<p>My 8th grade s wants to drop out of jazz band–which is an extra-curricular that meets twice a week in the morning before school. If it met after school, he’d love it, but he’s not a morning person and he really hates getting up in the dark–particularly in the winter. He would still have band as a class every day so we’re not talking about him giving up music all together, and once he’s at the high school jazz band can be taken as a class when you’re a sophomore. </p>
<p>I feel like as a parent it’s my job to make him do things he doesn’t enjoy–spending more than 5 seconds brushing his teeth; studying for tests; showering every day. Is this one of those things I should be pushing? How important is it? Would you mind driving him there for me? :)</p>
<p>Our rule for any extracurricular is that once our kids have signed up, they are in for the season/year/whatever the length of the original commitment is. It isn’t fair to their teammates/bandmates to drop out, and is character building for them to stick with it once they committed. (Same is true for parents, you committed to driving him knowing perfectly well what time it starts )</p>
<p>Once that commitment is over, they are free to drop out before the next cycle begins (they rarely do, of course).</p>
<p>This has struck a good balance for our kids between making them stay forever in activities they don’t enjoy, and teaching them that they need to finish what they start. So I would make him stick it out for this year, and then decide next year whether to sign up again.</p>
<p>This post brings back memories. My two youngest were in jazz band in middle school.
They loved it - the director was fantastic. Because so many kids were in sports and other EC’s they would practice in the evenings - after games. Those were crazy nights they would not get home until 8:30 or 9 pm.
A new director came on board and moved practice to before school and half the kids quit. I think he ended up bribing them with doughnuts etc.</p>
<p>back to the dilemma - did your son know it would be before school when he signed up? have his friends quit? I could see if the director changed the practice time and the terms of participation. But if your son knew it would be before school then compromise. Tell him to wait until the first performance or end of first quarter etc, before you discuss it again.
Then bribe him by buying him breakfast on the way!</p>
<p>sorry I can’t drive him myself - my driving days are over! ;)</p>
<p>It’s the beginning of the school year. I don’t see the problem in letting him drop out. Even if your S knew of the time before he signed up, the reality of having to get up so early may not have hit him until he had to start doing this. At his young age, he doesn’t have the wisdom about himself that an adult would have.</p>
<p>His leaving the group so early in the year isn’t likely to hurt it. It’s not like he’s leaving just before a concert.</p>
<p>Anyway, if he needs lots of sleep (and kids often need far more sleep than they get), it probably would be better for him to get the sleep so he can be awake enough to do well in his academics, which are the things that really count.</p>
<p>I had to get up early in high school to be in orchestra, but although I’ve never been a morning person, I didn’t mind – because I loved orchestra. Obviously, your kid doesn’t love jazz band that much, so I think you should allow him to drop it.</p>
<p>^^^This kid needs tons of sleep. He slept 12 hours a night, every single night of summer. My oldest is the same way. I often joke that we’re part Irish/part sloth. </p>
<p>He did know it would be before school when he signed up–but I had helpfully(and wrongly) told him that it would be starting later than last year. I definitely talked him into it–and I wouldn’t have done that if I’d known it was going to start as early as last year.</p>
<p>While I do admire those who stick to the “If you start something, you finish it.” philosophy, I’m not consistent in practicing that. I did not let him quit jazz band last year when it was freezing and miserable to get up so early. I said we should bribe ourselves with bagels. I didn’t let him quit because I felt he would be leaving his band teacher hanging without a bass player. I have let them quit other things though. I tend to take it on a case-by-case basis. I let my youngest quit flag football when the coach did too much screaming and swearing.(he was 7! I’m reminded of a poster my ds found online that showed a bunch of tennis balls on one side of the net and it said,</p>
<p>“Quitters never win. Winners never quit. But if you never win and you never quit, then you’re an idiot.” </p>
<p>I also remember reading something that said successful people are not successful because they make better decisions; they are successful because they make more decisions. They are more likely to re-evaluate decisions as they go and to change course more frequently. Then again, Jim Gaffigan said something like, “What do you call those jerks that like to get up early? Oh yeah, successful.” </p>
<p>I’ll be interested to see what he says about it after school.</p>
<p>Do the parents here stick with clubs, etc. for a year after they sign up for them? I know that I don’t. If I find out that I don’t like a club or other activity, I drop it. Unless I’ve made a very clear commitment to it like agreeing to be an officer for a year, if I don’t like an activity, I don’t force myself to continue doing it for an entire year. Life is too short to have hobbies that aren’t fun.</p>
