<p>Taken from the thread called “Ethics,” which is really about the recalled beef. I’d like to have a thread really dedicated to talking about raising children to be “ethical.” And, BTW, what does that mean??</p>
<p>Posted by VeryHappy
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<p>Posted by Mammall
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<p>I don’t think you need to “teach” kids about shades of gray; I think they often see them naturally. I know I’ve had discussions with preschoolers about “what ifs” - I tell them to do something or not to do something and they start playing the “what if” game - “What if I do X but not Y? Is that OK?” “Then what if I do X and 1/2 of Y?” Or whatever, down the slippery slope.</p>
<p>And virtually all kids I know can see gray when looking at things like “zero tolerance” drug policies - “But Mom, there’s a difference between aspirin & cocaine!”</p>
<p>Difficult. </p>
<p>If we know the answer, we would be god.</p>
<p>We taught kids to treat others so as to bring out the best in them. If you approach each situation with that in mind - what will benefit my fellow man - I think the ethical decision will follow.</p>
<p>Different kids are different. What works with one won’t with another. Thisoldman is right.</p>
<p>I found a book by Neil Kurshan, Raising Your Child to Be A Mensch (*decent, kind, caring person) helpful, easily readable. It identifies key issues in language that relates to normal family interactions as well as relationships with larger communities.</p>
<p>My brother sent us “Parenting for Peace and Justice” when QuantMechPrime was born. I see that you can now purchase it and “Parenting for Peace and Justice: Ten Years Later” for $0.01 each (not including shipping) on Amazon.com.</p>
<p>If you live your life in an honest and ethical manner then you have taught your kids well. Whether or not they adopt your behavior is entirely up to them.</p>
<p>this is a timely topic</p>
<p>[Seeds</a> of Compassion : 5-Day Gathering in Seattle](<a href=“seedsofcompassion.net”>http://www.seedsofcompassion.net/)</p>
<p>But ethics/values/morals embraces an armful of things to think about.
One of the most efficent things we can do as parents- is to model the sort of behavior we want our children to adopt- as well as discuss out loud the thought process and reasoning which leads us to chose certain decisions.</p>
<p>I agree with Emeraldcity – the best way to raise honest and ethical children is to live what you preach. And to insist that your children live that way, too. It means having a lot of tough conversations, and yes, dealing with many shades of gray, such as “when should I tell a teacher? If someone is kissing in the hall? Cheating on a test? Using drugs?” You have to talk about all of these things, over and over again. </p>
<p>We also talk about standing up for the right thing, even when it is hard – such as defending a kid who is being bullied. We talk about when they should step in themselves, when they should talk to an adult, and when it is okay to walk away. We talk about what to do if someone tells a racist or bigoted joke in their presence. . . and many other difficult situations.</p>
<p>We talk about our responsibilities as citizens, including the need and obligation to vote, and the absolute necessity of being an informed voter. (In our house, that means avoiding television news and finding independent sources of info, including fact check organizations.)</p>
<p>We talk about being kind, and being engaged in life. We talk about how the person who dropped the $20 bill in the checkout lane might feel when they realize they have lost it. We discuss whether finding $20 in a store by a checkout counter is different from finding a $20 on a sidewalk or by a field.</p>
<p>All of these conversations involve shades of gray – very little is actually black and white. Example – I allow my 15 year old son to carry an epi-pen in his pocket to school, even though school rules require it to be in the clinic – no exceptions. Why? Because he has life-threatening allergies, and if he has a reaction, he could die in the amount of time it would take for someone to realize he was in trouble, think about getting his epi-pen, go to the clinic to get it, etc. The rule says no drugs at school. . .but in this case, I believe the ethical thing to do is to break the rule (and no, even with a doctor’s note, they will not allow him to carry it on his person.)</p>
<p>I remember walking S1 in his stroller when he was maybe three years old or so, with my sister along. As we passed a house, there were some action figures abandoned on the curb. My son was intrigued by them, and I gave them to him to play with – and keep. My sister thought we should leave them there, since the rightful owners might later notice they were missing and come to claim them.</p>
<p>Did I teach him wrong?? Fast forward 18 or so years – he cheated on a final exam in college, panicked that he would be caught and expelled, fessed up to the professor, and instead of failing or being expelled got a D+ in the course. (Where he would have gotten an A or A-.) (This was a college with a strict honor code.) I feel guilty that I didn’t teach him right from wrong.</p>
<p>Although maybe he learned his lesson by fessing up and taking his licks. We’ll see what happens when he applies to grad school.</p>
<p>Then there’s the time S2, as an 8-year-old, dropped his Christmas gift of $100 in cash in a Toys R Us. No, it never reappeared; no one turned it in. </p>
<p>If I found $100 in cash, what would I have done? Probably kept it. Sigh. I’m no angel.</p>
<p>That’s our problem, none of us are angels! 
All we can do is keep trying. If I found $100, I would try to find the owner. My husband would think I was crazy, but I would try anyway. </p>
<p>It sounds like you DID teach your son right from wrong. He cheated, confessed to his crime, and took the consequences. Down the road, he will certainly be the better man for choosing to own up to his mistake.</p>
<p>Sounds like you did ok to me!</p>
<p>I believe in explicit teaching. My parents were the opposite way, teach by example. I’m sure my kids will do the opposite of me. It’s the cycle of life. ;-)</p>
<p>Thanks, Orchid. I just wish he hadn’t cheated in the first place.</p>
<p>BTW, then there was the time I did find $20 on the sidewalk. There was a Salvation Army bucket 15 feet in front of me, so that’s where the $20 went. Made me feel good.</p>