<p>I know a “poor” family. They call themselves “poor” and are constantly wanting free handouts from family. The husband works as an engineer, and last time I checked, working engineers generally don’t qualify as poor. She chooses not to work. She prefers sitting around playing video games all day long rather than working. They one kid, a two year old son.</p>
<p>But she is very upset that people haven’t helped her in life and so she continually tells everybody how we’re all selfish and don’t help her out enough. Not long ago she was threatening that she and her son and husband would all be homeless unless we all contributed.</p>
<p>Lately, she has been worried about medical care because they don’t have medical insurance (Remember, her husband works an engineer and she choses not to work). So she has been calling around and getting free or greatly reduced medical care for her son. They have a family income of $50k - $70k a year! How does that income level qualify you for free or reduced medical care? </p>
<p>Yet, these people will go out to dinner, buy expensive stuff, and spend lots of money. More money, in fact, than we do in our family. I guess I’m tired of being pressured to help out these needy people that have more material possessions than we do in our family. They spend more, eat out more, go to fun events more often, and generally spend more than we do. And then expect that I’m supposed to give them money “I’m rich and weathly and have plenty”. </p>
<p>So why do you know these people?
Are they related to you? Otherwise I don’t get why you would consider to associate with them since you don’t like them or relate to them.</p>
<p>No, I don’t relate to them at all. I’ve always been careful with money and worked really hard in life, as has my wife. I don’t get going out to eat all the time while being worried where apartment rent is coming from. I don’t get playing video games rather than getting a part time job. I don’t get asking for free medical care rather than paying for doctor visits when you make $70k a year.</p>
<p>They both have college degrees from prestigious universities, so it’s not like they haven’t had opportunities. Her degree is in art history though which doesn’t lead to much employment.</p>
<p>My only advice is to keep your distance from these folks, as best you can. Don’t let them or the rest of the family “guilt” you into doing anything you don’t want or can’t afford to do. </p>
<p>As for the wife- I can see merit in wanting to stay at home with a small child as opposed to working outside the home and incurring childcare, transportation, etc. expense. Particularly in this job market. I don’t get why at an income of 50-70K they can’t carry at least a “catastrophic” care medical insurance. They sound relatively young, so the expense should not be that great, with a high deductible. </p>
<p>As for their spending habits- some folks are just too consumerish, if that is a word, or maybe just never learned basic money management. Rather than confronting them with this directly, perhaps you could mention some insights you have picked up from personal finance and frugal websites, blogs, etc. Sort of a gentle prodding for them to think about how they are spending money, rather than a full frontal assault, which would only cause more wailing, gnashing and blaming on their part.</p>
<p>Having a little one of my own, I understand what you’re saying. Take home pay after expenses isn’t very much when you have a little one.</p>
<p>But if you’re telling everybody that you will be homeless in a few weeks because of no money, wouldn’t you go out and get a job? Maybe a night job and the husband could watch the kids while you work. It seems reasonable. Of course, if you know that someone will send you some money, perhaps the motivation is not that great.</p>
<p>You raise a good point, Babyontheway— Have the complaining and whining been successful for these folks? Has it caused anyone to take pity on them and give them what they want? If so, then they have learned a way to get others to jump to meet their needs without taking responsibility for it themselves. </p>
<p>Sooner or later, folks will stop rescuing these two. It will then be all the harder for them to develop new habits and efforts to support themselves.</p>
<p>I had an uncle (now deceased) who lived his entire life this way- everything was a crisis and he expected others to help him out all the time. After a while, everyone around him caught on to the situation. For a while longer he was able to extract from more distant relatives, but when he got money from his ex-wife’s family (out of country) to help pay her “funeral expenses”, and she shortly thereafter contacted them to make a visit after not having seem them in a long time, he was exposed. </p>
<p>He went to ground for a long time after this (he was in his late 40’s-early 50’s at the time). He finally emerged, very poor, but seemingly more responsible, when he was 65 or so and collecting SS. He died when he was 70. My dad paid for his funeral.</p>
