It’s almost as if this opinion was stated straight from the manosphere.
The phrase “women raise rapists” is a controversial rhetoric used within certain sectors of the online manosphere—specifically among some radical factions of Men’s Rights Activists (MRAs), Incels (Involuntary Celibates), and MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way)—to deflect the accountability of male sexual violence onto women.
Core Arguments and Rhetoric
Within these online communities, the argument is typically structured around the following points:
• Blaming Single Mothers: Proponents of this rhetoric argue that a lack of a male role model or father figure in the home leads to behavioral issues in boys. They claim that single mothers are singularly responsible for failing to instill proper boundaries or discipline, thereby “raising” abusive men.
• Deflection of Accountability: Sociological and media analyses indicate this talking point is used to shift the conversation away from systemic issues of male violence, patriarchal entitlement, or individual male accountability, placing the moral and developmental blame entirely on female caretakers.
• Resentment of Modern Dating: In more extreme spaces (like incel forums), it is used to express resentment toward women’s dating choices. The narrative claims that women choose to have children with “toxic” or aggressive men, and therefore, any resulting negative behavior in the offspring is the woman’s fault.
Sociological and Counter-Perspectives
Sociologists, psychologists, and criminologists heavily criticize this narrative for several reasons:
• Ignoring Systemic Factors: Sexual violence is a complex issue driven by a combination of individual psychology, peer influences, societal attitudes toward consent, and cultural norms, rather than being solely attributable to a single parent’s gender.
• Lack of Empirical Evidence: While family stability and parental guidance are critical to childhood development, criminological data does not support the deterministic claim that single mothers inherently raise abusers.
• Misogynistic Framework: Extremism researchers classify this phrase as a form of gender-based scapegoating designed to validate anti-feminist sentiment and reinforce rigid, traditional family structures by demonizing women who raise children outside of them.
…which is what happens in a traditional family structure where woman is the homemaker and man is out working.
Can’t win, but I guess the arguments are designed that way. ( I appreciate the long post - I also thought “sounds like manosphere” when I read that, but don’t really know much detail about it. )
Thank you. This is exactly the point. Most men /people will respond to “fire!”, far less so to a woman’s cries for help that she is being attacked. (And often just getting someone to see what’s going on can help stop the attack.)
The point of “fire” is because people come to help. When a woman yells “help” or “ rape” people will hesitate to get involved in someone else’s business.
The reference to most likely refers to the fact that this is something women think about, like walking with their keys between their fingers or crossing the street when they see a man if they are walking alone, that men do not need to factor into their daily lives. It’s a luxury to not have to be constantly on alert.
The police told us to yell “fire” in our self defense class. It’s supposed to be more effective than “help” because it’s in everyone’s self interest to call 911 if there is a fire, and people are less likely to ignore you.
There are lots of psych studies about bystanders not reacting to cries for generic “help”.
I’m sure someone has studied the use of the word “fire” and find it works well overall.
For me personally, “fire” would create a major reaction indoors and less of one outdoors, whereas “rape” would work everywhere. But you have to go with the studies.
Yes, I’ve seen similar studies such as when a person pretends to fall and doesn’t get up, because everyone assumes someone else will help. But if the person who has “fallen” says “you there, I need your help”, then that person helps.
Given the complexity of that, makes sense to go with “fire”.
I think the part of pointing out that you’re a man is that you have never heard it because it doesn’t concern you, yet every woman has heard it. And there is a reason. It’s like pointing out white privilege to someone that insists they don’t have it because they also work hard.
Well, despite the examples set by those pathetic men at Cornell, most men actually do care about women. We have wives, daughters, mothers and friends we care about dearly.
There are some threads where I decide to hold back and mostly listen, because I want to learn. This is one of them.
The point is taken. Another point is that people should just care about what happens to other people, period. Women exist independently of their relationship to a particular man. This meme:
My point was not that I would only protect the women I cared about. Among good men, it’s the belief that we should watch out for women in general. And in turn, we hope others will look out for the women we care about when they need help. And they have received help from good men (and women of course).
I think that nearly all women agree that “most men” care about women. We have husbands, sons, fathers and male friends we care about dearly.
But then we think, hmm, if say 95% of men would never rape a woman, that still leaves 5% who would. And that’s a lot of men. And then when you see what happened at Cornell, and you realize that believing that 95% wouldn’t is wishful thinking. It’s a tough time for many of us. And we see how men are not held accountable, and it’s doubly tough.
I’ve never been sexually assaulted, but my college years were badly affected by reporting an assault. My sophomore year I lived in college housing that was an old house. I came home late from studying in the library to find the guy in the room next to me assaulting a woman in the hallway of our isolated wing. I called campus security. She wasn’t from our college. The administration totally covered it up. He received only “counseling” with the dean despite already being reported for a previous rape (raped a totally passed out student who didn’t even know him who had been tucked into her own bed by her friends.) He went on to rape other students. *I* was forced to move for my own safety. I spent the rest of the year sleeping in a closet of someone else’s dorm room. I was harassed by his sports team. They would come up behind me in a group when I was alone and say things like “We know you’re the one who told on ________.” Later I was walking by the Dean’s office and the perpetrator was leaving his office and the Dean actually had his arm around his shoulders and was smiling and laughing. I talked to a different dean, but that went nowhere, she said it was a problem and she was sorry, and then next I heard she had quit.
So yeah, lots of us have strong feelings about this whole business.
And this goes back to the discussion about the group chat. Sure, a number of those men were probably sleeping, but the ones who weren’t? The one who hopped on at some later point to ask “shop still open?” No one actually stopped it. I would like to think that the men in my life would have stepped in.
I do genuinely appreciate that is true. And we appreciate the truly kind and safe men.
And I also think it important for men to recognize how truly unsafe women often feel. And being a husband, father, or brother doesn’t change that, in fact family is where women are often least safe. Thousands of women are killed by their husbands/boyfriends annually in the U.S., being murdered by their male partner is the #1 cause of death in pregnant women, and most SAs experienced by children are by their own male family members (fathers and step-fathers mostly but also brothers and others) or close family friends/coaches.
And similarily worth noting: “Every girl’s childhood lasts up until a man finds her attractive” (The Tiger’s Wife written by Téa Obreht)
“Research suggests that about two-thirds of college rapists are repeat offenders, who account for the great majority of rapes (over 90%), and that about one-fourth of college rapists admit to committing rapes over multiple years of college.”
(The Tiger’s Wife written by Téa Obreht)