Quick Essay Critique?? Please!

Applying to College
1

<p>I used this essay for the common app, as a topic of my choice. I sent it to Harvard, got deferred. Not sure if I should go with it again for my other common app school (BC) or other schools with similar essay choices. </p>

<p>Will this essay do, I fear its too wordy and doesn’t display me properly. To let you get an idea of who I am, I’m posting all my info (optional read) below</p>

<p>Please Private Message me if you would like to critique my essay, give it a quick read, whatever, and I’ll send it to you! Thankyou, it helps a ton!</p>

<hr>

<p>Info…</p>

<p>3.93 UW GPA (would be about 4.03 if I never took music courses all 4 years, which is a quarterly A-/B+) – 7 AP classes (max that I could)</p>

<p>also exhausted French courses at HS, taking 300 level courses fall/spring semester at Holy Cross College (A)</p>

<p>major: undecided</p>

<p>Sat’s I (taken once):
Math: 710
Verbal: 800
Writing: 800 (doesnt count at Gtown)</p>

<p>Sat II’s (taken once)
Chem (10th): 690
Wrld History (10th): 690
French (11th): 770</p>

<p>AP’s:
Euro History: 4
French: 5
US History: 5</p>

<p>EC’s (mostly centered on music): </p>

<ul>
<li>school’s advanced Jazz Ensemble (9-12)</li>
<li>directed small jazz combo, perform for business parties, clubs, for $$$ and church charities/nursing homes and school/alumni functions (10-12)</li>
<li>church folk band, performed during masses (10-11)</li>
<li>private jazz piano lessons (9-12)</li>
<li>French Club (loose term, but travelled to Quebec/Montreal 10th grade for 5 days and France 11th grade for 10 days)</li>
<li>volunteering at after-school programs for school-age kids (12)</li>
<li>crew team (9)</li>
<li>Babe Ruth Baseball (9)</li>
</ul>

<p>Awards (nothing special, school’s not very awardish):
-national honor society
-national merit commendation</p>

<p>white male from MA, school is all-boys Catholic (~1200 9-12), explains ridiculously difficult sport teams. athletic, didnt realy shine through on app, but talked about it during interview, tennis player.</p>

<p>I also sent in a CD with two jazz solos, sounded near professional</p>

<p>Colleges:
Reach…</p>

<p>Harvard (deferred)
Penn
Columbia</p>

<p>Target…
Georgetown
Brown</p>

<p>Safety…
Boston College
Fordham</p>

<p>Georgetown is my absolute #1 which I absolutely MUST get into (not sure if College or SFS, advice on which i have better shot at?). Penn is prob #2, then Columbia, then Brown. Not really interested in BC or Fordham.</p>

2

<p>badumpetybump</p>

3

<p>BC is actually pretty selective I thought.</p>

4

<p>yep but my school is practically a BC feeder (we’re private, catholic, and close to Boston) and its pretty much a slam dunk. The competitiveness is growing because they get a TON of applications, especially as target/safeties for the ivy crowd.</p>

5

<p>Yeah, BC got really competitive in the last couple years. Tons of people from my school go there, but we had a kid rejected who is now at Dartmouth. Haha. Weird.</p>

<p>Anyway, I’m too tired to do an essay read.</p>

6

<p>if its not too late, i’ll take a look</p>

7

<p>I’ll also look if you want</p>

8

<p>feel free to pm me</p>

9

<p>Just PM me.</p>

10

<p>BTW, your SAT IIs are a bit low for Harvard…</p>

11

<p>oh comeon, its SAT II’s, who cares about those?</p>

<p>I took them during sophomore year before I realized that it was now necessary to actually study for standardized tests</p>

12

<p>"oh comeon, its SAT II’s, who cares about those?</p>

<p>I took them during sophomore year before I realized that it was now necessary to actually study for standardized tests"</p>

<p>That is your own fault. SAT IIs are important at Ivys - and I hate to tell you there was someone with probably a better GPA/SAT then you who had gotten 800 or high 700s on SAT IIs so he was chosen over you. You really do not seem to understand how competitive Ivy League is.</p>

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<p>Some people really aren’t as preoccupied with standardized test scores as you (taking a Princeton Review prep course). Some people prefer… dare I say… actual learning. I think that my chem and History grades by far make up for an hour some Saturday sophomore year.</p>

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<p>not to mention, you condone outright “lying” on applications</p>

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<p><a href="mailto:jack_frost429■■■■■■■■■■■■">jack_frost429■■■■■■■■■■■■</a> i’ll look at it :)</p>