Gee, it usually doesn’t. Are there actual medical professionals who respond to people “calling around” for free care? Or is she calling to find clinics that exist to provide care to families without medical insurance? Even then, I believe that people in their income range would be charged some amount. I’m married to an MD in a critical care pediatric subspecialty and he tells me that his practice is not allowed to provide free care to individual patients. Accept Medicaid? Yes (almost the same as not being paid at all). Provide a clinic for patients without insurance? Yes. Provide free care to patients sponsored by legal non-profits? Yes again.</p>
<p>I wonder if she’s telling you the whole story.</p>
<p>If she got medical insurance for children who come from low income families (there are programs in states taht provide this), she would have to complete paperwork and prove the family income to have the child qualified.</p>
<p>Sounds like a family you should do your best to keep your distance from, sad to say. The posts above provide many good thoughts for your consideration.</p>
<p>It’s quite possible they could qualify for an SCHIP program if they are at he lower end of the range you mentioned. It seems unusual to me that there is no insurance through the husband’s job.</p>
That’s the key to the problem and if people will quit sending them money when they come begging they may eventually stop once they find out the begging isn’t successful. I certainly wouldn’t succumb to begging like this and would have no problem just saying “no” but I can be blunt like that. There’s no justification you need to provide to them to say “no” - your finances and how you choose to apportion your money are none of their business.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t call these very needy people; I would call them (or at least her, from the sound of things) wanty people.</p>
<p>Health insurance may be difficult for someone in the $50,000 range, but if you are portraying things accurately, then it sounds like she needs to look for a job.</p>
<p>Somebody is enabling this couple. Until that person stops, there will be no end to the wanty (love that word!) behavior. </p>
<p>However, if the child is suffering, I would feel compelled to help in some way. For example, I wouldn’t give any money directly to the parents. I would offer to pay directly to the insurance company/grocery store/electric company. But that’s ONLY if the child is sick, hungry, or cold, etc.</p>
<p>Paying directly to a grocery or utility is the same giving as handing it to the parents. If someone donates money directly to the utility, then the parent has that money still in his pocket. It enables exactly the same way.</p>
<p>DougBetsy, the mom chooses to play video games rather than working. Why should I donate money for them to buy food so she can play video games rather than working? It’s not like she has actually applied for jobs. Yes, it might be difficult to work with a little one but she could get a night job at a fast food restaurant and it’d bring in a few hundred extra a week, which would go a long ways to helping them out. But she opts not to.</p>
<p>They’ve tried to use their son to milk family for years. Poor Johnny this. Poor Johnny that. Johnny just doesn’t have what everbody else has. We all need to help them out to make sure than Johnny has enough stuff in life.</p>
<p>(But trust me, their kid is not suffering. He has never gone for want and probably won’t ever go for want in the future.)</p>
<p>Your responsibility is to take care of your own immediate family. You work hard for your money and you deserve to spend it wisely and the way you want to spend it. </p>
<p>My comment to this family would be, “I’m sorry you’re feeling financially pinched. I understand that because I’ve felt the same way. Luckily I was able to get a job and reduce my expenses so i can now take care of my family.”</p>
<p>I described what I would do if I saw the child suffering, sick, hungry, or cold. At no time in that reply did I ever suggest that babyontheway take any action whatsoever. </p>
<p>Further, in post #3, I clearly said:
</p>
<p>I am a firm believer in self-sufficiency and having more than one income if that’s what it takes to make ends meet. I agree completely with Very Happy. However, I could not stand by and do nothing if a child was suffering. That’s me. I’m describing my position. I am not trying to suggest you do the same. </p>
<p>My only suggestion is clearly stated in post #3.</p>
<p>I’ve heard that Starbuck’s offers benefits (health insurance) to part-time employees. Mom would be able to schedule hours around her husband’s and they would not have to pay for childcare. The next time they complain to you, you might suggest she look at an application.</p>