<p>“Dad, you and I are scary in how similar we are.”</p>
<p>(Almost as good as my doctor’s “It’s probably nothing.”)</p>
<p>Pre-Thanksgiving, more than 2 decades ago:</p>
<p>Me to wife: “We’re having great grandma for Thanksgiving.”</p>
<p>Wife: “Fine by me.”</p>
<p>Son, (about 4 or 5) who had just meandered into the room, bursting into tears:</p>
<p>“I WANT TURKEY!!! I DON’T WANNA EAT GREAT GRAMMA!!!”</p>
<p>Took me an hour to convince him she’d be far too tough to be edible.</p>
<p>TheDad, D says something similar to me, only it’s rephrased to “Dad, it’s scary to realize I’m as twisted as you are.”</p>
<p>A couple of days ago: " I’m the only roommate [out of three] who puts his dishes directly into the dishwasher." I was speechless.</p>
<p>At the dinner table:</p>
<p>S1: Bobby’s parents bought him a BMW for his graduation (from high school)</p>
<p>Me: Well your parents don’t have that kind of money.</p>
<p>S1: I didn’t asked to be born you know.</p>
<p>Me: I can fix that if you want. </p>
<p>S1 rues the day he said this because I never get tired of telling this story at family gatherings.</p>
<p>My all time favorite:</p>
<p>When DS got his driver’s license:</p>
<p>DS: Will I EVER have a car to drive?</p>
<p>Me: You will be able to drive this van if you need to.</p>
<p>DS: I wouldn’t be caught DEAD driving this van…</p>
<p>(Pregnant pause followed when DS realized this was not the brightest comment he had ever made).</p>
<p>DS: Well…it’s really not a bad van. It has a sunroof and a CD player.</p>
<p>(Good backpeddling, son!!)</p>
<p>And another when DD’s texting bill had gone over for the umteenth month…DD is 3 1/2 years younger than DS.</p>
<p>Me: (to DS) Do you use texting as much as your sister?</p>
<p>DS: No mom…that is what the YOUNGER kids do.</p>
<p>(made me laugh)</p>
<p>After seeing her first real paycheck: “Who is FICA and what is he doing with all of my money?”</p>
<p>Son: “so-and-so’s parents bought him_______.”</p>
<p>Me: “Wow. So-and-so’s parents must really love him!”</p>
<p>Son: The Look, then a laugh.</p>
<p>D: “If I get a scholarship, will you give me the same amount of money as the scholarship, since you were gonna pay for my college anyway?”</p>
<p>Me: (incredulous) NO</p>
<p>My favorite: DD1 looked at us during the summer before she started college and sighed, in a distainful tone, “WHY do you guys stress over money all the time!” Well, at the time, her dad was unemployed and I was making $16,000 per year. </p>
<p>
This was said at our house, also!</p>
<p>Favorite from another kid to mine: “You’re number __ in the class! Wow, tell your parents that they really need to buy you a nicer car because you like totally deserve it.”</p>
<p>“Ketchup goes slowly… until you’re not watching it.”</p>
<p>“If you want to know how many cats are in your neighborhood, start feeding one.”</p>
<p>DS as we drove by a guy holding a “Going out of Business” 40% off sign for a failing K-Mart:</p>
<p>“I know it would suck to have a job where you could be replaced by a machine, but how would it be to have a job where you could be replaced by a stick?”</p>
<p>Okay, I know this is really off-color…but a couple of months ago, I asked my son about his views on abortion-was he pro-choice or pro-life, I really was unsure. He is 19.</p>
<p>And he said-I’m pro-choice, actually I’m even pro-late term abortion. In fact, the other day I was driving behind this old guy who was driving really slow, and I thought, man, is it too late to abort him?</p>
<p>Okay-awful–I’m sure he must have been joking…I hope. Sometimes they just say things that bemuse-but horrify you. Different generation, can’t imagine saying that to my parents!</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Pretty sure your kids were ripping off Rachel from Friends - that was a line in one of the earliest shows the first season. 
It’s on in syndication all hours of the day on several channels.</p>
<p>DS at an occasion to which he was invited;</p>
<p>My Text: So how is it?</p>
<p>DS: This environment is stenched with “Overrated”</p>
<p>Last week at an accepted students reception</p>
<p>DS: Uh, Mom…I think we have a problem here.</p>
<p>Me: What is it?</p>
<p>DS: There is like ZERO eye candy in this room!</p>
<p>Good to know he has his priorities straight…grrrrr :D</p>
<p>Overheard at the dinner table when D was in middle school and S in elementary:</p>
<p>D “Maybe our family should move somewhere interesting- like Europe”</p>
<p>S “We can’t move to Europe. We don’t speak European!”</p>
<p>My soon to graduate high school DD - back when she was 3 or 4… </p>
<p>“I have Basil eyes”</p>
<p>Me: You have basil in your eye?</p>
<p>“Just like you dad - we both have Basil eyes”</p>
<p>Hazel, Basil - what’s a couple of letters…</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Maybe the Cheers writers ripped it off from the millions of people who thought the same thought as they looked at their first check…</p>