This - it shouldn’t have to be, and we all dream and hope this.
But the reality of our society dictates this.
And honestly it was. If you think your kid at MIT isn’t drinking on a friday night at a frat and studying… perhaps things have changed. There was a very heavy drinking culture there in the 90 - I have zero knowledge of how things are different now if they are, it wasn’t of interest to my kids.
It had a very work hard play hard culture back in the day. And to my previous post, there was some very inappropriate behavior at some of those frat parties, so anyone who thinks sending their kid to top university means anything in terms of behavior - yeah keep fooling yourself
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I believe it is still that way. But it is up to each person to be cautious for themselves, and for their friends, and take care of each other. My friend used to tell me before we went to a party to make sure he doesn’t make a fool of himself.
So what does that mean? I’d love an environment where there is no SA issues, but when someone says they came here and had no issues for many years, I’m honestly wondering is this a cultural acceptance. As I know I’ve been in more male dominated fields, but it’s been such a ubiquitous issue I am befuddled how one could have never seen it.
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I mean the world is a rough place. Be careful. We are all careful. Me and wife. All our friends. etc. We have no incidences of SA – not even a close call. Take care of each other. Don’t do stupid stuff. There are bad people, but you cut your exposure to them drastically.
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Did I miss that it was “safe”? I thought they were just saying it was no Greek life, so maybe “safer” rather than “safe”. I’d think that part of the NYU (and probably Columbia) cases (noting the NY list seems to be a wider definition than rape but it’s not clear the exact definition) is the urban location. Many of the students who “commute” to Cooper do so from sophomore year, and would be living in the same areas and going to almost the exact same location for college as NYU students, many of whom also move into apartments after freshman year and thus are technically also commuters. So I’d be wary of calling it much safer. NYU has some Greek life - and did have a frat suspended following both sexual assault and hazing reports - but it’s not very big at all.
Also, an issue with the table, colleges with larger numbers of students are probably going to naturally have larger numbers of assaults reported. I’d like to see those numbers expressed as a proportion of the student population to get a better idea of what is “safer” - 200 assaults on a campus with 40k kids is very different from 200 assaults on a campus with say 6000.
I don’t know – it was mentioned as a safe place. I just assumed it was. If not Cooper Union, I am sure there are other places that are safer. Don’t apply to colleges that are unsafe. My metric may not be correct. Do research and figure out for yourself which schools are unsafe and don’t go there.
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I am just saying you can’t be naive about these things and expect the system to care of you. The system is impersonal. You need to do your bit to stay safe. This will reduce risk. This is just common sense.
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With all due respect if you think any woman is naive and thinks the system will protect her, you are perhaps not in tune with the current system. This is just not any woman’s expectation
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Then why do these people put themselves at risk frequently? Why go to that stupid frat party? Since we all acknowledge those boys are the scum .. Just don 't go to a frat party. Any frat party.
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I’m going to answer you honestly. Life is never as simple as all that. I met my husband at that stupid frat party. Not the guy groping women. Guy wanting to discuss the Clinton vs Bush vs Perot election. That’s the honest truth. I’ll never pretend ■■■■■■ things didn’t happen at frat parties, because they did, but there were also the MIT students living in frats when MIT only housed 15% of students living life.
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Both you and your husband can meet at a coffee shop. Sensible girls can step out of the frat scene, and sensible guys that want to meet sensible girls will then come to the coffee shop to meet them. This is not so hard. If half the school chooses to not engage with the other half the school on bad terms, the nature of the engagement will change. In the old days people used to meet at church. I am not asking you to go that far back. There is a compromise. There are non toxic places to meet. Needing to meet is legitimate. Nobody would disagree about that.
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No disagreement here. there are a hundred different ways we could have met, I’m just being honest on how we actually met. And to be clear, neither of us were and are drinkers so that’s not a factor. But let’s be honest - I was a civil engineer major he was an electrical engineer 4 years ahead of me. We weren’t going to meet in a random coffee shop. This is the actual reality of how we met and I’ll be real, I would not have met him otherwise - so when folks say that - it’s kinda true
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Let me go to sleep. It is late here. Sorry if I have offended you. I should get off CC.
My wife was also a civil engineer at some point in life.
Believe everything she says lol
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And to be clear, you have not offended me, there is a distinct difference between opinion and I can disagree with you and acknowledge that you have never attacked or insulted me
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A quick reminder: this site exists to provide a friendly, constructive space for students and families going through the college admissions process. Personal attacks will not be tolerated—please focus on the facts and arguments. If you find yourself repeatedly making the same point and/or responding to the same user, please step away from the thread.
Based on the pathetically low conviction rates, the messaging is that we’ve allowed rape to become inevitable and acceptable in this country. The victim blaming and public shaming is at an all time high. Cultures exist where it is permissible to rape whenever the mood strikes and that is being used as a legal defense. In this and many other ways, women are not valued enough in this country to say definitively, with all ten toes on the ground, that rape and sexual assault of any kind is unacceptable. There are no criminal penalties for doxing and shaming victims publicly. If our male-dominated government (both parties) can ever get serious about protecting women, maybe we can begin to address the epidemic in our country.
Regarding the frats: closing down the frats will not stop the problem as the rape-y men will just throw house parties and continue to violate women. Many frats who get thrown off campus still operate - wealthy alumni buy them a house off campus and it’s business as usual. If we allow the rape culture to exist, it will exist in frats, off campus houses, sports clubs, business fraternities, etc. it’s like killing one roach in your house and not realizing hundreds more exist behind the walls.
Unfortunately those of us with college-aged daughters have to have the conversation on repeat: don’t go anywhere alone, don’t leave anyone behind at a party, don’t over-indulge, take care of each other, don’t leave your drink unattended, etc., etc.
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