<p>I’d just make sure there’s not some super-duper perk that he might miss out on. My kid’s school did a trip to the White House one year, played at City Hall, and one year to Disney. I wouldn’t want a miserable kid later who missed out. Otherwise, the sleep issue is huge.</p>
<p>^^^ oh no, this band is not going anywhere. The city high school in town has an amazing band and they go all sorts of places, but not us. I think there are little perks, like maybe they visit the elementary schools one day which means they’re excused from school for a day. </p>
<p>I like the band teacher very much. He’s a very nice guy, but he’s not particularly engaging or charismatic so I don’t think he inspires a lot of enthusiasm. </p>
<p>And yes, the sleep issue is huge. In fact, that’s why I’m still hanging out on CC instead of being productive–because I didn’t get my nine hours so I’m droopy. Must. Have. Caffeine.</p>
<p>And no, Northstar, I definitely don’t stick with something that I don’t enjoy. People say life is too short and it’s just a cliche–but it’s also true. We all have a finite amount of minutes. I’m not going to spend those minutes reading a book I hate for a book club I don’t enjoy!</p>
<p>Missing sleep could be crucial, to the point where it will affect his schoolwork. Boys need a lot of sleep from age 14-17.</p>
<p>I don’t see the problem in dropping something that isn’t his primary interest. What I used to do is insist that the kid handle it entirely on his own, especially talking to the leader or coach. Sometimes, this was enough to make him rethink the situation.</p>
<p>^^^Ah, that was timely advice, my fellow midwesterner!</p>
<p>I was just thinking maybe I should e-mail the band teacher to see how the morning went, but I should probably leave it alone and just talk to ds.</p>
<p>I don’t think a parent should stick to hard and fast - “you must never quit” rules.<br>
I do think kids of this age need to take responsibility for their decisions. I agree that he should be the one to talk to the director and tell him why he is quitting.</p>
<p>My kids didn’t quit much. The would ask if they could quit or whine about having to go but I would always tell them - go talk to the coach/advisor/director and tell them why you are quitting. That was the proof as to whether or not this was just “whining” or if they really wanted to quit.</p>
<p>Given that it is the beginning of the year, I think it is OK to let him quit. I’ve encouraged my kids to try a few different activities at the beginning of the year, to see what they like and want to stick with.</p>
<p>OTOH, in 7th grade my D decided that she wanted to quit after-school band 3/4 of the way through the year, but I wouldn’t let her and told her that she had to finish out the year. She chose to not participate in band in 8th grade, which I was fine with.</p>
<p>Let him quit. It’s still really early in the year, and you admit that you “talked him into it.” It’s not worth the arguing and loss of sleep. If he still likes it, he’ll take it up again in h.s. And if he whines in h.s. that “I would do jazz band but I’m too far behind all the other kids” remind him whose decision it was to quit in 8th grade (his!).</p>
<p>I like JustAMomOf4’s advice. When our son was in 4th grade he participated in fall baseball. He enjoyed playing and liked the coach very much, but the games ended quite late, sometimes at 10 pm. It was too late for him, and he was tired. He wanted to stop playing, so we told him to tell his coach and explain it to him. He did, and the coach was very understanding. I agree with the other parents who mentioned that is is early in the year, well before any concerts. So I would vote for allowing him to quit, but he has to handle this problem by speaking to the teacher himself.</p>
<p>You might check into how band works at your high school. In order to be in the jazz band at our school you must participate in marching band (I know all schools are not like this, but some are). Marching band for my kids is EARLY IN THE MORNING. They have to be on the field, ready to play by 7 a.m. every morning for the first 6 weeks of school or so.</p>
<p>helenback, my S2 loved jazz band in 7th grade when they practiced during the school day…don’t rememeber exactly how that was worked out. Then in eighth grade, it was switched to before sch. He balked. He too is a sleepaholic. I talked him into it “oh, it’s only 40 minutes earlier”.
He still hated it. I let him quit. He was growing tired of reg. band too but did finish out the school yr. in that. He never had any intentions of doing h.s. band.</p>
<p>My kid would have gotten up at 4 a.m. if that had been when Jazz Band rehearsed. He loved it and he would have readjusted the sleep thing if that had been an issue. </p>
<p>If your kiddo loved Jazz Band, he would adjust to the time. If he doesn’t want to make that adjustment, then I’d let him drop it. It sounds like it’s not a top priority for him.</p>
<p>O.K. Now it gets more tricky. He came home after school and I was prepared to say,“Quit if you want. You said you didn’t want to do it because it was so early and I talked you into it with false information.” </p>
<p>Before I could get that out he said,“About jazz band, don’t pay attention to what I say in the morning. No matter what I say, just get me up. Once you get me there I’m fine. I just need you to wake me up.” </p>
<p>But this is what he said last year, and he wanted to quit multiple times throughout it. </p>
)</p>