<p>You are missing the whole point. If you want to get places, you will have to drive or take public transportation. There is no other option unless you want to walk.</p>
<p>Nobody needs to have sex. In my opinion, I think sex is really overrated. I love spending time with my girlfriend without having sex. I love just kissing and hugging her. Is there really anything wrong with that?</p>
<p>Like I stated before, we are not having sex because of our religion, but because we don’t want to have kids. We know of so many of our high school and college classmates who thought they were being careful having sex, but they ended up having a child. Their lives changes drastically. They had to drop out of college, find a job, and raise a baby. No way do we want to do that at 22 years old. Maybe in 8-12 years, but definately not now.</p>
<p>If you don’t enjoy sex, of course that’s fine and of course there is nothing wrong with that. You and your girlfriend should do whatever makes you happy. But you need to keep in mind that for most people sex is just as psychological necessary as driving is economically necessary. </p>
<p>Also, as an aside, pregnancy termination is 100% effective.</p>
<p>You made the original statement that “nobody needs to have sex.” This is technically true (ie, people will not die from lack of sex alone), however people will also not die from lack of transportation. In fact, humanity has gotten along just fine for centuries without mechanical transportation, in spite of the facts that the risks of cars are greater than the risks of sex. Humanity could (by definition) not survive more than two generations without sex. It is biologically programmed into us, and the need to reproduce favored by evolution moreso than any other need on the spectrum of human experience. All other needs (the need to eat, drink, move, etc) are done only because they facilitate sex. If genes in humans could reproduce in different way, the sex instinct would be irrelevant – but they can’t and it isn’t. </p>
<p>While people deprived of sex will not die from it, it can cause sever psychological disorders (the least of which being depression and anxiety) just like people deprived of cars would endure economic hardships.</p>
<p>There are tightrope walkers who never fall off the wire. There are teenagers who repeatedly sleep in the same bed and don’t have sex. But just because somebody can do it doesn’t mean that most people can do it, even with best intentions. There should be a safety net available, no matter how confident you are that you won’t slip.</p>
<p>If that’s the case, then it should be pretty simple for you to find these studies on google scholar for us skeptics here. </p>
<p>Your claims are entirely worthless unless substantiated by proof. It has about as much value as me saying “Every psychological study done on the subject shows that men who have frequent sex are much more likely to beat their wives.” It may or may not be true (probably not), but unless you provide your sources my statement has just as much merit as yours in terms of this argument. </p>
<p>As for my opinion, I think sex can be a healthy part of a relationship, but what is healthy for me and you might not be the case for someone else. For instance, if someone experiences a crippling anxiety due to fear of pregnancy, maybe it isn’t so healthy for that particular person to pursue a sexual relationship.</p>
<p>I think it’s kind of ironic that in a subforum full of people who have been married for a long time, some are claiming that it’s impossible to sleep with somebody without having sex with them.</p>
<p>In all seriousness, though, if both parties are agreed about the reasons for it and the importance of it, it should not be that hard to pull off, especially since we’re talking about visits and not living together. Sex drive is powerful, but it’s far from uncontrollable. (I notice that it’s usually women, not men, who insist that men can’t control themselves.)</p>
<p>I also don’t think it’s necessary for the OP to lie to her mom about this. There are times when there’s no good alternative to a lie, but this isn’t one of them. The best answer is a truthful one: “Mom, it’s none of your business.”</p>
<p>It’s actually too bad more young people don’t have your attitude and self control. It would prevent unplanned pregnancies, abortions, and many other problems that result when young people have sex but are not ready or capable of being good parents. Let’s do acknowledge, however, that it would be foolish for two people to sleep together without intentions of having sex if they do not have identical abilities of self control or similar sex drives. No matter what the intentions, if either has a strong sex drive, this is just asking for trouble.</p>
<p>I do have a question for you. If you and your girlfriend decide to marry but feel strongly about putting off having children for 3 or 4 years, will you remain abstinent for all that time, considering that only abstinence is 100% effective?</p>
<p>As for OP’s question -
First, she did not ask us whether she should or should not sleep in the same bed with her boyfriend. She and BF resolved this question by themselves just fine in a way that works for them perfectly well so far.</p>
<p>Her question to us was whether or not to tell her mom about it.</p>
<p>I think that when parents ask their adult children invasive personal questions, they “ask” for being lied to. If the mom does not understand that her prying is inappropriate, there is no way she will respond well to the truth in this situation, and there is no reason that the OP should subject herself to the drama that will surely ensue. </p>
<p>The only reason for the OP to “come clean” in this situation, imho, is to establish proper boundaries and tell the mom that from now on the OP’s decisions on sleeping arrangements are no one’s business but hers. But it is up to the OP to decide if the fight is worth it.</p>