<p>Yesterday I found out that one of my dad’s friends owns a small business in my academic area of interest. We were at a dinner party and my dad’s friend metnioned that he had an intern for the summer (in my major at a different school). After hearing that I got the idea to offer to intern (unpaid) remotely a few hours a week while at school (I go to college 150 miles away). I figure that this would give me good experience in my major and help me see if that is a possible career track I would want to pursue. Next semester I will have free Fridays and no classes Tuesday or Thrusday mornings, so that would give me plenty of free time to work. When I asked my parents about this they said it sounded like a good idea, but warned me that things might get complicated because he is a family friend. They were worried about things like if I weren’t able to meet his expectations, if he were to give me a ton of work in the middle of my exams, etc. that it would be a bad situation because he is a family friend.</p>
<p>I just had two questions about this:
Do any parents think it would be better to pursue research with a professor instead of working with my dad’s friend in my free time?
Do any of you parents have experiences/anechdotes about your kids or your/their friends where a college student interned with a family friend? Are there enough horror stories that I should reconsider looking at this option?</p>
<p>If you were graduating from college with a degree in that area of interest, perhaps using this connection to get your foot in the door to the field would be a good idea.</p>
<p>But you are still exploring. While this is an exploration for you, this is your family friend’s livelihood. Messing up on this might just be an “Oh well, I’m young and finding myself, I was busy, etc.”, but your messing up to this family friend and to your parents would cast a pall over their opinion for a LONG time.</p>
<p>You know yourself best, but I’m less worried given that you are offering to be an unpaid intern. I’d bring up your concerns with your Dad’s friends and set parameters. I’d write up some kind of a contract that allows either of you to walk away from the deal if it doesn’t seem to be working with no hard feelings (but also perhaps no letter of recommendation.) It can be hard to get that first foot in the door. Our son had a number of opportunities through family friends and/or business colleagues. We made it clear from our side that we would not take it amiss if things didn’t work out. Each time our son more than surpassed expectations and was able to get outstanding recommendations.</p>
<p>I think, if you make a deal with yourself that you are going to be the best and most reliable intern ever, that it’s not a bad idea and might turn into a really good thing. </p>
<p>If you think that because he’s a friend of your dad and it’s unpaid and doesn’t really count so you can goof off or quit part way through, then it’s not a good idea at all.</p>
<p>Only you know what you’d be getting into and what your personal work ethic for his projects would be.</p>
<p>I may be biased because I am about to terminate a (paid) intern who is more trouble than he is worth in terms of ignoring work rules and needing too much time off.</p>
<p>An internship with a family friend is often a good way to get a foot in the door. Is there any way you could “save” this internship for when you’re available to work in person – like maybe filling the summer intern spot next summer? Sometimes the value of an internship comes not only from the work (which you could do remotely) but also from dropping by his office to ask for advice, going to meetings with him, maybe meeting/networking with his clients. All those elements will be missing in a remote internship – you will have “used” up a favor and not derived those benefits, plus you will certainly run the risk of him giving you a lot of work during exams etc. It’s notoriously difficult to find internships after frosh and soph yr in college – it may be best to pursue this then, when you can give it your full attention. You may want to discuss this possiibility with him towards the end of this summer to see if he’d be interested in having you next summer, having you work remotely etc.</p>
<p>As for the relationship – once you get a foot in the door with a family friend, you have to treat it like any other internship where you don’t know the boss. Be professional, reliable, willing to work hard etc. and don’t think that you can ask for extra time off through the summer because he knows you. If possible, I’d keep your parents out of it entirely – don’t complain to them about work or anything so there won’t be any unspoken resentment if you end up having to work too much or don’t get great assignments or whatever.</p>
<p>Not sure of the details, but it seems like interning remotely for him would be more difficult to do well unless you had already spent some time in his business and understood how things work. You would also have an obligation to the relationship with your parents to go above and beyond normal expectations.</p>
<p>I think there’s another negative. I always ask how folks got a job or internship. If it comes out that it’s through friends of their parents, I discount any rec heavily. I don’t know if others do that, but I do. I figure a lousy rec–or just a mediocre one–will affect the friendship, so the friend is less likely to be completely honest.</p>
<p>In our case, one time the colleague wrote the letter. We didn’t see it originally, he sent it directly to the college, but later sent us a copy when it needed to be revised for a scholarship recommendation. He said up front how he knew our son, but then talked about how much faster and better our son had done the work than he had ever expected. The other letter I haven’t seen. My son worked for my brother’s company, but he’s not the boss. The boss wrote the letter.</p>
<p>D1 has a summer internship with a friend’s dad. He met her in HS, thought highly of her and offered her the job. She gets paid, it’s in her major field of study and she gets college credit for it. There has been no down side. It has also opened other doors for possible internships in the future. I firmly believe in networking. We have since become friends of the family who own the business.</p>
<p>Thanks for the responses. It seems like the large consensus is NO unless I do an amazing job (which is impossible to forsee).</p>
<p>I havn’t asked if there is a position yet and there is the whole issue if there is any work I would be able to do with my distance and time constraints. I got the idea of working remotely when I talked to a friend who was living in DC and working for a company in California this summer.</p>
<p>@ADad, I would probably be better off working with a professor because they would have more experience working with college students and I would probably benefit more by working with them. The only reason I was looking at working with my dad’s friend was because a bird in hand is worth two in the bush. If I could do equally meaningful work with him or with a professor during the school year I’d rather get something guaranteed rather than going to school and not finding a professor in my area of interest who is willing to take interns.</p>
<p>So, all else equal, you seem to feel it would be better to intern for a professor on campus. </p>
<p>Would you consider inquiring at school now (or, if that proves to be impractical, promptly when you return to school)–and if that doesn’t work out by, say, a reasonable date in September, then asking your dad’s friend?</p>
<p>^That would probably work best. I’m not sure about contacting professors now because it’s two months till school starts and it feels a little early to be asking about research positions.</p>
<p>Venkat … when I talk about doing a good job as an intern, I’m not talking about producing work expected from someone with 5 years experience. I am talking about doing what you say you will do when you say you will do it. That’s not really that hard … it honestly isn’t that hard … but I am finding it’s a rarity, enough so that I would be very impressed by a young person who shows some grit and determination and follow through.</p>
<p>I also don’t like the whole remote intern thing. I think it will be hard to do a good job, you won’t get face to face feedback, you will miss opportunities.
I have a college age intern now who is a friend of my college age son. My son is at his college this summer and this student is home so it is working fine. I’m not sure it would work as well if my son were home…It is easier to separate the business and friendship because of the circumstances.</p>