Question about Tiger mom (or dad) parenting?

Parent Cafe
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<p>Maybe this has been discussed before but I was just wondering, does anyone believe that “Asian style” parenting (sorry I know Im stereotyping; I don’t know how else to put it) tends to be more heavily focused on boys then girls.</p>

<p>Im asking this because after reading articles about Amy Chua and her parenting style I can honestly say I have never had an asian female friend with parents anything like that. However, I know lots of Asian guys that have parents just like that (okay maybe not that extreme but similar). I’m not saying Asian parents aren’t strict with their daughters but they give them much more leeway (i.e. grades must be good but not insanely good, parties are okay, get into a good college but it doesn’t have to be harvard)</p>

<p>I know in countries like South Korea if a guy doesn’t have a job after college its like really bad (like 10x worse than in the states) and sometime they’re even shunned by their families so maybe thats why. However, I think this is less common nowadays but I know it still happens especially if the family is traditional. </p>

<p>Anyone with a similar experience?</p>

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<p>What is tiger parenting and who is Amy Chua?</p>

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<p>[Why</a> Chinese Mothers Are Superior - WSJ.com](<a href=“Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior - WSJ”>Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior - WSJ)
Amy Chua is a self-promoting nut job who is even competitive about her dog, and I have seen all stripes of parents among Asians for both genders.</p>

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<p>I actually read the book because I have always been fascinated with Asian parenting. I do not believe that you actually read the book because it’s more about her struggles to raise a Chinese child which didn’t completely work out. Amy Chua really did love her children and family unconditionally. And she tried at the beginning to train her dog but gave up so that statement is not true. I do which that my parents did inforce some type of Asian parenting.</p>

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<p>Yes there are parents that raise their girls that way. I’ve seen it more frequently in Indian girls.</p>

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<p>What is google?</p>

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<p>@ Pi12345 - I did read the book, and and I know plenty of Asian faculty and staff at Yale, which is where she works, who think she’s crazy. And she did actually want her dog to be the best. She does describe a style of parenting that is likely followed by many Asians, but carries it to an unhealthy extreme, even if she’s caricaturing herself for the sake of readership.</p>

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<p>I don’t want to divulge from the topic (I should have posted a clearer title): </p>

<p>Maybe this has been discussed before but I was just wondering, does anyone believe that “Asian style” parenting (sorry I know Im stereotyping; I don’t know how else to put it) tends to be more heavily focused on boys then girls.</p>

<p>Im asking this because after reading articles about Amy Chua and her parenting style I can honestly say I have never had an asian female friend with parents anything like that. However, I know lots of Asian guys that have parents just like that (okay maybe not that extreme but similar). I’m not saying Asian parents aren’t strict with their daughters but they give them much more leeway (i.e. grades must be good but not insanely good, parties are okay, get into a good college but it doesn’t have to be harvard)</p>

<p>I know in countries like South Korea if a guy doesn’t have a job after college its like really bad (like 10x worse than in the states) and sometime they’re even shunned by their families so maybe thats why. However, I think this is less common nowadays but I know it still happens especially if the family is traditional.</p>

<p>Anyone with a similar experience?</p>

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<p>Do a search on this forum. There was a lengthy thread about this topic already. </p>

<p>I’m hoping someone can post the link to that thread here…it will save all of us having to rehash the same old stuff over again.</p>

<p>Also, is there any reason why you posted all of your OP again?</p>

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<p>I think because the OP’s question isn’t really being answered. The question isn’t what we think about it or whether or not it’s true but whether it’s more common to have this kind of parenting with boys rather than girls.</p>

<p>I was hoping people would give their opinion because I’ve never thought about it, but now that OP has raised the question, I am curious, too.</p>

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<p>This one, with 1800+ posts? <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1064027-battle-hymn-tiger-mother-new-book-about-chinese-parenting.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1064027-battle-hymn-tiger-mother-new-book-about-chinese-parenting.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

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<p>Just to add a little bit of clarification: Of my Asian friends with somewhat westernized parents, its basically the same for both genders. However, for more traditional parents, I feel Asian parents are harder on boys (maybe not a lot but noticeably).</p>

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<p>bump: :slight_smile: any opinions? </p>

