Questions about moving

Parent Cafe
1

<p>Sorry to turn it into a theme, but, I’m very curious and would really like to know - everyone who has made a major long distance move as a mid-career or even late-career adult:</p>

<p>Did you make your decision quickly, or did you visit the target city frequently, and study it and look at it from all viewpoints before deciding? If you made it quickly, just how quickly? Has anyone moved anywhere sight unseen? In addition to career and family, what were the deciding factors? Does it really take 2-3 years to feel at home in the new city? Did anyone make a major move optimistically and hate it or regret it? If so, what did you do - if you stayed, did it eventually get better? </p>

<p>Did the reverse ever happen to anyone - for example, did anyone move to a new city, not really wanting to but fell in love with it once there?</p>

<p>Last, If you could move today, what criteria (again in addition to career and family) would you use to choose a new city, and why?</p>

2

<p>Many of my new clients have recently moved into the area. I always ask what prompted the move and how they like it. As a result of this unscientific sample, I will make the following obvious generalization: The majority of those who chose to move are happy here. The ones who had to move due to a forced company relocation are miserable and homesick.</p>

<p>I made my major move early in my career. I extensively researched the demographics of the area for my business, made a few scouting trips and took the plunge. It was very exciting at the time and worked out well.</p>

3

<p>I have moved multiple times due to H’s PCS moves. Never got to pick it, it was chosen for us. :slight_smile: Sometimes we have moved onto a base, other times onto the economy. </p>

<p>What I do as an mom to get situated is to research school systems before I move. This helps us to decide if we want to live on or off post. I also signed up the kids for something immediately after we get to our new area so they could meet locals right away.</p>

<p>What I do for me as an individual is to contact both my college alumni association and my national sorority’s alumnae association. I have been able to network locally through the sorority for every move we have made. The college group has only worked when we happened to be near a major metropolitan area.</p>

<p>Even when we have moved into a civilian community without the immediate support of like-ranked neighbors, we are all assimilated within a couple of weeks.</p>

<p>Once we retire and the kids are out of hs, my criteria will be low taxes, warm climate and near (w/in 20 miles) a decent-sized city. Our first assignment was near Louisville, KY. I wasn’t too sure about it in the beginning but I was terribly sad to go by the end. It’s been 15 years since I lived there but I still keep in touch with a lot of the sisters that I met through my sorority alum ass’n.</p>

4

<p>Latetoschool,
We are from the area Motherdear describes as outside Louisville, KY. DH was in a job he liked and well I wasn’t. DH came home from work in Sept. 2000 and said, “Look at all the positions (job that husband currently had and I was certified for as well) overseas.” I was in the job from he11 and replied, “Can we go?” We submitted our paperwork, which was overwhelming, in Sept/Oct timeframe. We began working like mad on our house to prep it to put on the market–painting, tearing up old carpet, putting down some new carpet, and a gazillion square feet of ceramic tile, replacing bathroom fixtures, and wallpapering. By January we had job offers in Germany. In January the movers came and packed us out moving over 9000lbs of stuff overseas and storing over 4000 lbs. We (DH, DS (6th grader at the time), DD (third grader at the time), and myself) flew to Germany in Feb. 2000. We’ve been here ever since and couldn’t be more pleased with our decision to make the big, huge move. Our DS seemed to adapt well but suffered through middle school and only found his place in high school. Our DD fought us every step of the way and only after living in Germany for almost 6 years did she stop talking about how she couldn’t wait to return to the states (i.e., KY) to live. Now she would kill us if we moved her from her home and school.</p>

<p>Our son graduated from high school this spring and is at a college stateside. He is enjoying college but misses home (Germany). His experiences living overseas are unique and he is a bit of a curiousity—not a “real” international student but not a regular stateside graduate either.</p>

5

<p>I lived my first 43 years in the eastern corridor between Washington, DC, and Westchester County, NY. I was dragged kicking and screaming that year clear across the country to the Silicon Valley area to follow my husband who had been given the proverbial “offer he couldn’t refuse”. I screamed, I cried, I pouted, I came up with every reason in the world why it was a bad idea. The kids were established in their school (but only in grades 2 and 4, so it wasn’t a bad time to move), I had a 10-minute commute to work, I’d just successfully finished 2 years on the ministerial search committee at my Unitarian Fellowship but she hadn’t started yet, my family lived on the east coast (and we had the only grandchildren), and the house we lived in was my <em>ideal</em> house in almost every way. I realize in retrospect that my life was <em>comfortable</em> and <em>known</em> there, and I was flailing against having to begin again at age 43, in an area I knew little about. Friends had been telling me for decades that I’d love it in CA; it was one of the last places I could imagine myself.</p>

