<p>ok, i don’t necessarily want to spread all my business out there, but i could do with a bit of insight from some other parents. </p>
<p>i’m a senior girl now who is planning to go away for college. as if that weren’t stressful enough, i had a pretty bad bout with an eating disorder my freshman and sophomore year so my mom is freaking out (understandibly) about my living without “proper” supervision for the first time. i haven’t had a relapse, but there is always the threat of that happening.
does anyone have any suggestions as to how i could help my mom calm down? i know nothing can completely take away the fear, but is there anything i could do to make her feel remotely better?</p>
<p>Have you spoken to her about this? If you acknowledge her fear and tell her you recognize the threat, but that you’re concerned about it too so you’re also watching for the signs – perhaps that will help her realize that you’re mature enough to take care of yourself. Or, at least, mature enough to recognize when you might need some help.</p>
<p>If it’s my daughter, I would find a good doctor for her by her school, and have her see the doctor on a regular basis - maybe once a month. It would give me a peace of mind that the stress of college wouldn’t cause a relapse.</p>
<p>Now, that’s what would make me feel better, not necessary for your mom. Maybe you and your mother need to sit down to discuss what it would take for her to feel comfortable. There is nothing you could do to take away her fear other than staying healthy everyday. I think your mother also knows that she will not be able to keep you around forever. Unfortunately, she is going to worry a lot and you will just need to call her often to let her know that you are ok.</p>
<p>Are you/were you seeing a therapist? If yes, could you, your mom and the therapist together discuss ways to address your mom’s concerns? It would seem that a therapist would have had considerable experience addressing this problem.</p>
<p>yes, i’ve definetely talked with my mom about it but probably not as much as i should.
i was seeing a therapist and havent for maybe a year now, but i’m definetely willing and open to seeing if there is a therapist on campus or nearby as a means of resorting to help.</p>
<p>The college health center would be a good place to start. They might not be able to advertise the help because of limited funds. They might not have the funds to do outreach but have the funds to help students who come to them. Good luck.</p>
<p>When looking at colleges, make sure they have good counseling and resource centers. Even though you haven’t been seeing a therapist for the past year, the transition to college can be stressful, you’ll be around a lot of new girls who may have body concerns, and you’ll be controlling your own eating without supervision at the dining halls–I’d suggest thinking about seeing a therapist or counselor at the school during the transition, every other week or whatever you feel comfortable with. After that if you feel good you may want to just go every month or two months. I think your mom would feel better if she knew you had plans to see someone. She would also probably feel better if she sees that you’ve thought about this and added it into your school considerations. You can always contact your schools’ counseling centers and ask about their services now or once you’re accepted.</p>
<p>There must be support groups for parents of kids with eating disorders. Lord knows, there are enough of them (kids and parents) out there.</p>
<p>Eating disorders have never been an issue with my daughter, but they have been with several of her friends, in some cases quite a serious issue. They’re all going to college far from home, so their parents all made peace with that one way or another. (They all seem to be doing fine, by the way.) However, we live in a community where going away to college is definitely the norm, and where keeping a child home would be very radical.</p>
<p>Anyway, I’ve never discussed this question with any of the relevant parents, but it’s a good question, and I assume that it has kept some of them up at night sometimes. Sharing her fears with other parents, and talking with them about how they’ve coped with similar concerns, might help your mother approach things constructively and rationally.</p>
<p>college health centers are a good place to start. The college may also have some support group (s) for students with eating disorders. Let your mom know that you will check them out and will be ready to contact them if there is the possibility of a relapse. The best thing, if you have not applied ED/EA, is to wait until April and check out the resources available at the colleges you are interested in.</p>
<p>I agree with everyone about the importance of having a therapist and other support available to you on campus if needed. And, before you leave, I would also consider seeing your former therapist (assuming you were satisfied with her/him), possibly once or twice without your mom, but also once or so with your mom. Seeing an experienced person with whom you have a proven record of therapeutic progress could imo help both you and your mom plan and prepare beforehand for your move to college. The therapist’s experience with other kids in college can be shared with your mom and perhaps offer her a greater sense of safety and comfort about your move.</p>
<p>A parents’ support group would also be a great idea, if your mom would be willing and one is available in your area. Such a group could provide your mom with ongoing support before and, especially, during, your absence. If one is not available locally, perhaps you can find something similar online for her to consider.</p>
<p>I agree with marite about not contacting schools until you have been accepted. I would even prefer to get a private doctor or support group outside of school. I think ADad is right about having your mom join a parents’ support group.</p>
<p>You will be fine - all colleges have incredible counselors available 24/7. My daughter went to college with eating problems. The college really helped her although she was in a private counseling group at the same time. What is hard is that, as I am sure you know, parents cannot get involved through the college. It is up to you. And this is hard on a parent. So you should assure your Mom that you know you have the support, if needed, and you would call them and see them. By the way, our daughter is going great! And she is graduating in May. Wow!</p>
<p>Something simple and practical - get a webcam for your PC and let your Mom actually get to see you every week or so. It’ll not only reassure her but it’ll be kind of fun and make the distance seem not so far.</p>
<p>For you, it’s very important to understand that it’ll now be up to you to watch out for number one (yourself). You’ll need to be vigilant and perseptive regarding your own health, both physical and mental, and make sure you take care of any problems. It’s part of the maturing process.</p>
<p>The webcam is an excellent idea. Also, can you help your mother get set up with and use an instant messenger program, if she doesn’t already have it? If she knows that she will have several avenues of communication with you available to her (email, IM, cell phone, webcam) it will help to reassure her.</p>
<p>I’m currently actually struggling w/ recovering from an ED myself… andd all I can say is make sure you keep up excellent communication. And congrats for not relapsing— I know how powerful ED’s can actually be.</p>
<p>And, from experince, parents are always going to worry especially about college. Just keep up good communication, check into seeing a therapist or a dietician regularly while you get started, and just honestly try your hardest to take care of yourself && to reach out for help if you feel yourself slipping back.</p>
<p>PM me if you ever have any questions or need anything. I don’t have any experience going away to college (I’m only a junior), but I’m always here</p>
<p>As a parent, I like the web cam idea too. And I’d want pretty much daily contact (but I’m very close with my children and I’d hope for that anyway - I’m not talking about hour long conversations or letter long emails…just a couple of minutes to know they were “ok”). Also having a resource for counseling at the college would be very good - at least you would know, in advance, who to go to if you felt yourself needing to talk with someone.</p>
<p>Keep in mind that freshman year of college is very stressful (new living arrangments, new social life, new school, new demands with academics) - it can be exhausting. If you feel yourself getting stressed, recognize it for what it is and get the help you need to cope with it (talking with a counselor, calling home, treating yourself right - perhaps writing in a journal would help too.) </p>
<p>Sounds like you are on the right path for success by thinking about these things in advance.</p>
<p>Once you decide on a college, you might check with your former therapist for referrals. Many professions are are really “small worlds”, it is very possible that your therapist has met or heard of other ED therapists near your college.</p>