@Tigerle, if no one reports his behavior (assuming it is a violation of rules at their HS) and no disciplinary action is taken, then how would Pomona know? People like this count in the fact that it Is a hassle to get them in trouble. And they go on to repeat the behavior again and again.
As someone who was relentlessly bullied in middle school, I can assure you @bhs1978 there is often" random out of the blue comments without altercation leading up to regretful things being said".
@cobrat, that’s exactly what I’m saying: stick to stopping the racist harassment.
@corinthian, I’m the one who said that having this racist harassment stopped is for his own good. I also said that other instances of his racist remarks should be documented and then reported. That’s not at all what you’re saying; crucifying the guy over a “he said, she said” situation isn’t what I’m saying should be done.
Carolinamom2boys
I am sorry you were bullied. I didn’t say it never happens but I also don’t think it happens often. I understand how, as someone who was bullied, you are seeing things only through that lense. Fortunately I wasn’t bullied but I know people who were. I try to see things from all sides of a situation and I don’t believe there is enough information in this case to warrant the “lynching” mentality.
Let’s just agree to disagree. We actually agree on the major issue we just disagree on how to handle the situation. Doesn’t nean I’m right, doesn’t mean you are right. Just differing opinions.
You’re right on several accounts @bhs1978 We disagree , and will continue to disagree. Doesn’t mean your right, doesn’t mean I’m right. I also try to see things from all sides. I think it should be investigated by the school to determine if bullying occurred . If no bullying occurred , then there’s no problem. If it did, then there should be consequences . The difference between how you and I view things is I believe things should be looked into before dismissing it as a nonissue. “Lynching mentality” seems like an overstatement IMO.
The issue is that some in this very thread argued that what the kid said wasn’t racist or harassment which I found to be odd as it certainly would have been considered as such and dealt with accordingly at my public magnet HS and several public school districts I know of.
They are also helped by folks who make arguments along the lines of “Let the victims/offended handle it directly with the bully/harasser/offender without involving authorities” or otherwise minimizing it by saying “it’s just schoolyard drama”.
I don’t know if you realize it, but making a statement like that towards someone with firsthand experience is a bit patronizing at best
Especially if it is coming from someone who had no firsthand experience him/herself.
It would be no different than say someone who has never experienced racism telling someone who has that “you are seeing things only through that lense”.
Similarly, I’ve also read accounts from some war veterans that encountering statements like this from civilians or even fellow military members who have never been in combat is one reason why they are extremely guarded about relating their combat experiences in any depth except to fellow veterans who had the same experiences.
I asked my D, who just spent a year on a competition civics team where she presented and debated the constitution, her thoughts on this. Mainly, I was curious as to her opinion. She thinks it’s bullying because the comment was directed at an individual. If he had said, “I hope Trump wins and deports immigrants.” then that is is constitutional right. But since he said, “I hope he deports you.” that is bullying and should be reported to the school.
Incidentally, she will be attending a different 5C and I hope she doesn’t run into this person. Actually, I feel confident that she would call him out on his words.
For some of those that are convinced this is bullying, I ask this: Since the OP tells us this was the first time such an insult was directed at the D, please define for me the distinction between insulting her, bullying her, and just ordinary teasing.
Or do some people see all 3 the same, and see no distinction in this case?
Doesn’t a part of the modern definition of bullying generally include “repeated behavior”, and that it creates a real or perceived threat? Since we are told this was a one-time insult to the D, doesn’t that negate calling it bullying? And was the D truly threatened by the statement, (since she knows she is an American citizen) or just mad at the insult? There is a big difference, and if the student was angered, but really didn’t feel she would be deported because of the boy’s statement, then she did not perceive there to be a threat of deportation.
For example, the boy might have “threatened” to dip her pigtails in the inkwell, but if she doesn’t have pigtails and he doesn’t have an inkwell, then it isn’t a real threat after all, is it?
Any constitutional scholar can tell us there is no right not to be offended.
I didn’t see where OP said it was a one time event, in fact she referenced a social media post about putting a leash on the girl.
In post #163 the OP said the boy expressed his view in a social study class. Probably the teacher was there too.
To the best of my recollection, the OP has not told us of any other deportation threats made toward the D.
But, the OP tells us the fellow asked this general (goofy) question on a social media site: “Do we put a chain on our girl like we do to our dog if you don’t want them to run away?” if that’s what post 192 is referring to. Obviously the answer to his question, if one even takes it seriously enough to answer it, is No. Do you interpret his question, carolinamom as a serious inquiry, where he is truly seeking guidance, and further, also interpret it as if he answered his own question with “Yes, we should put a leash on girls?”. Or is it just a high school kid saying something stupid? I think we’re hearing about an immature high school boy, but heck he is only a high school boy. I suspect there are also immature high school girls at that school too.
^ Maybe he’s a fan of 50 Shades of Grey.
You and I have 2 different definitions of immaturity @younghoss . I guess boys will be boys as long as people defend inappropriate behavior as immaturity. And I agree , there may be immature girls at that school as well, and if they were making repeated , inappropriate comments I’d say they were bullies too. At least my teenage sons know what’s inappropriate when some grown men don’t.
One of the basic takeaways from one of the recent Supreme Court rulings which narrowed the First Amendment rights of K-12 students was the need to balance that with the K-12 public school’s mission of providing a safe environment conducive to education and in the words of one of those rulings: “consciously or otherwise, teachers—and indeed the older students—demonstrate the appropriate form of civil discourse and political expression by their conduct and deportment in and out of class”.
Seems the compelling need of public schools to model appropriate forms of civil discourse and political expression by conduct and deportment in and out of class covers dealing with students making harassing, racist, and yes…even tasteless remarks while under school jurisdiction. Jurisdiction which could also cover behavior outside of school/off school grounds depending on the policies of the particular school district.
@bhs1978 I can assure you that my daughter didn’t say anything to provoke or insult the guy that you suggested. She even says he’s smarter than her all the time. Most importantly, my daughter isn’t competitive and she doesn’t care too much about other people’s business. I’m proud I have a kind kid.
It’s interesting that posters here are simultaneously telling the OP to “park the helicopter” because her kid is an adult and saying the kid who insulted/bullied/whatever is just an immature high school boy who should be given the benefit of the doubt.
And ironically, this very mentality will ill-serve this particular boy down the line much as the same “those boys you call bullies are just misunderstood” mentality by the educrats of my middle school and the bullies’ parents ill-served the bullies as illustrated when their continued crimes resulted in their being arrested for multiple felonies and being sent to Rikers/upstate to serve decades long-sentences.
Some will be serving their sentences for at least another 15-20 years…
I have never thought the definition of bullying requires repeated behavior. One remark intended to intimidate can be bullying.
@intparent All of the definitions I have read said " a pattern of repeated behavior or POTENTIAL for repeated behavior"
thank you, carolinamom, the definitions I found say repeated incidents, too, Potential incidents? Heck, we all have potential to say a threatening remark. As I understand it, a one-time insult may be offensive but does not rise to the level of bullying. Merriam-webster, dictionarydotcom and violencepreventionworksdotorg make no mention of potential for incidents. Not to say that no one says so, but just to say plenty of sources DO NOT mention potential.
And, what I found also says the words cause a real or perceived threat. Obviously, the student here knows she is an American citizen and would not be subject to deportation, therefore there is no real or perceived threat of deportation.
IF I were to post online that the next time I saw Mike Tyson I was going to knock him out, he would not worry if he read it. For one, I’m not likely to ever see him, and I darn sure could not beat him up. Therefore if I made such a statement it would be too ridiculous to be taken seriously. I would not be guilty of bullying Mike Tyson.