<p>That was over 9 years ago, and I think it was one of the best things I ever did for myself. I would not have said so at the time, but… it’s grown on me. I love the emphasis on the outdoors, eating right (and being surrounded by fresh produce!), and making fitness a part of my everyday life. My kids have had opportunities here that they never would have had in NY (although I loved it there and so did they), and their growing up Caucasian as part of a 15% minority in their school has been a good experience for them. I like our house OK (although it’ll never be my wonderful house in the trees in NY). And what’s not to love about the climate here??! (The fact that my winter coat is a Polartec jacket that I zip up if it’s really chilly still makes me smile.)</p>

<p>It took me about 2 years to feel at home here, yes. The first Thanksgiving we were here, I found myself broken down weeping in the aisles of the supermarket because I couldn’t find any cornbread stuffing, these STUPID CALIFORNIANS WHO DON’T USE CORNBREAD poor me everything is either Asian food or Mexican food and I just want NORMAL FOOD waaaaah… it was overwhelming to be so out of my element. And what’s up with the trees and grass getting GREEN IN WINTER and BROWN IN SUMMER!!! Those first 6 months were <em>tough</em>. But I’ve learned to feel at home here. (And I’ve learned to grumble about those darned eastern timezone people who think the world revolves around them, heh.)</p>

<p>It probably won’t ever feel like “home” to me, though… does that make any sense? Just today I was driving home from work and I thought about how I might never feel as “in place” here as I think I’ll always feel on the east coast. It’s a fine place to live and I’m glad we came… but there will always be something missing. (Being able to actually swim in that lovely ocean, for instance. Or a real autumn. Or not having to go visit the snow, but having it visit you. Well, once in a while would be nice anyway. :wink: )</p>

<p>In thinking about places to move to when we retire, we’re looking for somewhere where we’ll feel comfortable politically – that leaves out vast sections of the country. I cannot live surrounded by others whose politics I find so distasteful. I <em>like</em> being around like-minded souls here: that would be a prime consideration. A strong intellectual life and community, such as in many college towns, would be ideal, with plenty of ethnic food options. And after living here, we’ll always want to be somewhere where there is a lot of opportunity for healthy, outdoor living and good fresh foods. And access to good transportation – especially a good airport – will be important (for careers, travel, and family access). That may not leave us too many options, but we’ll find out in a few more years (we’re hoping to spend a couple years in Europe before re-settling, so I read the expat tips with great interest: keep 'em coming!).</p>

<p>Relocating to a dramatically different area later in life is not an easy adjustment. But having done it once, I can see now how it will be easier to do it again next time. And next time, I’ll focus on the adventure ahead, and not what I’m leaving behind.</p>

6

<p>Wow, these are interesting - I too am interesting in the expat moves; has anyone else moved to another country, more or less permanently. </p>

<p>Doddsmom, did you speak any of the language before moving to Germany? How did you manage to “fit in”? Do you ever plan to return to the U.S.? I have to confess I have no idea how long a U.S. citizen can stay in that country, or any other for that matter.</p>

7

<p>I moved to Texas from Chicago in 1978 as a 2-year lawyer. I grew up in the Philadelphia area, so the move to Texas seemed like heading for the last frontier. I moved by myself to start a new job, and I was excited. I thought Dallas was heaven after Chicago- I couldn’t get enough of the sun and the open roads (now those open roads are filled with subdivisions and highways). I had only been to Dallas twice before I moved- once to interview and once for an apartment hunting trip. I never regretted it.
For the move I am making today, I did have more familiarity with the city (Nashville). I had been there often on business and knew it was a good place. I was offered a good job (finally) after a long search and a COBRA payment that was eating us alive. (H is a semi-retired engineer working on a contract basis). We had hoped to stay in Dallas until our retirement to Colorado, but the Nashville job was not one we could pass up. I think we will be very happy. We have learned to be flexible and not worry about things too much.</p>

