<p>I always think of The Birth Order Book by Leman, who discusses how kids tend to differentiate themselves. Elder sisters are good students? Younger brother may want to strike his own path.</p>
<p>Yes, I thought of that aspect also. My sister and I were excellent students, very involved in activities, no discipline issues. Youngest sister chose a very different path in high school. (But she turned out OK and did graduate from college in nursing some years later.)</p>
<p>If you can afford it, take him on trips to the actual historical sites he is watching on the History channel. Going to museums, historical buildings, battlefields anything to excite and intrigue him to read more about the historical events he finds interesting. Same for Discovery Channel-visit science museums, go to nature preserves, help him find out more about what interests him.
The time together will be good for the both of you.
Good luck.</p>
<p>mamabear, your son sounds almost identical to mine. The prospect of college is helping him to wake up and apply himself a little more. I know he is intelligent; his last standardized test (the Plan?) had him coming in at a 98% percentile in English and Reading and he barely reads more than a comic book. He is taking the ACT for the first time on December 12. He loves video games; we have to limit his time or he would stay on it all the time. He was born 5 weeks early and should have born in September and be a sophomore. He was born in August, and his very academic father (now my ex) wouldn’t let me hold him back a year. I think he will get through high school ok, but I really worry about him going to college. He will find another kid with video games in his room and then be home after the first term. I need to start researching pros and cons of the gap year vs community college vs letting him go to college and hoping he does what he needs to do.</p>
<p><<he likes=“” the=“” history=“” channel=“” and=“” discovery=“” is=“” basically=“” a=“” very=“” good=“” kid.=“”>></he></p>
<p>Another similarity. My son is crazy about the Civil War. We don’t live around many battlefields, but my son was really interested in finding headstones at different cemeteries for soldiers who died in the Civil War. We both got interested in finding who these soldiers were, what infantry they were in, etc. Anything that will take his interest off of a video game (you know, the new Call of Duty that just came out) is great by me.</p>
<p>I have two sons–a HS Sr and a HS Fr. The oldest is self-motivated, top 10% of his class, etc. and my Fr. S sounds similar to your S. The middle school years are difficult and it is important to realize that your younger son (and mine) are more typical than their older siblings. I find that comforting to remind myself that it is my oldest who is a-typical, not the other way around. That said, my young son has recently been more motivated in his school work now that he is in HS. I think that his future seems closer at hand. Here are a couple of “tricks” we have employed:
- Last year when he was slacking on his school work and only doing bare minimum to get by we made him complete school work at a specific time each night, before allowing him get on computer or sit in front of TV. We did this until next report card telling him that if he improved, he’d get to set his own schedule again.
*Tried to impress upon him that once he put his name on a school project/paper it represented him. He should ask himself “What does this project say about me, am I satisfied with this impression?” - Talked to him about his Goals for current school year, high school & college. I was impressed that inside that head he had worthy aspirations (i.e. taking honors classes, etc.) we talked about what he needed to do to accomplish these goals. I reminded him of his old hockey coach who always said “hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard” We wrote down his goals and HE made suggestions about what he could do to work towards them. That “goals” poster is still on his bedroom wall a year later. He is taking 1 honors class (he’s proud of this) this year and working harder than I’ve ever seen him in hopes of taking more & graduating in top 15%(his goal).
Good luck.</p>
<p>Sometimes the attitude hides a self confidence problem (easier to slack than to try and possibly fail). I second the suggestions above to pursue the CTY option. Have him take the SAT, tell him it is good practice even if he doesn’t score well. Buy him a SAT prep book and ask him to take at least one practice test ahead of time. He might (or might not) be motivated enough to prep a little, don’t bug him either way. If he does well on the test, CTY has an online group called Cogito that they invite kids to join. This group has been a great motivator for my youngest (who is a D, though) in school this year. She wants to go to college with these smart kids she talks to all the time online.</p>
<p>Berate him constantly for being a loser and a disappointment to you while showering others with affection and praise. After 10 years or so of this he will either have a strong desire to prove you wrong and drive himself to success–or kill you. ;-)</p>
<p>We frequently watch history/discovery channel with him. We’ve bought him a few books and discovery channel kits to inspire his interests. </p>
<p>I agree that he is a good kid and I am so thankful for that. It’s because he’s a good kid that I want to inspire him to be his best. His current grades are not a reflection of his ability. </p>
<p>We’ve worked hard with him and with our Ds to help them explore their talents and interests. He skis with his dad and they make videos of their trips together. We got him a used mac last year and he’s had a lot of fun using that. He likes to take things apart - so when something breaks - we give it to him to dismantle. We traveled extensively when he was younger and a few years ago went to Italy - which he loved and still talks about. He is very interested in a lot of things, just not inspired or motivated to achieve.</p>
<p>A PP suggested a mentor and today I called our school’s guidance department and asked if some junior boys who manage to combine athletics and academics would be willing to serve as mentors to middle schools boys. I thought it would be great, for the older boys as well as the younger boys, to target some boys who are motivated and ask them to talk to the younger boys. The guidance counselor was very excited about it. Kind of like a “big brother” program for boys who may need that positive influence and role model. </p>
<p>All of the suggestions are great (other than perhaps the berate him constantly suggestion 
) and the slightest bit of inspiration that comes from anywhere is greatly appreciated!</p>
<p>My 8th grade D does the minimum, too. She’s so interested in everything else (sports, cheer, choir, etc.) that school is just a bother. One night she told me she hated school and I asked her why. She said that she hated being tested and graded. She said that they need to just learn the stuff and after they’ve learned it, to go on to the next thing. Hard to argue with that.</p>
