<p>B&N also offers health benefits to part-time employees, my friend said when her D was working there p/t. There are many employers out there but I don’t think any are interested in how well the person plays video games in their spare time as their ONLY credential.</p>
<p>People like this are easy. Just repeat back to them what they whine to you. Say “Oh my God, I know what you mean! We are barely making it too, isn’t awful?” Just go on and on agreeing with them about how hard finances are right now. With people like this, who cares what you say? If they have the stones to ask for financial help while buying luxuries and eating out and going to fun events, then why treat them seriously? They are a joke, treat them that way.</p>
<p>'ve heard that Starbuck’s offers benefits (health insurance) to part-time employees. Mom would be able to schedule hours around her husband’s and they would not have to pay for childcare.</p>
<p>Im trying not to complain- but to explain a different reality that some families live in.</p>
<p>Until my youngest was in middle school, my H worked swingshift- with many forced weekends.
His body clock found it difficult to adjust- he needed two hours to be able to prepare for work & three hours to wind down. Of course hopefully that was when we were sleeping ( my youngest didn’t sleep for years), so he had to be quiet.
Since his job had a lot of forced overtime- schedule was unpredictable, really hard to make a plan for a 2nd job or family time when he wasn’t working & the kids weren’t in school.</p>
<p>Employers which rely on part- timers seem to only schedule a week in advance & that could be any hours- as we found out. They also may give you 10 hrs a week & the next 20, it just depends. 
Can’t plan on vacation or even medical appts. Constantly trading with others & hoping they will show up for your shift as planned.
Stressful way to live.</p>
<p>However- I always ask people that are venting if they want advice, or just need a shoulder.
Often they don’t want advice- and as the link I posted shows that giving too much sympathy just reinforces their belief system, I mostly just smile & nod- then change the subject.
:)</p>
<p>Yes, asking if people are venting is a great strategy, to clarify if they want to problem solve or just letting off some steam. If they’re letting off steam, I make sympathetic sounds and switch topics or have some urgent matter I have to attend to and leave.</p>
<p>My husband worked full-time while in grad school for a small engineering company that often required overtime. (He was also a full-time student.) I worked in the restaurant industry, which meant nights, weekends and holidays. There were times we hardly saw each other. One does what one has to. Or doesn’t, and then whines about the outcome.</p>
<p>One does what one has to. Or doesn’t, and then whines about the outcome.</p>
<p>I apologize if it sounded like I was whinging, that is * so * annoying. :o
But for parents who are essentially working alone- with depression & high needs ( as in " special") young children- valves to release stress are far and few between.</p>
<p>No. no. I was referring to BOTW’s needy friends.</p>
<p>There’s no doubt that life is more complicated with kids than without. I think most parents would agree with that!</p>
<p>But I think EmeraldKity’s situation is a little different, as I don’t think she had 20-40 hours a week should could play video games or watch tv…I think she’d say she didn’t have much time to herself at all!</p>
<p>This is the first time I’ve heard of a mother spending all their time playing video games - that’s usually reserved for boys. Weird.</p>
<p>Yup. </p>
<p>It’s probably not all video games. There’s probably some tv watching and Facebook games thrown in too. But generally all day in front of a screen of one type or another.</p>
<p>@babyontheway, I remember you from another thread and if I remember you correctly you are pretty solidly in the middle class. Why does this family think you are rich?</p>
<p>There was this horrifying story a couple years ago.
[Police:</a> Babies starved as parents gamed - U.S. news - Crime & courts - msnbc.com](<a href=“http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19766590/ns/us_news-crime_and_courts/]Police:”>http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19766590/ns/us_news-crime_and_courts/)</p>
<p>I guess your relative thinks that those who have more should give to those who have less. Clearly, if you have more, you must have had some advantages that she did not have. You are getting to plug into all the advantages (infrastructure) that everyone else gets to plug into, yet you are somehow getting to take more out. If you are getting more, then she must be getting less. Like there is some kind of “fixed” amount of good stuff to be gotten - you know, a zero sum game. </p>
<p>People, by their very nature, do not want to have less, and they are not lazy. Everyone wants to work hard, and knowing this, you should give more willingly from the larger pile that you have accumulated. She is not trying to take advantage, because people are not like that.</p>
<p>:D</p>
<p>Actually, she is giving you the opportunity to “give it all away” (to her & her family), thereby speeding your way toward enlightenment, as possessions are holding us all back from becoming actualized. 
