<p>That is overly melodramatic. This is a family issue. Having been in similar shoes, its an understandable challenge. There is more to interacting with family (not cousins) than the rigid criteria. If we were to have stuck with the legal criteria, I could have legally kept a reasonable sum of cash that was in my and my dads name jointly. I could have also paid myself, as executrix, for some the time and expense I endured. I did neither. What is legally allowed and what one does to work with family can be very different.</p>
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<p>Those are the choices you chose to make for yourself and the estate as is your right. Also, your estate’s circumstances are likely very different. </p>
<p>SIL has the same right to make different choices based on her perceptions of her BIL’s conduct regarding the agreement and leveraging his position as executor of their mother’s estate to try strongarming her from what OP has relayed. </p>
<p>What I found out is family members like to take advantage of other family members in the name of family. In other words some are weaker than others , they are human.</p>
<p>We don’t know that the brother is “strongarming”. Thats pure conjecture. </p>
<p>Jym, you make a good lawyer. </p>
<p>Thanks, DrGoogle. Maybe in my next life…</p>
<p>^ ^ </p>
<p>I’d recommend re-reading OP’s first post where the implication is clear from his using his executor position to unilaterally decide and tell SIL he’ll deduct the entire remaining balance of the loan from her stipulated share and the sister wanted to continue with the original agreement. </p>
<p>Quite frankly, he shouldn’t be doing that as that directly conflicts with his duties as executor which is to ensure his mother’s assets are distributed to her heirs according to her wishes with what was her assets. So much for complying with his responsibilities to ensure his mother’s last wishes are being fulfilled. </p>
<p>His loan with his sister is a completely separate matter which should be dealt with separately, not mixed up together. </p>
<p>No, cobrat, the implication is not clear. You tend to perceive everyone with any potential power as nefarious, controlling, bossy, odious, you name it (insert the negative hostile descriptor of your choice). It pushes all your buttons. It might be advisable to read the OP with an open, neutral mind. As was said a few posts back, we are hearing this second or third hand. It is narrow minded if not a bit myopic to assume that the way it is written here is not tinged by the OP’s perception, just as your reaction is as well. An objective view of the situation says that the situations have changed, and a conversation between the siblings would be helpful. You see the brother as “strong-arming”. One could easily see the sister as heartless, unappreciative and selfish. To each his own.</p>
<p>The decision should lie solely with SIL on whether to accelerate re-payment of loan with proceeds from the joint account. Since the BIL formalized the loan with a legal document he really has made it a business transaction. He actually had a lawyer draw up an agreement to protect HIS rights and ensure repayment. So I don’t think he was relying on family relationships when he made the loan. I don’t see it as any different than if the SIL owed the money to a bank. A bank would not be able to make such a request nor could they lay any claim to the proceeds that are due her from the joint accounts. </p>
<p>So if SIL decides to accelerate repayment to preserve a relationship with her brother she is free to do that, but she certainly has no obligation to do so. I am not really sure there is an ethical obligation either. The loan benefited them both - BIL also wanted the cousins to attend the same college together and had a vested interest in them doing so.</p>
<p>Transactions between family members will never be the impersonal black and white scenarios that occur with financial institutions. There are emotions, a history and ever evolving relationships involved. This is a family and they should all act accordingly and try to come to a mutually satisfactory resolution that preserves all relationships. I’m sure the MIL would be very disheartened to know that her gift to her children is the cause of a rift in the family.</p>
<p>Sorry…maybe I missed this post, but did the OP ever confirm that her BIL has legally been appointed by the court as an executor?</p>
<p>Completely agree with my-3-sons. And of course its a business arrangement. But its a business arrangement between family members. I had to loan my dad a chunk of $ when he was having cash flow problems (my #%<em>&!$# brother refused to open his very well endowed wallet to help). Dad’s attorney (especially knowing my #%#&%</em>& brother) insisted he (the attorney) draw up a formal loan document to protect me. Yes, it is a business transaction, and especially with friends or family, having it in writing makes sense. Anyone who loans money without a formal written agreement is foolish and should consider it a gift.</p>
<p>Emotions really do not have a place in business transactions. This is the mistake people make when they enter into these sorts of arrangements with family members - they think the relationship should change the basic nature of the transaction. But it doesn’t - once an agreement is reduced to writing it is viewed as an “arms length” transaction and is treated accordingly. </p>
<p>If you want to make a “loosey goosey” loan to your sister based on a family relationship then do so - “here’s the $ pay me back when you can” sort of thing. But once you have a legal document governing the transaction, the terms are set and it is a business transaction.</p>
<p>sometimes when people help out friends or family, they aren’t as rigid in their thinking as that. I loaned a friend money once. We wrote up an agreement, which included a penalty for late payment, with payments due monthly. She got laid off and had some trouble with the payments. I could have charged her the late payment fee, but I didn’t. It wasn’t an arms length agreement. It was my friend. So I forgave the late payment component. She ultimately caught up and paid off the loan. And she was very appreciative. Just because a contract has terms in place, doesnt mean they have to be enforced to the letter if mutually agreed otherwise. Just because one can be cold hearted doesnt mean they should be.</p>
<p>Right, sometimes people decide like you did to be generous of spirit and modify the terms of the original agreement. But you had the choice of whether or not to do that and so should Op’s SIL.</p>
<p>So, as suggested, the sis and bro should sit down over a cup of coffee, understand it is an emotional time having just lost their parent, and hopefully be willing to be mutually sensitive to the request and needs of each other and hopefully come to a mutually agreeable compromise.</p>
<p>Yes, in an ideal world that would be a wonderful solution. But I am sure you have been around long enough to know that in many families that friendly coffee could just as easily end up in a brawl.</p>
<p>It could,but its worth a try. I could have stood my ground with my (%&_&*#% brother and kept all the money in the checking and savings accounts. But sometimes people do the right thing. Maybe they will. Maybe they wont, but I like to think that just maybe they will.</p>
<p>And I think that many attorneys, before running up bills and freezing the estate, might suggest the same thing- for the sibs to sit down first and try to talk out a compromise. We are talking about family. Not always the best time to be so rigid.</p>
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<p>I would agree this is a good suggestion provided BIL didn’t start unilaterally deciding to his use position as executor/administrator of their mother’s estate to decide to have SIL to accelerate repayment into one lump sum. </p>
<p>By doing that, I wouldn’t blame the sister for not being receptive after being strong armed like that. Moreover, I doubt BIL is receptive because he’s trying to force the issue based on what OP has conveyed and the tension which has resulted from BIL’s actions. </p>
<p>In short, the suggestion at this point is like trying to close the barn door after all the horses have escaped. </p>