<p>p.s. sorry about the really bad title LOL</p>

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<p>the few tiger-like parents I know are equal opportunity over-the-top parents … they also come from multiple ethnic backgrounds.</p>

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<p>With my son’s classmates, I saw the pressure and expectations applied to the girls and boys equally. Regardless of gender, everything was magnified if said child was an “only” child.</p>

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<p>I won’t claim to be a tiger parent, but I will admit to trying to procure the most suitable education for my kids that I could beg borrow or steal, & that included going on many private & public school tours & open houses.
This was primarily for my oldest and started when she was a toddler for co-op preschools ( not quite 30 years ago) I did notice that in many instances more parents were looking for their sons rather than their daughters, although the programs themselves were balanced boys/girls.</p>

<p>Although she was ( really hate this word) gifted, I wasn’t looking for the most accelerated program, but one that was flexible enough to adapt to the students interests and abilities.
She attended a grade school for example that had class sizes small enough to have three grades in the room, but what grouping they were in depended on the activity not on their age.</p>

<p>Parents of boys, may have been looking at those programs for the same reason I was, to help their child have a successful experience- mainly continuing to enjoy learning. Neither h or I did very well in school - I dropped out of high school)</p>

<p>All the tours were necessary because schools varied so much. When I observed the gifted classroom for our neighborhood, they were working on handwriting.
It was so excruciating that I needed a cigarette when I finally left & I don’t smoke!
( everyone sat in traditional rows of desks with their eyes on the overhead. Hands in lap. They weren’t allowed to pick up their pencil before teacher instructions.)
The same school was also disciplining a very little girl by making her sit out in the hall by herself. She was still there when I finally left.:(</p>

<p>A parent of an active boy would probably find that school as unsuitable as I did, despite the " accelerated" program. Hence the increased interest in other options.</p>

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<p>If anything, it was worse for girls. Academically, it was about the same. However, there seemed to be an even greater effort to restrict girls’ friendships to others of the same ethnicity.</p>

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<p>The idea that boys are ridden more than girls is certainly not true in my extended family…whether it’s families who are more “old world” or Americanized. If anything, the female cousins tended to be driven harder, on average, from what I’ve seen…and their college admissions, academic records, and subsequent careers bore this out. </p>

<p>Vast majority of the female cousins ended up at elite universities or highly respected state honors college and excelled consistently in HS and undergrad. In contrast, fellow males like myself ran the gamut from HYPSMCC to lower-tiered state universities. Our HS/college academic performances also ran the gamut from excelling consistently to floundering badly*. I was a mixed case as I floundered badly in HS while excelling in college.</p>

<p>Also, while my parents were more strict on academic expectations than most of my aunts/uncles…especially on the professional/engineering side of the family, no one went to the absurd lengths of Amy Chua. </p>

<p>After chatting a bit about the buzz of her book, one Asian-American academic** I have known for a while said Chua’s book is really American style helicopter parenting taken to absurd extremes with some Asian exotification thrown in for marketing purposes. </p>

<p>Also, FYI, this type of parenting is not strictly “Asian”. I knew of many families of different ethnicities who practiced similar parenting ranging from Jewish-Americans to African-American/Latino parents. </p>

<p>One Latino father of a childhood friend/elementary school classmate was insanely strict by treating his son similar to many Marine boot camp recruits he used to train as a Marine Drill Sergeant at Parris Island before he retired after 20+ years in the Corps. </p>

<p>Once, he even punished his then 8 year old son for causing a commotion in our 4th grade class by having him do push ups and runs while he’s yelling about his transgression of the day in a public park. Even my strict-leaning father felt that was too much and over-the-top…and he himself had to undergo military training during college and serve his mandatory 2 years in the ROC(Taiwan) Army in the 1950’s when they had concerns of an imminent Communist invasion. </p>

<p>He also wasn’t too thrilled when his son failed to make it to any Service Academies or elite universities and ended up going to a lower-tiered private college on an Army ROTC scholarship. </p>

<ul>
<li>Anything borderline 3.0 or lower.<br></li>
</ul>

<p>** Wasn’t raised in the “Tiger mode” at all…and was HYPSMCC for all undergrad and grad degrees. Very mellow and down-to-earth though there’s no hiding the extreme intellectual brilliance.</p>