How very selfless of her! <sarcasm></sarcasm></p>
<p>I have a sister-in-law with a similar mindset. We hosted their family for a week - they have a lot of kids. My house was like a hotel, and in addition we took them all out for meals a number of times. We were very happy to do this - we do have more, and they are family. </p>
<p>One night they offered to make dinner. They decided to make a meat dish, and purchased about 50% less meat than they needed. I would have ignored it. The brother-in-law, who has a good job as a teacher, said, “Well, I could only buy this much, because there are some things I cannot do”. The wife has a decent job in the tech industry. The deal here was that the one time this couple had to open their wallet, it blew their minds. They had to even make an issue out of it by doing something weird and talking about it. Why not just make a big salad, instead of having people share pork chops? </p>
<p>They have the same “poor me” gig going on. Meanwhile, I notice that over the years they take these amazing trips to Europe, and live in a cute house that looks like it came out of the pages of a magazine. They probably live frugally and spend carefully, but they look at interactions with those who have more as transactions (a situation where they want to come out ahead). I would be sick to my stomach if I had been cheap with my relatives, and a big time taker, and then spent my extra cash on decorating and trips. Hey, I guess I am the fool and they are the clever ones, but whatever.</p>
<p>BOTW, Unless you can retire comfortably without working another day as well as pay for your children’s college educations, you can dispute your relative’s idea that you are wealthy. However, there is no doubt it can be a real challenge to afford health insurance, housing, transportation, childcare and all the other expenses of raising a child on 50K in the more expensive areas of the country. If they really have no funds, then they can not afford the extras, and are probably spending too much on basics like housing or transportation, as well. Maybe you can suggest a visit to a financial planner or even agree to make a gift of a few sessions.</p>
<p>Yea, we know folks like that. They have a McMansion (just built) that takes up most of their property & is two stories. They have been there over a year now but don’t have $$$ to landscape, so their dirt blows everywhere in the neighborhood & their lovely new home. They also have their 3 darlings in costly private school & just came back from a trip to Europe & will be leaving soon for their ski vacation. They often talk about how “poor” they are. Both H & W have jobs that pay well & H also has some side businesses as well. They told their very bright S (who is a HS junior) that he will have to get GREAT merit aid or go to in-state flagship U. They have threatened to take their middle child out of private school & “dump” him in local public because he’s not trying hard enough.</p>
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<p>I think it’s a convenient mindset that they use to back their opinion that we should give them money. If they thought we were poor, it wouldn’t make sense to expect stuff from us. Since we are “rich”, then it’s logical that we should help them out when they have times in need. It’s all a mindset.</p>
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<p>Yes, exactly. I know you were being sarcastic, but the second statement could have come directly from her. She has felt disadvantaged her entire life and always felt that she did not have the same opportunities as everyone else. Which is rather weird since she has a college degree from a prestigious university in the eastern United States.</p>
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<p>While it might be reasonable to say that $50k won’t go very far (especially five years ago when the economy was humming along), I think over the last year or two there have been a large number of people who would have loved to have $50k. A lot of single moms try to make ends meet on $20 or $30k a year and don’t have a second person to watch over their kids all of the time.</p>
<p>Regardless, my feeling is that their issue is not a top line (income) problem but rather a bottom line (expenditure) problem. I think if they made $150k or $250k a year it still wouldn’t be enough for them…</p>
<p>^You last point is such a particularly good one. I have other relatives (a married couple) who ran up huge credit card debt when they were dating and still in college. They then proceeded to make the same mistake over and over again as they rose in income over the years. Currently their combined income is over a quarter of a million a year (enough to live well for a small family), and they are in the middle of yet another financial crisis. I can see by the way they are talking that they still have not learned a thing, because they are looking at trying to take on huge debt once again to take advantage of the bottom of the housing market. It would be fine if their cowboy ways affected only them, but there are kids involved. Financial disruptions can really hurt kids. Having to change schools, move, or dramatically alter lifestyle multiple times over a young child’s life is not a good thing. Constant financial stress in a household is terrible for little ones.</p>
<p>Whatever this syndrome is, it has little to do with income level.</p>
<p>I agree that there are those for whom $$$$ is always burning a hole in their pockets and others who are able to figure out how to live below (sometimes well below) their income so that they can have savings and put funds away for unexpected emergencies and other things they value. Enabling or bailing out those who always spend well over their income helps no one, but can be very wearing on all those around, especially kids thrown into the mix.</p>