<p>Punishment has never worked and even bribery in form of paying money has completely failed. More or less we had to leave S. to his own devices and he is completely fine, nice family man.</p>
<p>LOL, the binder/folder story could be ours! D2, who is very bright, also has mild ADHD. Her binder is chaos! Even though she is in 9th grade, we have daily conversations about assignments and extracurriculars and make sure the calendar on her laptop is up to date. Once a week I make her clean out the binder at the kitchen table. I also have to keep an eye on her to make sure she is not multitasking too much with music, internet, etc. when she is supposed to be working. I bought her a timer, and she agreed to work 45 minutes, then do something fun (internet, etc.) for 15 minutes each night until homework is done.</p>
<p>Regarding the private school, for us the biggest benefit has been small class size. Our kids are known by their teachers, and can’t hide if they didn’t get something done or are having a problem in class. Makes it worth every penny even if I do take a peanut butter sandwich to work for lunch many days!</p>
<p>^That much control might back fire. 9th grader should be a little more independent than that. They will be driving a car in few months, then what? </p>
<p>Private school is very beneficial if a kid agree to be there. S. said “No, thanks”. D has been in tiny elementary with 4 kids in class, she would not survive public. She attended Private HS with 33 kids in her class and most classes having about 15 kids. She says that HS has been the best time of her life.</p>
<p>My D is waiting to take driver’s ed, she knows she can barely cross the street without getting hit by a car 
Seriously, just because kids CAN drive at 16 doesn’t mean that all of them should. Not everyone is developmentally ready at the same pace, and just saying that they should be that independent by 16 doesn’t automatically make it so.</p>
<p>Some kids need tutoring and homework supervision in math or French. My kid needs it in organization. She will get the hang of it (I did, and so did her sister, in spite of similar challenges at that age).</p>
<p>^^^ my oldest is 27, she didn’t get her license until she was in college and she only drives occasionally.
My 19 yr old doesn’t have her license ( too busy in high school to take drivers ed- I am sure not going to teach her cause I am too neurotic- although she did drive in India!- where they apparently don’t have stop signs or lights!)</p>
<p>I also didn’t get my license until I was about 20, I have peripheral vision issues- my doc recommended I see a special optometrist.</p>
<p>As far as motivation goes- all I can say is- help them explore their interests and find ways to show them that certain skills can support those interests.</p>
<p>Life isn’t a race- and we can’t live anothers life for them & theirs isnt a chance for us to redo our mistakes.
Not saying that, that is what you are doing, but I think it is a good reminder for all of us.</p>
<p>D got license 6 months late. After driving the car through the garage door, she took a 3 month break from driving and getting her hours in. S still has 22 hours left to drive, he is 3.5 months past 16th birthday. He never asked to drive, and I wasn’t going to force him - if he was ready and interested, he would ask. And he’s asking a lot now, so he will get his license probably 6 months after 16th birthday too. Fine with me. Less arguments about sharing the car, I hope.</p>
<p>I believe it is my job to help him understand that he has to achieve at his highest level to make the most of his natural gifts. I believe the same thing with my LD D. His school district is actually very good, albeit public. His teachers know him well and now keep in close communication with me. There were years where I could blame the system (which may be partially to blame for his current lack of math foundation), but that is no longer the case. </p>
<p>After all of this discussion - I realize that he still has time to “grow up”. I’m reading the book recommended earlier and find it to be very interesting. My son is exactly what a PP said - he’s very interested in the things he’s interested in and motivated to try when he’s interested. My D’s are motivated to do their best at everything and can easily be persuaded that putting forth their best effort benefits them.</p>
<p>This discussion has produced a lot - I am having him “screened” for ADD. I was told today that he has none of the red flags for LD testing - as noted by the guidance counselor “getting a C is nothing - we have some kids who are getting 20s in every class”. I think she thought I wanted to get him into support services. I didn’t necessarily agree that a C in a child with high abilities was not a problem.</p>
<p>Interestingly - I am hopeful that our “blow-up” last night may have led to something. Today he came home from school and did not turn on the TV. He said that he does fine with homework once he can settle down and focus but that he feels distracted by everything. I was proud of him for trying to understand his issues and quietly making a correction. </p>
<p>Another good idea was to use his interests to inspire him. We live in an area where there are great museums - I plan to take him on a few outings. Bottom line - I think it’s important to catch this early. According to the guidance counselor he “appears very comfortable in his own skin” but I know that he is actually afraid to do anything other than fly below the radar and never put himself in a situation that would evidence failure. As he says “why bother answering questions in class - someone else always knows the answer” He thinks he’s just being practical. </p>
<p>Boys are a different breed which require different parenting methods. I didn’t realize that before and thought I just didn’t know the “trick.” </p>
<p>Has anyone used Kumon to help with math? I’m wondering if that would help him or bore him further?</p>
<p>Screen for more than ADD. Processing issues are prevalent in integillent boys. They think faster than they can react. For math mine learned techniques from the tester and an LD tutor to isolate the problems so their eyes did not wander around the page. To use graph paper to write down the numbers so the numbers did not wander aoround the page. There were some others, but they learned to use the ones that worked for them. Isolation techniques are important to keep them focussed on one thing at a time.</p>
<p>you might also look at “dysgraphia” if he avoids homework that involves a good deal of hand writing.</p>
<p>I need to add that we were always available for help and provided it all the way thru senior year in HS and occasionally even in college. We did it when D asked. Even when we did not remember material anymore, we still could help after reading material in textbook. However, certain classes reguire much more than just knowledge, like Spanish.</p>
<p>[NAGC</a> - Dysgraphia](<a href=“http://www.nagc.org/index.aspx?id=989]NAGC”>http://www.nagc.org/index.aspx?id=989)</p>
<p>dysgraphia link above… at the NAGC website.</p>
<p>common signs are noted…</p>