8

<p>Latetoschool,
I spoke very little German and only speak at bit more now. We live in the biggest American community (near multiple Army posts and an Air Base)outside the United States. We work in English speaking schools with other Americans, the kids attend American schools, and most of the Germans in the area speak English. My husband had and has much more German than I. He can actually converse. Our son had 4 years of German in Middle and High School. He was a reluctant speaker in Germany but is much more willing to speak in his college class. His German teacher in high school was a native speaker and had very high standards regarding accent, pronunciation, and grammar usage. Our high school daughter is in her 3rd year of German. We hope she sticks with it and takes German V and AP German. We will see.</p>

<p>We do see ourselves returning to the states eventually. We still have residency in a state, own a building lot in a subdivision, and maintain a stateside driver’s license. We don’t know where we will eventually end up in the states once we retire. </p>

<p>We did buy a house last year in a small German village. We love our house and would like to keep it forever (rent out part of it later year round and live in the self-contained apartment for holidaying in the summer once we retire).</p>

<p>The transition was different for us compared to that experienced by Binx’s family. Binx is a frequent poster on CC and they just recently returned to the states from Germany. We had the logistical support of the military. We were sponsored by other Americans. We work with and have American friends. We had help finding a place to live and dealing with our landlord, utility companies, etc. We do regret not working harder to learn the language and interact with our German neighbors and hope to remedy that in the future.</p>

9

<p>I grew up in Southern California and expected to live within a 50-mile radius until I died. After 10 years of marriage, and with 1 and 3 year old sons, H was offered an opportunity in British Columbia. My parents were both ill (Dad had cancer) and I was struggling with childcare issues, H’s long commute, and reconciling my roles as Mom and Career woman. So, I caved. Very reluctantly, I agreed to move. H moved first, staying in hotels for about six months, while we arranged for the move – Visas, moving company, finding a house, renting out our house etc. I flew up for a weekend to help him choose a place to live, and that was it. We moved and I had a very difficult transition. It rained ALL THE TIME! I found a preschool for older son for the following year, and eventually made friends with some of the moms. It was a difficult transition for me, though.</p>

<p>After several years, H was offered a position with a different company in Minnesota. My parents had died within the previous year, so I didn’t really care where we lived. The job was a good opportunity, and there was a recession in So Cal anyway. H made a couple of trips for interviews and house hunting, and I moved sight-unseen in February. Welcome to Minnesota! My job, as always, was to find a school, which is never easy. H videotaped the class S would move into, and away we went. This move was hard, because I didn’t know a soul, and it took a while to settle in. I grew to love Minnesota, and thought we’d live there forever. (Catching a trend here?)</p>

<p>So, five years ago, pretty much out of the blue, H was offered a position with a company in the Boston area. This time, I really dug in my heels. Older son was in the middle of 8th grade and had just been accepted to several private HS. I was happy! I made the best friends of my life in Minnesota, and we still keep in touch. But, of course, it was an offer we couldn’t refuse, so I agreed. Actually, I wouldn’t agree until S was accepted to the HS that he and his brother attend(ed). We had missed the whole admissions process due to the timing of the offer, so I actually called the admissions head and said I needed a decision, so that H could accept or decline the offer. </p>

<p>The hardest move was leaving California and my family (where the grass is SUPPOSED to be green in winter! :wink: ) The next hardest was leaving MN. We had a one-week house hunting trip to the Boston area, but H had already put money down on a house (one that I hadn’t yet seen.) We moved here a month before school started, into temporary housing because our house was under construction. Two weeks later was Sept. 11, 2001. H was supposed to fly out of Logan that day, although his flight was cancelled, of course. I just wanted to move to either CA or MN – I thought, “What in the world am I doing on the east coast?!” We settled in and I actually like living here now.</p>

<p>I don’t know where we’ll end up. The kids seem to be east coasters now. CA still feels like home when we visit, but I don’t want to live far away from my kids. No clue as to where we’ll retire!</p>

10

<p>These are just fascinating stories…I hardly know what to even ask next. Thank you for sharing them…</p>

11

<p>Thank you everyone for these great moving stories! I think I may post mootmom’s post (or at least part of it) somewhere I can look at everytime

as I continue to plan my move out of Oakland and into the country.</p>