<p>sounds to me like he is bored and needs more challenging classes. please consider checking into a private school now for him. with state assessments and the no child left behind act, it’s unlikely that he’ll be adequately challenged in his current situation if he is already showing boredom and a downturn in his grades. it’s likely that the culture of his current school is that he is given a hard time by peers if he shows that he can be a good student…that’s a big factor…don’t ignore that !!! </p>
<p>also…please read the book…“The Minds of Boys, Saving our sons from falling behind in school and life”</p>
<p>Please consider educational testing. S1 was very bright, in the very top of standardized testing. But got stuck in getting things done, sloppy work, missing things. Teachers called him lazy, unmotivated. By the time he was 13 we hit crises, he was in full resistance to school. His French teacher was the one who saw the LD issues, even though she only saw him a few times a week. He had processing issues. Basically the rest of him could not keep up with how fast his mind worked. After testing, some accomodations and tutoring he did great in his advanced classes in HS, got into the U he wanted and did well there. Never the top, but well enough to graduate with honors. </p>
<p>Do the testing now. If it is nothing, explore other things. If it is something you can address, it is so much better to do it now while he has time to learn how to manage.</p>
<p>BTW - after that we had the other 2 boys tested and found variations of the same problem in them. Tutoring for all. DD slipped past us because her grades were fine. Her standardized tests weren’t as good but grades were great. We did not know what it was taking her to get those grades. When she got to college, her voice teacher asked us to have her tested and low and behold same issues. She now has accomodations that help her a lot. She too is learning how to adjust.</p>
<p>I wish private school was an option to even consider, but with $70k going out the door for two older childrens’ college tuitions, it’s impossible at this point. I do believe that private school would offer him a strong learning environment, but our public school can also provide that environment if he allows himself to seek it. </p>
<p>He was assigned 36 math problems tonight and it has been a struggle. He’s working on them now. I got frustrated with him because he was moaning and groaning instead of doing his work, but he snapped into productivity and is now working away. i also realized that his organization is woefully inadequate. I knew that he wasn’t using a binder and told his teacher about this - but the teacher made no corrections and S said it was okay. S would keep his papers in a folder. I took his papers and showed him how to organize, and I am hopeful this will help. </p>
<p>I will talk to his guidance counselor about having him tested. One of my Ds has an LD, but hers was obvious and not related to motivation. I want to do everything I can to help him get ready for HS. I appreciate the referral to a book - I feel like I am exploring new territory for our family.</p>
<p>My son was very similar. Enjoyed K and grades 3-4 when he had teachers who understood him. Had trouble in all the other grades until HS. He did have the notion that his “permanent record” didn’t begin until 9th grade. This is true, but I don’t know how he knew, because I never told him. By 9th grade, he was starting to care about grades. His last 2 B+s happened that year, but only because he stretched himself by taking a tougher math course and skipping a year of French. All other grades were As and he really enjoyed his ECs. He applied to 10 great LACs, was accepted to all of them and is so happy at his first choice school. I think you have gotten great suggestions–testing, special summer programs if he qualifies (my son did qualify, but preferred our summer activities instead). My son is a history major, btw, and I do think your son’s interest in the history channel bodes well. My son also spent a lot of time on computer games until he got to the right college where the much more interesting IRL students pulled him away from that. I never restricted his computer time in HS because he was getting his work done and excelling at ECs. Good luck! You are right to be vigilant, but I think you have every reason to be hopeful.</p>
<p>PS–he went to public school.</p>
<p>You need to recognize the fact that public K-12 schools are female centric regarding the way they teach and the way they enforce discipline, and boys pay a price for that. From personal experience my wife and I know it requires constant vigalance and effort by challenging teachers/administrators to minimize the bad effects of this set-in-stone paradigm.</p>
<p>styles of learning differ. some do much better in discussion based classes, etc…</p>
<p>“36 math problems tonight”</p>
<p>This is certainly boring and not challenging.</p>
<p>I do not think it is possible to motivate a boy. The diff. that I see in my boy and girl is that boy will try his absolutely best in activity that he loves, and girl will do her best and beyond in everything. I do not know which one is better, both approaches have +'s and -'s as long as others do not interfere and allow them to build on their strength, they will be just fine. S. continues to be very selective in what he does, D has learned to limit her involvements knowing that it will take her great time to have everything done to perfection no matter she enjoys it or not.</p>
<p>exactly coolweather…</p>
<p>they have to determine if those 36 problems are teaching him anything new or if this is merely a review of material that he already knows and just “busywork.”</p>
<p>what level is that math class being taught at? is the teacher directing efforts toward bringing the low achieving students up to proficiency and ignoring the needs of the higher ability students? what is a high ability student like the op’s son really being taught that is new and challenging to him? google search…“leave no gifted child behind.”</p>
<p>OP, my S sounds a lot like yours, but I realized it earlier. He just did not care about school, but I knew he was bright. The public school didn’t have the resources to motivate him, so I moved him to a private school. </p>
<p>They couldn’t motivate him either at first, and the head of school called me in about it. She said that if encouragement, bribery, positive reinforcement don’t work, then you need to try punishment. I know that sounds harsh, but kids really do not have a choice about doing relatively well in school these days. We took away privileges for bad grades, and the school sent him to the office if he did not do his work. While I felt guilty about making school work a negative experience, it worked! Out of fear, he developed disciplined study habits, and is now at a public h.s. </p>
<p>I still have to literally sit at the table with him every night while he completes his work and quiz him on everything, but he is now doing very well. (and hopefully he will not someday want to kill me, but rather thank me for making his success possible. Keeping fingers crossed).</p>
<p>Good luck with your son.</p>