themselves MORE with music, speech, activities, and only to a lesser degree physically. It makes it easier to “fit in” in almost any setting. It helps them keep options open, and we think it’s good training for life.</p>

<p>We would love for them to choose a WCP field, because we believe that’s where their talents will best be used (except for the oldest) and where they will be able to best provide for themselves and their families. These are the things we care about the most: Using your talents, being satisfied and reasonably happy with career choice, and being able to provide adequately for self and family.</p>

<p>In terms of appearance, at our house we were actualy sort of strict compared to a lot of our kids’ friends. We didn’t allow (for under 18):</p>

<ol>
<li> ANY hair color at all</li>
<li> ANY hair style that was extreme (mowhawk, faux-hawk, super-high spikes)</li>
<li> ANY tattoos</li>
<li> ANY piercing except ears</li>
<li> ANY skirts shorter than mid thigh</li>
<li> ANY shirts that show midriff or excessive cleavage</li>
<li> ANY shorts that don’t cover your rear when you bend over</li>
<li> Make up that was too extreme - SUPER dark/strange. They wore a lot of make up, but it had more of a cover-girl look.</li>
</ol>

<p>Physically, our girls often expressed themselves through shoes, and very stylish, but modest clothing, and very creative hair styles, different braids, make-up - all looks that would have looked fairly appropriate in any setting, and probably wouldn’t be offensive to most grandmas.</p>

<p>None of them WANT blue hair, or anything like that. Oldest is the most flamboyant. She likes cute cuts and natural color, with maybe one streak of something in her hair (not an office professional, probably never will be - would hate it!). Youngest would LOVE to go to a chestnut, highlighted look, and may do it when she gets the $$$$.</p>

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<p>People do, and always will, at least at first glance, evaluate and pigeonhole others by the controllable aspects of their self-presentation. That is why we have billion-dollar industries devoted to people’s concern for their looks. To complain about it is like expecting the sun to shine at night. We should make an effort not to judge people on aspects of appearance beyond their control such as racial characteristics, height, sex traits etc. Additionally, there are many people who are plain, who are disfigured by birth defects, marks, scars, injuries, hair loss, who do not have beautiful unmarred forms through no fault or choice of their own. But when it comes to clothes, hair color and style, makeup, ritual scarification (how’s that instead of “mutilation,” although it’s the same thing): these are all choices that convey a semiotic message within our own society that we should take some responsibility for. Of course standards change and vary, but they do exist in every culture and subculture. There is a time and place to dress to surprise or deceive others. It’s called Halloween. Otherwise, if you present yourself at least partly in order to “trick” strangers into prejudging you, then don’t be surprised or aggrieved at getting the reaction you seek. Either your self-presentation is a fun but essentially superficial mode of self-expression, in which case the judgment of others cannot really wound you, or it’s some very significant statement of your identity, either individual or collective, in which case you must accept that not everyone is going to be on board with the messages you may be sending, and you have made the decision that the benefit you derive is worth the potential downside of a stranger’s distaste. It’s the wanting to have your cake and eat it, to be all subversive and stuff while also wanting to be approved of, that is odd and recent.</p>

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<p>“to be all subversive and stuff while also wanting to be approved of, that is odd and recent.”</p>

<p>I don’t believe it’s new OR odd at all. If trends and accepted looks didn’t change, we’d still be wearing togas, or fig leaves, or something. There was a time when MEN wore the wigs, stockings and high heels. Women never cut their hair. Do you really think that we changed from these fashion trends without ANYONE wearing them and being judged for it as being “odd” or “subversive”? Of COURSE they were! And yet, society didn’t fall when men stopped wearing wigs and high heels…so just maybe, those standing in judgement were WRONG.</p>

<p>It sounds like what you really want here it for it to be ok to judge fashion outliers as unacceptable because it wasn’t always this way. You’re well within your rights to judge them however you like. But in the process, people who dismiss them as dirty, untrustworthy, and even mentally ill are likely missing out on getting to know some very fine young people. THAT’S what they, and some of us see as the fault in such judgements. I’m sure those who were repulsed by men who stopped wearing stocking and high heels missed out on some fine company too.</p>

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<p>Most doctors I’ve talked to have said they had their wild streak. I’ll bet more than you’d think have tattoos or had piercings or colored hair. The things some of your doctors did while they were in high school and college would probably scare you.</p>

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<p>Erase 1 and my parents have those same rules. Though they loosened the rules for the youngest. It initially was that you had to be 12 before you could dye your hair. Hers was dyed at 10.</p>

<p>The only actually strict rule is number 1.</p>

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<p>No. I just don’t have any particular sympathy for “fashion outliers” because they have the privilege of choosing their problems, such as they are. An unconventional appearance is not necessarily the sign of anything; not mental illness or criminality, but also not wit, tolerance or insight. Some of the most judgmental young people in my experience have been tattooed and pierced kids who express biting contempt for “frat boys” and people who wear Ed Hardy T-shirts. It just all depends on whose ox is being gored.</p>